


The Awesome North American 3

by Moonstone215



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Bad writing ish, England France and Spain are big tsunderes, No ships canon technically, OOCness in a lot of characters, Ships will be hinted, South and Central America are half siblings, They are all full brothers, This whole fic is on crack, angst sometimes, its all weird
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:27:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 67,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22306435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonstone215/pseuds/Moonstone215
Summary: Join America, Canada, and Mexico as they live their every day lives in stupidity, fear, and just as randomly as getting stuck in England's tree at 3 am in the morning. (A series of random scenarios starring the American 3 because I need more of them!)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 45





	1. Bailing and Failing

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I have read a couple of these stories and I just want to say that I loved them! But I need more crack so I made one myself! ^v^
> 
> Mexico is my OC, his human name is Manuel. He has a dot on his cheek and has a zig zaggy strand of hair on the right side of his head which represents Baja California. He's the average Mexican with brown hair and tan skin. He has amber eyes and wears a silver cross which represents his large amount of silver and being a catholic. He wears a stereotypical red bandana and wears a khaki military uniform, the Aztec Warrior one from World War 2. (Rarely, but sometimes, he wears a small sun hat if he feels like it which represents his agricultural side.)  
> That is all! The rest of the characters do not belong to me. Maybe Central and South America if they do show up though...  
> Enjoy :>

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The American 3 try to bail out of a meeting. Too bad their tsundere ex colonizers won't let them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I can't write but I still like too. >:)

"Hey, psst! Guys!"

America poked both of their sides but recieved no response. He frowned and persisted, poking extra hard before Canada turned to glare at him.

"What?!" He hissed and smacked the other's hand away.

Right now, the three were seated together at a world meeting where, suprisingly, Mexico decided to finally show up and was currently doodling a picture of Germany. Well, he was purposely adding the very exaggerated angry expression and distorted body figure on purpose. 

"Im so bored! Do you want to bail?"

"Bail? We can't bail! Plus, France will nag me, England will yell at you, and Spain would do that creepy thing where he just hugs Mexico until he begs for forgiveness."

America tsk'd and shook his head.

"Oh my fellow brother. Not if.. we get caught."

"What? How are people not going to notice that we bailed?"

"You'll see! Just follow my lead and it'll be easy!" Before Canada could bitch, America raised his hand high with a "CX" face.

"Yes America?" Germany grouched knowing that anything out of America wasn't good for the meeting.

"We need to use the bathroom!" 

America yelled and pointed to Canada and Mexico. Germany narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms.

"Really? All of you? Need to go?"

"Yes dude! Right Bros?"

"Ugh. Fine, yes." 

Canada gave in knowing that arguing with America was like arguing with a brick wall. Mexico continued to doodle, oblivious to what was going on. America kept his "CX" face but elbowed Mexico hard at his side.

"Ow! Why did you do that gordo?!"

"Tell them you need to use the bathroom." 

America whispered as Mexico shook his head.

"No wa-"

He made the mistake of turning away and his eyes made contact with Spain's across the room, who's stare reminded him of Belarus' whenever she saw Russia.

"Yes. I need to go too. Stomach pain. So badly, must be those chiles!"

He nervously put on a large smile and tugged at his bandana.

Germany sighed and finally relented, waving his hand off.

"Very well. But you get 5 minutes! No skipping!"

"Of course dude! Who do you think we are? 5 year olds?"

He laughed obnoxiously and ran out the room with Mexico and Canada being forcibly dragged behind him.

Germany looked irritated at their loud exit and turned to their former colonizers.

"If they aren't back in 5 minutes, I want you to go get them."

"Already planned to." The three of them said at the same time, staring at the clock.

~♤~

"Ow! You stupid fucking bulldozer! Let go of me!"

Mexico twist and turned like he was on fire but America still didn't let go until they were inside the bathroom. Canada broke free once they were inside and breathed his irritation out. There really was no point in irritation if America wasn't bothered by it.

"Okay genius. What's the plan now? Flush ourselves down the toilet?!"

"Wow! Canada that plan is really good! But no, I got another one."

He walked over to the wall and pointed up. The other two followed his finger and met the view of a small window.

"You do know you need to actually fit, right fat fuck?"

"Im not fat! But anyways, I bet we could all fit through there. You should go first Manuel, you are the...skinniest!"

America purposely avoided using the word "shortest" and put his hands out in a cupping position. Mexico glared at him but nonetheless went over and used his foot to push himself up and through the window. 

Canada followed next, not needing America's assistance. He jumped up and grabbed the window sill with his hands. From there, he pulled himself up and through, joining Mexico as they waited outside for America. 

America took a moment to breathe in and out, knowing that he was going to have trouble the most. He bent his legs and jumped, taking about 10 seconds to pull himself up. It waa difficult but he managed to slide most of his body out before he heard the bathroom door open behind him.

"Oh my~"

A French accented voice came from behind him. America froze and stopped moving, his legs and butt still inside the bathroom.

"Aha! I knew they were going to use the window!" 

Spain's cocky voice came next before a big click that sounded like a camera echoed through out the bathroom.

"What a sight." 

England deviously smiled and put his phone away, marching towards America. America knew that the nagging was going to come and he used all his force to push himself out. He succeeded and crashed on to the floor outside, the window frame ripped from the wall and still around his lower waist as he let out a big yell.

"RUN FOR IT!!"

Mexico and Canada did not hesitate as they grabbed his hands and ran around the building. Their former bosses were running towards the building's entrance, not keen at all on letting them escape. 

America terrifyingly yelled while Mexico and Canada were actually having fun with grins on their faces.

"Oh my god! We shouldn't have bailed! England is going to nag for hours now!"

"What? This is way more interesting than the meeting. You were right on bailing!" 

They sped up when the other three managed to burst out the building and caught sight of them. America is assuming that adrenaline made his brothers' irritation go away as they were now having as much fun as little kids who were playing tag. 

They made twists and turns in the city of Berlin, where the meeting was taking place, and earned many yells from angry German people. But, like humans, countries eventually had to stop running due to exhaustion and the three were already near that point. America pulled them inside a cafe and to a crowded booth so that they could rest.

"Hilfe! Können wir uns bitte hier verstecken?!" (Help! Can we please hide here?!)

America begged the party of 5 and threw his brothers under the table when they agreed. He followed soon after and the 5 placed their bags at the side of their booth so that the trio couldn't be seen.

The Europeans soon entered the cafe and looked around for them. A bunch of blondes stared back at them and they frowned, knowing that America could blend in. Canada could if his violet eyes were closed but there was no way Mexico would blend in. He would stick out like a sore thumb. They passed booth by booth, until they stopped at the table of 5. England narrowed his eyes at the pile of bags and tilted his head.

"I sense them somewhere around this area."

He looked at the table's occupants, who all pretended that they weren't there until a lady finally grew annoyed and turned to look at them.

"May help you?" She asked in broken english, glaring at him. He did not budge and glared back.

"Have you seen a group of three brothers? One looks like you, one has violet eyes, and one is a Mexican."

She felt slight movement near her legs but shook her head.

"Nein. Sorry."

England still wasn't convinced and pushed his questioning.

"I saw them enter in here. Someone had to have seen them in here. Especially you 5 since you all are the closest."

Underneath the table, America rolled his eyes and faced both his brothers.

"Especially you 5 since you all are the closest." He mouthed mockingly and made an over exaggerated angry face.

"Stop it. You're going to make us laugh." Canada mouthed back while Mexico held in a chuckle.

"No miss, I know they are here!" He mouthed mockingly next, putting his fingers over his eyebrows in a "v" pose. Canada's mouth shriveled and he clapped a hand over Mexico's mouth.

"Stop Alfred!" He mouthed again but the last straw came when Alfred mouthed the last sentence.

"Excuse me?! I am not stupid nor am I crazy!"

Canada knew their laughter was coming and he grabbed both of them just as they laughed and ran out of the booth, knocking the three Europeans onto the floor. Mexico's and America's laughter rang in his ears and his own came once they reached the cafe's door, throwing a "Danke!" at the people who helped them before running back outside.

The three continued to laugh as they ran back to the building where the meeting took place, knowing that their bailing plan was not going to work anyways. They made it in record time, running past the front desk and throwing the meeting's doors open. They bumped into many countries, who cursed and bitched at them, before sitting back down in their seats and pretending they never left for the bathroom in the first place.

Germany again looked very irritated at their loud entrance but was surprised that they came back. He did not let it show though and adopted his angry signature look.

"I said 5 minutes! You three took 20!"

They struggled to regain their breaths and waved Germany off.

"I said I have tummy problems! 5 minutes was definitely not going to make them all go away." Mexico reasoned, continuing his doodle of Germany. America nodded his head and threw him a wink.

"The hero always come back! I told you we weren't 5 year olds."

"AMERICA!"

America screamed and threw himself under the table when a very furious Brit marched towards him from the doors. A Frenchman and a Spaniard followed from behind, prompting the other two to follow his brother under the table as well. America yelled when England attempted to drag him out by the foot, grabbing on to a random country's ankle. That random country happened to be Austria, who barked indignantly and started to pull his foot away from America's strong grip.

"Agh! Let go America!" 

England pulled extra hard which caused America to pull Austria under the table with him.

"AhHHhh!"

Was the response he got as England finally managed to pull him out and stand him up. 

"Now you listen here America! What you did was very foolish and a big waste of everyone's time! Do you not have any dignity when-"

England droned on and on, making America painfully listen to his long boring lecture. He whimpered and tried to pull himself away but the death-like grip on his arm dared him to even think of getting away. Canada was finally pulled out next by the next two, dragging Mexico with him, who tried to kick his hand off his ankle. Spain pushed France to the floor and picked Mexico up, bring him into a bone crushing hug.

"Ay, Mexíco~ Don't make me worry like that!"  
He added extra pressure which earned a crack from the other.

"Ever again."

Mexico shriveled in agony, his face turning blue as he saw Romano give him a look of pity from the corner of his eye. Meanwhile, Canada underwent the same treatment that America was going through but it was more laced with disappointment then anger. He sniffed and looked to his feet, pretending to look ashamed when he really wasn't. Germany finally cleared his throat after helping Austria from the floor, reaching his yelling point.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU THREE?! CAN YOU NOT BEHAVE LIKE THE ACTUAL REPRESENTATIVES OF YOUR COUNTRIES WITH MATURITY? WHY IS THERE A WINDOW FRAME ON YOU AMERICA?! AND IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY?!"

He picked up the doodle Mexico made of him and the expression in the picture matched the expression Germany had right now. A chorus of laughter erupted through out the meeting room, the drawing of Germany recieving praise and thumbs up. Mexico couldn't laugh from the arms of Spain but he cracked a big smile along with America and Canada.

"To answer your question, yes it's supposed to be funny!" Mexico managed to break away from Spain's embrace with the help of America. America laughed in agreement.

"And yes there is something wrong with us!"  
He threw his arms around Mexico and Canada, who faced the entire world and gave out their signature smiles.

"We are way too awesome!" They said together, ignoring Prussia's loud yells of disagreement and Germany's big fat frown. The three tsunderes rolled their eyes but hid their small smiles. Those 3 brothers sure know how to make a scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> America has a huge background of German immigrants so I like to think he can speak German. Thanks for reading!


	2. Yeet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The yeeting has started again. But don't worry, crying will save day!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Im not doing drugs.

"America aru! when are you going to pay me back?!"

China annoyingly bitched from his side. They had to reschedule the world meeting from Berlin due to the fact that no one could regain their focus after Mexico's drawing of Germany. Germany later decided that they should hold the meeting away from his country, after recieving many complaints about the stampeding Americans.

So, there they were in China, with the representative currently bugging the hell out of America with his complaints and poking. America ignored his comments and continued to drink his coke. It was break time and he went crazy trying to look for food in the large city of Beijing. Well, it wasn't hard but his two brothers weren't fluent in Mandarin and constantly kept asking him what the hell does this sign and that sign mean.

Canada knew some Mandarin as he has over 2 million children of Chinese ancestry but the intimidating signs of the multiple characters made him sweat. Mexico only understood the baby basics as his country only has about 70,000ish children of Chinese ancestry. America though has more than the both of them combined with about 5,000,000 children of Chinese ancestry. (A/N I found this on google, might be outdated lmao) But he never liked talking in other languages. English his favorite, though he will never admit that to England even if he was being held at gun point, and so he stuck with it. 

He zoned off and failed to notice China yelling in his ear until he took a sip of empty air.  


At once, China's yell came into his focus and he let out an annoyed noise.  


"Agh! China! Can you stop yelling in my ear?!"  


He bitched and rubbed his aching ear, earning a smug smile from the Asian.  


"I was just trying to help. You were zoning off. Did you daydream about Mc Donalds again?"  


China let out a big laugh and held his stomach with his arms.  


America rolled his eyes but then an idea formed in his head. He grew a big smile which cause China to stop laughing. America smiling at countries was never good. He looked at China and yelled out some familiar words.

"THIS SHIT EMPTY!" 

China's face filled with horror in the matter of seconds as America threw his empty cup of soda into the trash bin.

"YEET!"

China tried to make his leave but before he could, Mexico and Canada appeared behind him and picked him up.  


"SOMEONE LEFT SOME GARBAGE HERE!"

Mexico called out enjoying the way the other countries were backing away towards the exit.  


"YEET!"  


They threw a yelling China towards the leaving countries, who quickly ran away from the exit as China landed hard onto the front of the door. China crawled onto his knees and hid behind Hong Kong, who was laughing at China's flight the whole time. The other countries ran out the exit, the three Americans following.  


"Where are you all going?!" America called out, managing to grab onto Turkey. Turkey struggled in his grasp but America still didn't let go.  


"Do turkeys fly hemano?" Mexico asked from his side, smiling innocently.  


"Of course not dude!" 

America shook his head. He then raised the country and threw him at the still fleeing group of countries.  


"They YEEET!"  


Turkey crashed into the group, making many fall towards the floor into a pile of limbs. The three cackled maniacally, towering over the group.  


"Time to yeet!"

Canada raised his hockey stick with a glint in his eye. Prussia screamed girlishly and clung onto Austria, who looked around helplessly, looking for Hungary. Poland squirmed under them next to Germany, who looked like he was going to kill someone. Just as Canada's hockey stick was coming down to strike them, a bullet struck through the stick, breaking it in half. Canada widened his eyes and turned to the shooter who glared back at him.  


"Yeet." 

Switzerland simply said before he made a dash for it. Everyone knew to never mess with Canada's yeet or his hockey stick. Switzerland did both, which was a very big death wish. Canada yelled in fury and followed after him, his two brothers on his tail to make sure he doesn't actually kill the guy.

The rest of the group sighed in relief, knowing that Switzerland only saved them so that he can charge them money later. Especially since his economy is shit right now.  


China limped with Hong Kong supporting him to the group of 5 after making sure the trio wasn't close enough to hear them.  


"Aru! They are doing it again! We have to stop it! Now!"  


He recieved no signs of disagreement as the five picked themselves off the floor.  


"Well then? What's like... the plan?"

Poland asked as he stared expectantly at Germany. Germany blinked when everyone turned to look at him and he shrugged uselessly.  


"Well I don't know! You think of something too!"  


Austria huffed at Germany's response and stuck his nose up in the air.  


"Well? What stopped them when this nonsense started in the first place?"  


"Oh, it was like...when they accidently did it to Japan and made him cry!"  


"Oh wow! So unawesome!"  


"And like...very embarassing!"  


"We are going to need Japan then."  


Turkey interrupted while still blinking the stars out of his vision.

Hong Kong knew what was coming next when China cleared his throat and threw his hands over his ears.

"JAPAAAAAAAAANNN!!!!"

The name rang through out the entire building, earning screams from the others. China may be old but he knows that his lungs are just as powerful as they were when he was young country. 

A few minutes later Japan entered the hallway, looking very annoyed with China calling his name so loudly. Still he kept his ":l"face and bowed slightly down.  


"Yes China?"  


"I need you to cry."  


Japan blinked in confusion and looked up at him.  


"Ex-Excuse me?"  


"I said I need you to cry."  


Japan still looked very confused before Turkey spoke one word.  


"Yeet."  


He widened his eyes and gasped. A flashback of America yeeting his manga out the window, never to be seen again, came into his head and he quickly understood what they were trying to do.  


"Do not worry. I will cry. But I need you to get them close to me."  


"You got it aru!"  


China gestured at Hong Kong to take him back inside the room and waved for the others to follow.  


"Austria, call Switzerland and tell him to bring them to the main meeting room!"  


"Pfft. What makes you think I have his number?!" 

Austria bitched putting his hands on his hips. Everyone looked back at him knowingly and he finally sighed and pulled his phone out.  


"I will call him."

"Okay Bro! You have millions more of your sticks at home! You can yeet him out now!"  


America held back Canada as he tried to rain his fists on a cornered Switzerland. Meanwhile, Mexico held the Canadian's legs, looking like a clingy child. Switzerland sweated and started to plan his escape before his phone rang in his pocket. He glared at the name "Austria" which was for some reason in a script font but nonetheless he picked it up.  


"What do you want?!" 

He barked, ignoring the struggling 3 Americans in front of him for the moment.  


"Hello to you too. Enough chatting, just bring them back to the meeting room. We have a plan."  


Austria hung up on him and Switzerland shook his head. It was just going to be more exercise for him. But.. it was also going to be more money. 

His eyes glinted and he dived under their arms, making a run for it. America screamed, probably because he wanted to be the one who yeeted Switzerland, and let go of Canada to follow him. Canada followed right behind him not giving Mexico enough time to get off his legs as he ran with Mexico now clinging around his waist.  


"COME BACK AND LET ME YEET!"  


"OH I WILL GIVE YOU SUCH A YEETING FOR WHAT YOU DID TO MY STICK!"  


"AGH! CANADA STOP FOR A MOMENT!"

China overheard the yells of the Americans and told everybody to get into their places. Japan held in tears as he held the newest copy of the latest manga, standing purposely near the window. 

'It's for the greater good.'

He reassured himself but he knew it was going to hurt him a lot. He winced when Switzerland finally entered the room, running towards him. He held up the manga and acted surprised when the three slid inside the room, expressions of excitement, fury, and bewilderment greeting the occupants. Canada must have been so caught up in getting revenge that he threw one of the halves of his stick at the two, giving Japan the awful opportunity of getting hit. It hit him right in the chest and he stumbled back, purposely letting the manga fly out the window.

Soon, the whole room got quiet as he watched the book fly out into the big city of Beijing. He already felt the tears falling down and heard three shrieks from where the stick came from. At once, he was pulled into a big hug, America and Canada not letting go of him. He started to cry pathetically and felt Mexico rub his back awkwardly. Mexico was not a touchy person so that was a lot coming from him.  


"Im so sorry Japan! We shouldn't have started yeeting! It's just too powerful to do around here, especially with you around!"  


"Im am so so so SO SORRY! I meant to hit Switzerland, not you. I should have known that I was going to miss! I'll buy you the entire series of that manga!"  


"I will buy you a taco. America! Canada! Come with me, I need help translating!"

Mexico dragged Japan out the door with his two brothers follwing behind him. Soon the meeting room was filled with silence before cheers erupted. 

"We like... did it!

"Oh thank god aru! Not that there is one anyways."

"Very good work everyone. Erm how much do we owe you Switzerland?"

Germany looked nervously at the Swiss who had already pulled out a pen, paper and calculator. After a few seconds, he finally put the calculator away and looked up at them.  


He held up the circled final result under his calculations and everyone groaned and pulled their wallets out. They handed him the money and then decided to, again, reschedule the meeting. China sighed in relief and sat himself down.  


"I will never make fun of America when he has something that he can yeet ever again."

A very wise lesson that China and everyone else has added to the list indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeet.


	3. Cross Dressing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The brothers become the sisters after they get caught practicing cross dressing for food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cough

"How do I look?"

Mexico batted his eyelashes and jutted his hip out. His sparkly red dress gleamed under the ceiling's light, his lipstick matching the brilliant shade of crismon of his high heels. America and Canada whistled, gesturing for him to turn so that they could see the back.

"Not bad my fellow brother!"

His behind was smacked and he yelped, glaring at America.

"Don't do that!"

He rubbed his bum and sat down in a seat in their shared dressing room. No one knows about their dirty secret but Italy, who surprisingly wasn't weirded out about it. He had accidently walked in on America wearing a blue short ruffled dress but did not say anything. He stared and maybe even drooled a little before he was promply threatened by both Canada and Mexico that if he ever told, he would never get to eat his pasta painlessly again. Italy had blinked out of it, cried like a baby, and agreed. He then ran out the room, never once looking back.

Now, what was this so called secret that Italy has accidentely found out about?

Cross dressing modeling.

Now, don't get the three of them wrong. They do not do it for men or money. They raised each other better than that. Oh no. The reason why the three cross dress for modeling once in a while is simple.

Food.

It was really all they were doing it for. They get lazy making their own food and the magazine producers make sure to always reward them with very good tasting food if they kept on modeling. The trio, especially America, couldn't refuse the offer of food nor the pleas of the man. They agreed and have been doing it ever since. 

Today they were scheduled to do their first shoot of the year, the three of them trying on dresses at the mall before they headed over. This was, of course, after the world meeting that was finally finished in Los Angeles, California. America had recieved the call to come over with his brothers so he volunteered to host the rescheduled meeting at his place. But this also meant that the countries would still be around afterwards with their flights heading out tomorrow. So they had to be careful travelling around, especially at the mall. 

Now, back to the dressing room at some random ass JcPenny's or Macy's or where ever the hell they were, Canada has decided to try on a silver metallic poofy dress with a v neck. He wore very high metallic heels and shiny grey eyeshadow. His brothers hooted when he strutted out the room, where he made a graceful turn and snapped his fingers.

"You can look. But you cannot touch."

America let out a fake eye roll and pushed Canada to the side.

"Watch it girlfriend! I'll show you how it's done!"

Canada let out a girly huff and sat down next to his brother, who was looking at his make up with a small mirror in his hand.

America changed in the corner and then finally turned around, a blue ruffled mermaid dress that matched his eyes making its way into the light. Mexico rolled his eyes and gestured America to come over to grab the mirror so that he can do his own make up.

"Again with the blue ruffles gordo?"

"I like blue ruffles. And don't call me gordo you wall jumper!"

"Now now ladies. No fighting or else we will rumple our dresses."

America grumbled under his breath as he applied blue eyeshadow to his eyes. They weren't even going to buy these dresses but they liked to practice beforehand and America didn't have any new dresses they haven't tried on already. He made a note to buy more as he finished his make up and blinked.

"There! Now Im way more fabulous than you two! I am the Cinderella prince charming wished he had!"

"What?! No way! I look like the hotter, sassier version of Elsa! She wish she could!"

"Que?! You look like a robot! I look like Jessica Rabbit! She wish her ass was this big and plump!"

The three argued over who looked the best before a knock froze them all into their spots. No one spoke up until the voice outside piped up.

"Excuse me? Are you guys done in there?! I need to try some trousers on!"

"More like he needs a replacement after he dropped tea on his delicate pair!"

"It was so awesome the way he jumped up so high!"

A familiar French, Spanish, and German laugh with an English bickering sounded from behind the door which sent the three staring at each other in horror. They knew it was too late to change back into their regular clothes and England was the type to call the manager if they said told him to wait. So, the three looked at each other and agreed on what to do. They pulled their hair into very small buns and added extra mascara onto their eyelashes. They stuffed their chests full of their original shirts and opened the door, making the four behind it stop and stare. 

"You can have it now boys."

America said in the best imitation of a girl he can manage and pulled his "sisters" with him. He knew they were going to have to pay for the dresses and was near the counter when they were suddenly pulled back.

"Miss, you sure are very awesome to look at! Why don't you hang around with us for a while?"

Prussia's stupid flirting made them all roll their eyes. What a desperate whore. Canada pulled America's wrist out of the Prussian's grasp.

"So sorry. My sisters and I really must be going."

He did a quick curtsie and again they all made to leave before he had a arm slung over his shoulder.

"Ahh. But why would fine ladies like you need to hurry? Who ever is making such perfection rush really need to go lay down. You just must join us!"

Mexico cried internally when Spain grabbed his hand and kissed it while bowing his head politely.

"I can tell you are Mexican. You look so much like someone I know, if only he hung around me more often. Please stay for just a while?"

He attempted puppy eyes and shoved England to do the same. England looked at the girl who reminded him of America and did his very best to do so. But, it looked more like he was having a twitching attack, which creeped America to no end.

"Okay! Okay! Just never make that face again!"

His high pitched voice cried out, grabbing Mexico from Spain's hold and Canada from France's. 

"We need to use the bathroom though. Erm... Lady stuff. We'll be right back! Good luck with your trousers!"

Before the others could say anything, America and his brothers ran to pay for everything they had used. They threw a wad of $500 at the cashier and ran out the store, looking for another clothes store so that they can change out of their female disguises. Several passerbys whistled and stopped to stare. After all, they looked like models compared to the average mall joe who came in wearing Vans and white plain t-shirts. 

Canada glared at them, daring them to even try to oogle his brothers or touch them. Mexico did the same from America's other side while the latter remained oblivious, finally managing to locate a Macy's at the lower floor.

"There is a Macy's down there! Quick let's go!"

America and his brothers headed towards the escalator and made it to the lower floor with only a handful of girls complimenting them and another handful glaring jealously at them. They nearly made it inside before America was grabbed by the shoulder.

"Was the bathroom not working back at the other store Miss?"

America nearly cried at becoming so close on making it out and he slowly turned to face the four.

"Yes. It would appear so."

"Of course. They really need to fix their bathrooms. Now, Misses... My apologies, I never quite got your names."

America looked at his brothers who looked back hopelessly. Finally, Mexico cleared his throat and dipped his head slightly.

"My name is Maria Gonzalez."

Canada copied his brother's actions.

"And My name is Madeline West."

America got the hint and dipped his head too nervously low.

"And mine is Amelia Smith."

They made sure not to use their real last names and started to linger towards the entrance of the Macy's.

"Well, we must still use the bathroom!"

"Of course mon cheri. We will come with and wait outside the door. It is only polite!"

Before any of them could protest, the Frenchman grabbed "Maria" by the hand and pulled "her" gently inside the store. Prussia wasn't as gentlemanly, grabbing Madeline's hand and running inside the store while she tried to keep up. 

"Amelia" awkwardly let England grab her hand and lead her into the store, Spain quietly following after the two. They remained silent up until they reached the bathroom and quickly filed inside. They locked the door and looked depressingly at each other.

"They are not going to leave us alone!"

"I can see that Madeline! But, we just have to play along and then they will eventually leave!"

"They are so touchy though! And our shoot is in 20 minutes!"

"Crap Maria! You're right!"

Amelia groaned and dramatically leaned againist her sister.

"I will never let a girl be in this situation if I ever see it happening again. This just sucks!"

The other two agreed and bitterly got ready to leave the bathroom. Once they did, Spain scared the shit out of them when he bounced in front of them, two Italians appearing out of no where at his right and left side.

"Ladies! I want you all to meet my nephews! Feliciano and Romano!"

The brothers knew that the two Italians weren't actually his nephews but he probably said it to keep their secret of being actual countries. Still, they smiled forcingly and nodded politely.

"Nice to meet you tw-"

Romano and Feliciano bursted into laughter, earning the confusion of the three and the shock of the other four. The brothers rarely ever found the same thing funny. They continued their laughing fit until Romano leaned against Amelia and whispered in her ear.

"The ruffles really do suit you well, America."

Amelia gaped in shock and her sisters whipped their heads to glare at Feliciano. Their eyes promised a very painful punishment for telling their secret to someone else and that seemed to pull him out of his laughing fit. He whimpered and hid behind a still laughing Romano, who was then pulled by the ear by his "Uncle" Antonio.

"Romano! That is no way to greet some ladies! I thought I raised you better than that!"

"Ow ow ow OW!"

Now it was the brothers' turn to laugh as Romano rubbed his ear and Italy continued to hide behind him.

"Now apologise. Right now."

"I...Im sorry.."

He grudgingly forced out, crossing his arms and glaring at the floor. Maria grinned and threw an arm around him.

"No problemo at all chico. Now, will these two be joining us?"

"What? Joining? What are we joining?"

"Very good question. What are you talking about Maria?"

Madeline asked, her feet starting to hurt after having been standing in heels for too long. Maria grinned and held Romano closer to her fake shirt breasts.

"The bar of course!"

Her two sisters blinked before a lightbulb appeared over their heads and they ohh'd with the same ":o" face.

"Of course! The bar! We must go. Now."

Before the other four could protest, Amelia grabbed England's arm and hurried her way to the first floor. Madeline took France's and Prussia's arm and Maria grabbed the two Italies, leaving Spain to pout at the lack of company. 

*Time skip brought you by a lazy ass author :>*

The group of 9 have arrived at the local bar, with just 10 minutes left until the "ladies" had to go to the shoot. They really did not want to miss it as the meal being served today was going to be lasagna. And they all did love lasagna. Though, if the 2 Italies have heard about their love for Italian food, they will never hear the end of it.   
Amelia slammed her credit card onto the counter and smiled at the other 4 countries.

"It's all on me. Drink up!"

"Oh no. You really shouldn't. I will pay."

England immediately started digging for his wallet before Madeline stopped him.

"No no. You have been generous enough, waiting for us in the bathroom. We will pay."

"No I insist-"

"Just let them pay Inglaterre. These ladies love to be independent! How lovely~"

The Frenchman was already drunk with his 5th drink in his hand. England blinked at how quickly the others managed to order and drink so much while he tried to reason with the women.

"Alright I guess. Thank you."

"No problem du-"

Amelia's voice nearly returned to America's as she quickly closed her mouth. England looked at her funny before widening his eyes.

"Oh my god. How stupid of me!"

Maria and Madeline stared fearful, ready to bolt outside with Amelia before England shook his head.

"We never gave you our names. We really are awful!"

The ladies sighed in relief and shook their heads.

"We all make mistakes. You can give it to us now if you want to.

"Of course. My name is Arthur Kirkland."

He bowed his head politely and then elbowed the drunk Frenchman next to him.

"Hm? Oh, ma names Francis ButterFuck mon cheris.."

He slurred and Prussia bursted into laughter next to him.

"The name's Antonio!"

Spain joyly said above Prussia's loud laughter, trying to keep his own laughter in. He then punched Prussia hard on the top of his head, still keeping his "c:" face on. 

Prussia whined about having bit his tongue before he composed himself and flashed the girls his smirk.

"They call me The Extremely Awesome Gilbert! But you chicks can just call me The Ultimate Mega Extremely Awesome Gilbert the Awesome!"

Everyone rolled their eyes at him and started to order more drinks. Maria then motioned the Italies to come over to them while the others were too busy bickering about when it is appropriate to burst into someone's hotel room and make them spill their tea all over their only pair of trousers. The Italies were hesitant but eventually did come over. 

"Let me offer you a very good deal. You two help us get to our modeling shoot that starts in 6 minutes and we won't punish either of you at all for knowing about this. Got it?"

Italy thanked Maria for her kind heart while trying to kiss her high heels and Romano just nodded.

"I know just the thing to keep those bastards distracted."

Romano smiled evily and approached the 4 drunks.

"Say... I heard from the countries from North and South America that they thought you were the most badass empire in history. How do you feel about that?"

"Damn right I was."

"Well of course.

"Very badass."

"Don't forget Awesome!"

The four drunks replied at the same time, immediately earning glares at each other.

"Oh pleASE! It is obvious that The British Empire was far more surperior and massive!"

"Mon Dieu! The French Empire was far more stylish and have won the most battles in history!"

"Bah! Spanish has more native speakers than English! My influence was greater so I must have been the greatest!"

"The Germans have always been the most awesome and the best! No contest!"

The three women blinked at the heated arguement before Feliciano motioned them to leave.

"Ve~ You have to run now! Go!"

They wisely obeyed and ran out the exit, narrowingly avoiding empty glasses now being thrown around the bar. Amelia hailed a taxi and the brothers made it just in time in front of the building. Amelia thanked the driver, threw a 50 dollar bill at him, and dragged her sisters inside the building. The main guy in charge was waiting for them, immediately rushing them into different outfits and make up.

Sure enough, 20 minutes after the shoot was supposed to take place, the brothers were ready. They threw winks and suggestive poses towards the camera, earning a large approval from the entire team. They knew it was going to be all worth it for their free food and free food was just that good. After half an hour of shooting and posing, the sisters finally become the brothers again, happily eating lasagna with make up free smiles and white robes. They very much enjoyed it and were having the time of their lives.

"Wow! This is really good!"

"You said it brother!"

.....

"Really though? Maria as a name? It's so basic."

"Well you try coming up with a name, it's hard!"

"I did you dumbass! My name was Amelia!"

"Yeah. How original."

"Guysss. Im trying to eat!"

Canada bitched, kicking both their legs. He was on his second piece and Mexico's and America's bickering were ruining the taste. The other two rolled their eyes but lost their attitudes when they took another bite of lasagna immediately seeing roses blossom around them again....

Before the door slammed open and their fellow tsundere ass counterparts glared hard at them, glass covering their bodies. Both Italies stood behind them with Prussia, mouthing at them to make a run for it before it was too late.

A freshly printed magazine was in their hands and the former sisters wearing maid outfits was printed very clearly on the front cover. 

America looked like he wanted to cry and Mexico actually did cry, his fork still in his mouth as he threw himself backwards to lay on the couch. Canada looked at his lasagna and then at France before he slowly put the food down and folded his hands on top of his lap. After two seconds of silence, the pissed off countries finally made some movement. England pulled out an umbrella, France pulled out his shoe, and Spain pulled out his belt.

"So.. you were cross dressing inappropriately for...Lasagna?!"

"I can't believe mon cheri Mathieu would even- lie to me! I don't care about the modeling, you never lie to Fwansick Butterfuck" (He was still drunk as shit)

"I will not have one of my ex colonies whore themselves out to the world. Pull your pants down. Now!" 

Mexico screamed at the sight of the belt and threw his lasagna at him. He made a successful run for it, knocking the Italies over. Spain was hot on his tails though, his belt still firm in his right hand. 

Canada was less suicidal though, letting France bring him into a private room to get his ass beat. That left America alone, who screamed bloody murder when England charged at him with the umbrella. Prussia decided to spare America the embarrassment of getting his ass beat by closing the door, holding in his drunken snickers as the two Italies picked themselves up. 

"How unawesome! I never punished my little brother for anything!"

"Ve~ Thats because Germany probably never misbehaved!"

"Ja. I guess so."

Romano winced at the big shriek that echoed through out the hallways, knowing that the Mexican never made it to the exit. 

"Poor bastard. If only these idiots never checked the credit card's name that America has left to pay for them."

Prussia took the credit card from Romano's hands and placed it in his pocket.

"Mine now. Man, such a shame too. They were really hot."

"Psh! I bet I could make a hotter chick!"

"Ve~ It is not nice to tell lies fratello! I would be way more prettier!"

"Oh please! The Awesomeness of the one and only, me! That is who would be the sexiest if we were all chicks!" 

The three stared each other down before bolting towards the exit. They knew that the mall's Macy's was still open at this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry. There will be an actual gender bent chapter coming one of these days.


	4. Of Toilets and Lollipops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day Germany got adopted as a dad.  
> Also, the day the brothers nearly get molested.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nope, still not on drugs.

"¡Mierda! ¡Hermano! ¡Estorbé el baño! ¡El bastardo de Alemania nos va a matar!" (Shit! Brother! I clogged the toilet! The bastard of Germany is going to kill us)

"Ew! Well don't look at me! Matthew dude! Get a plunger!"

"Quoi? Alfred! Je ne sais pas où c'est!" (What? Alfred! I don't know where it is!)

The three brothers panicked as more water began to rise in the toilet. America turned off the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. Canada had dropped his hair brush when the dreadful noise of the toilet's water not going down reached his ears and started to look around for the toilet plunger. The water began to reach the limit as Mexico screeched and hid behind Canada. 

"I thought German engineering would be able to withhold 17 pounds of golf balls!"

"Obviously this toilet is an old version of German engineering! Do you see how old Germany is?!"

America threw the bathroom door open once the water started spilling towards the ground. He knew when it was time to go. And right now, it was time to go. 

He ran down the hallway at lightning speed, slipping on his own puddle of water once he reached the stairs. He cursed and tumbled down like a sack of potatoes. Mexico and Canada gave up in their attempts to fix the toilet and followed after him. They nearly met the same fate he did when they reached the stairs. But they were, of course, way smarter. They desended down the steps more calmly and picked America off the floor when they reached the bottom.

"We better go! Germany will be back any minute now!"

"Pero cabron! Estas chilundo!" (But dumbass! You are naked!)

America smiled sheepishly and pulled his towel more up.

"Would you rather get skinned alive by an angry German?"

His brothers both shook their heads and they were out of there in the blink of an eye. They ran again through the streets of Berlin back to their hotel. They don't know how they managed to pass the airport security after Germany put them on the temporary ban from entering the country list but with Mexico as a brother, it was a breeze. 

They pushed pass multiple angry Germans, knowing that Germany was going to be furious that they snuck into his house and used his bathroom. They had been in the neighborhood, not wanting to be in that stuffy hotel room, and one thing came after another and boom! They have broke into his home and busted his toilet. Canada shook his head at their reckless behavior. He was supposed to be the mature one.

Yet, he did not stop his brother from pouring 17 pounds of golfballs into the toilet. His curiousity has won over his logic. And now, Germany was going to kill them.

They finally made it back into their hotel and locked the door, bolting for the bathroom so that they could finish what they were doing before. Canada went back to brushing his hair, Mexico went back to cutting his nails, and America jumped right back into the shower. It was as if they had never broke Germany's toilet in the first place.

And then... a very angry German yell echoed across the city, making it's way into their ears and dozens more. The citizens of the city seemed to be used to hearing each other yell though, continuing on their merry way. But the Americans stopped what they were doing and stared in horror.

"He can really scream."

"Geez, Dude is going to bust a vein."

"Ay, he yells just as loudly as Dominican Republic."

They returned to what they were doing until all three of their phones buzzed at the same time. 

"To the person who broke my toilet....ich werde dich finden." (I will find you)

The brothers laughed nervously and discarded their phones. They knew Germany was very serious when it came to getting someone in trouble and were already planning to avoid his fury and run towards neighboring Austria. 

America had already finished his very long shower and started to dry himself up and dress. Mexico put his nail clippers back in his pocket and smiled at his reflection on his shiny nails. Canada's hair looked very neat before the owner ruffled it a bit. Then they ran out the bathroom and started to gather their things. Germany does not take long at all before he finds out who has done it.

They put everything in their bookbags and ran out the hotel room. They dodged many people in the hallway and threw a "Danke!" and their keys at the front desk.

They then made a run for it, knowing that Germany was storming his way through town to yell at them. They giggled like school girls and skipped merrily towards the border. They also knew that Austria was going to be angry at their unannounced welcome but they would rather take an angry Austria over an angry Germany anyday. They knew that they weren't even near the border before furious yells that belonged to Germany came from behind them.

America shrieked and hid behind a pole. Germany had found them way too quickly. His brothers froze in their steps and looked behind them. Germany was furious alright. His face was blood red and his hands looked like they hurted not to be wrapped around their throats.

"You! YOU 3!"

"EeK!" Canada screeched hiding behind the same pole America was hiding behind.

"How did you know it was us? Better yet.. How did you find us so fast?" 

Mexico asked, wisely taking a few steps away from the fast approaching German. 

"YOU IDIOTS LEFT THIS!"

He held up America's glasses and Canada's ball of blond hair that he had left in the sink. America touched his face and noticed that his glasses were, indeed, missing.

"Wow! I never noticed! You probably came just to drop them off and leave, right dude? Hahaha..."

Germany lunged at the Mexican, who was the nearest, ready to beat his ass. He never got to though as Germany was pulled back by someone. That someone bore a lazy big smile with twinkling green eyes. His brown hair was in a small ponytail and he winked at the Mexican. 

"Ola Mexico!"

He noticed the other two brothers doing a terrible job in hiding from their attacker.

"Ola America! Ola Canchuck!"

"Erm.. It's Canada."

"Well Germany... What's the problem?" 

"PROBLEM? THE PROBLEM IS THAT THESE BUFFOONS RUINED MY TOILET AND TURNED MY STAIRS INTO A WATERFALL!"

The three smiled sheepishly and looked away innocently with halos above their heads. Portugal stared before he bursted into laughter, smacking Germany hard on the back.

"Why? Just a toilet? Relax amigo! You needed to replace it anyways, that thing is probably ancient!"

Suprisingly, Germany's red simmered down at the other's words. They blinked at his quick change of mood and noted to always have Portugal around when they pissed off Germany.

"Ja.. I guess it did. You 3 will be paying for the damages though!"

"Ah.. Of course Germany. Money will be in the mail."

Canada timidly answered for them, stepping away from the pole. He and America then jumped 20 feet in the air when he approached them but settled down when he extended his hand that contained America's glasses.

"Well? You going to take them or not?!"

America grabbed them quickly and grinned back.

"Danke Deutschland bro!"

"Eh... Don't speak German around me again. AND FIX YOUR HAIR AND BUTTON YOUR SHIRT UP! MEIN GOTT!"

Germany barked as he buttoned the other's shirt and pulled out a comb. He combed the American's hair neatly and then stomped away, putting the brush back into his pocket as he left the older country alone with the other three.

"Geez. Thanks dad."

America jokingly responded, knowing that Germany could still hear him. His brothers brushed themselves off and stood next to him, blissfully watching Germany vanish back into the distance.

Portugal turned his head towards them and creepily smiled at them and pulled out three lollipops. 

"Would any of you dears like some candy?"

"OOO YES!"

They answered at the same time swiping the lollipops from his hands. America took blue, Canada took red, and Mexico took green. They licked them at the same time, grinning in happiness over the sweet treats. They did not notice Portugal blushing madly nor did they notice the way his hands were shakingly nearing them. Just as he was about to touch them, Canada turned to face him and gave him a confused look.

"Portugal? Why does France tell me never to be alone with you?"

Portugal blinked off guard and brought his hands back to his sides.

"I don't know. What did he say about me?"

"Just that you are not a good role model and that you tend to be weird with us."

"Oh yes, England banned me from ever being alone with you too. He told me: Grr America, you never talk to Portugal unless Im around. You understand lad? But I just think he was being possessive."

America shrugged, already finished with his blue lollipop. Portugal pouted at not being able to enjoy the sight of him downing the lollipop before he looked at Mexico.

"And what did Spain say about me?"

Mexico's eyes widened and he awkwardly looked away while he continued sucking his lollipop.

"Mexico..."

"Ay alright, alright. But don't tell him I told you. He said and I quote: Mexico, I do not want you near my stupid brother. He's like me but more like an parasite that won't leave until it leeches out every ounce of you. You tell him I said this or if you even breathe near him and I will kill you and then him! Got it?! Now bend over, I need to fini-"

"WoAH MEXICO! TOO MUCH INFORMATION!"  
America yelled, covering his ears while Canada smacked him for being an immature baby.

Mexico erupted with laughter, nearly paying a visit to heaven when his lolipop went too deep down his throat. Portugal did not get to enjoy that sight either as he grew angry at his brother and his gay friends. He regained his creepy smile though and felt his eye twitch. 

"Well... I'll tell you what. They were just jealous. They knew I was a way better mentor than the three of them combined! Just ask Brazil!"

"But Brazil told me you were just like Spain-"

"Well who asked Brazil? His taste is like his country. Garbage."

Portugal hissed, hating being compared to his brother. He was going to have to get his brother back for calling him a parasite and making Mexico stay away from him. 

The brothers stared in shock over his comment but Portugal changed the subject before they could even point it out.

"Now. Since I scared big mean Germany away, would you like to come with me to my house? It's been awful lonely."

Portugal winked and pointed to a big white van.

"I will even provide free transport!"

The three brothers looked at each other before they smiled and looked back at him.

"Oui!"

"Yes!"

"Si!"

Portugal grinned and motioned for them to start walking.

"Alright then! Get in the van!"

The three failed to notice that they had just failed the most basic pedophile trick in the book and entered inside. Portugal cackled and jumped into the driver's seat, locking the doors to the van. 

"Ready you three?"

"Yes Mr. Portugal!"

"Then let's goooo!"

He started the van and drove away, a very not so innocent scheme in his mind.

'It's finally my turn with them!'

He thought joyfully, pushing the speed of the van to the max. The three in the back rummaged through their bookbags, taking out their 3DS to play Mario Kart.

"Portugal!"

"Yes doll?"

"Have you ever played Mario Kart?"

"Hm? Oh yes, I have once. I have beaten my little brother in Grand Prix!" 

He laughed at the memory of his brother crying on Romano's shoulder when he lost to him. He was so sure that he was going to beat him too. Spain has never played it with him again, out of the embarrassment that Portugal had beaten him first and nothing will ever change that.

America smiled at him and held up his 3DS. 

"I have beaten Japan some times..But he does have more wins than me!"

He pouted and returned to making the lobby for his two brothers. Portugal nearly sqealed at his cute pout and made a turn. They have already reached the border of Belgium and he wanted to avoid Paris. France was sure to see them and call the other two tsunderes to come help him chop his head off. 

He heard Mexico scream in victory over passing the other two in the race and the van shook with his excitement. He mentally checked in his head if he still had the handcuffs France had given to him for Christmas and nodded in satisfaction when he noticed that he did. 

"Phew! What a fun night this will be~"

Germany narrowingly eyed the white van heading towards Belgium. He knew what Portugal was up to and had decided that the three countries deserved whatever Portugal planned to do with them for breaking his toilet. But, something in his stiff heart pulled at him and he grumbled irritatedly.

"Those 3 deserve what's coming."

He huffed and started to walk back to his flooded home before the same annoying feeling persisted. He kept stopping in his footsteps before he eventually yelled frustratingly and turned on his heel.

"Those idiots! Damn they are gonna be the end of me!"

He ran towards the airport, planning to intercept Portugal and save those damn kids. He will never admit it to anyone in the entire history of the world but he felt guilty for leaving Portugal alone with them. He knew how Portugal was and he still left the fate of the 3 in his hands. 

He continued running and decided to save them alone. If he called the others, they were sure to just be annoying and kill Portugal on the spot. He reached the airport and demanded the fastest plane to the country. 

He did not care for them. No, not at all. He was just... doing his job of keeping order. Yes, that's it. He totally does not see them as kids he needed to protect. Nope, definitely not.

Portugal complained loudly when the van suddenly stopped in Northern France, banging his head against the wheel.

"It's broken!"

"Erm Portugal-"

"We are going to have to walk it."

"Po-"

"Okay, its just some thousand miles, I think we can make it if w-"

"Portugal!!"

"Huh?"

He intelligently replied looking back at the 3. Canada smiled and pulled out his headphones.

"The car ran out of gas. We just have to go get more and it'll work again!"

"Gas? Ohh."

Portugal smiled stupidly and nodded. The other three looked knowingly at him though. Everyone knew he was not good with this type of stuff. America pulled out a gas can and stepped outside to go fill the tank.

"Wait, where did he get the can?"

"It was in the back here. Did you forget you had one?"

Portugal smacked his forehead in false embarrassment. He had stolen the van from some random parking lot and did not know what was in the back.

"Oh! Um, duh! How forgetful I am!"

"No problem bro! Happens to all of us!"

America climbed back inside and flashed him a smile that sent him melting into his seat. He slowly started the engine again and then sped down the road at crazy speeds. He was already near the border of his stupid brother and knew it was going to be just as long as it was during their trip through France. He did not notice that they had spent a day on the road and let out a big yawn that caught the attention of the other three.

"Are you tired Portugal?"

"Please. Call me João!"

"Well, João, do you want to stop at a motel or something? I don't want you to crash."

Portugal fanboyed internally when Mexico said his name and nodded.

"Of course! Very smart Mexico! Must have gotten it from me!"

He was getting very impatient and felt like he could not wait another full day. It would have to be at the motel. He finally made it inside his brother's country and made his way towards a nearby town. He sped towards a motel and stopped in the parking lot, ushering the three out. He then ran toward the entrance like a kid on Christmas day and approached the front desk. 

He started to order a room before the lady interrupted him with a very confused look. He blinked and then remembered that they did not speak English nor Portuguese here. He did know Spanish but his accent and pronounciation was crap, making it sound like he was speaking some made up language. Not his fault that Spain's language was all wrong anyways. He smiled stupidly at the still waiting lady at the front and pulled Mexico in front of him by the shoulders.

"Order a room honey."

"Oh. Okay!"

He spoke in fast spanish with the lady, who looked relieved that someone in the group actually spoke it. She then stared weirdly at the way Portugal had still not released Mexico's shoulders and the way he seemed to be biting his lip and started pressing himself up against the other's back. She looked to see if the other two had noticed but they didn't, too busy looking like they weren't going to pass out due to exhaustion. 

She then turned her attention back to the Mexican and smiled. She gave him the keys and bidded him farewell. It always entertained her to see a couple trying to be discreet in a group of friends. Portugal seemed to snap out of his lewd daze and ran to the room number Mexico had told them. He impatiently waited by the door when the other three took their sweet time going up the stairs and roughly shoved them all inside.  
He locked the door and basically dragged them inside the bedroom. Mexico whined when they were thrown on the bed, complaining that his boots were still on. America and Canada had already passed out, their mouths wide open as they slept. Portugal rolled his eyes and took off their shoes.

"Ya amor. You happy?"

Mexico did not answer, his eyes already shut and his chest comfortably rising and falling. Portugal smiled and for a second, all lewd thoughts hurled out of his head.

"Ah! You guys are so cutee!"

He jumped up and down and placed his hand over his mouth. He heard the floor below him knock a broom stick to usher them to be quiet but he could care less. He loomed over the three and started to cackle.

"Guess the drugs finally worked! Those lollipops did the trick!"

He moved to grab the twin's glasses and Mexico's sun hat before his phone rang loudly. He scowled and went to pick it up, faking a polite voice.

"Ola?"

"Portugal, I need you to leave those three morons alone."

Portugal blinked and then paced around the room.

"Ah.. But I am not doing anything German-"

"Don't play so stupid! I know you won't keep your grubby hands to yourself! Now, let me talk to them!"

Portugal glared at being caught and shook his head, forgetting that Germany can't see him.

"It appears they can't reach the phone right now. They are asleep. I will let them contact you when they are awake. Bye bye!"

"PORTU-"

He hung up with a click and turned his attention back towards the brothers. He walked to the edge of the bed and climbed on, taking the glasses and the sun hat off of them while also discarding their coats and pants. 

"Damn, Germany is going to kill me." He said laughing while he started to lay on top of them. 

Germany ran towards the direction in where he managed to track Portugal's phone. He was a very good runner and made it to the motel in less than a minute. Chasing Italy has given him the practice. He ignored the front desk, yelling that it was an emergency, and ran up the stairs. His legs were in pain but that's just the way he liked them. 

He skidded around the corner and ran to the room where the call had come from. He took a step back and then charged, the door breaking off it's hedges as he ran towards the bedroom. There, he found Portugal roaming his hands everywhere and his fury built up in his face. He yanked the man off and threw a punch on to his still smiling face. He then threw the smiling country hard and picked up the 3 brothers, walking out with them in his arms. 

After he left, Portugal snapped his fingers and crossed his arms to his chest, a pout replacing his smile.

"Darn! So close too! I guess I better try next time."

He saved the photos of the brothers sprawled across the bed to his private folder. He then picked himself up and rubbed his cheek. He fondly smiled and looked at the bookbags that they had left behind.

"All things aside, they were really nice to hang around with. Should do it again some time without their papa bear hovering around."

He laughed and smacked his bare knee, falling onto the bed in a fit full of chuckles. 

Germany drove the van back to his country, waiting patiently for the three to wake up from their drugged stances. They have managed to drive out of Spain and were now driving smoothly through Northern France. He swore that he would never tell the other three what had happened to the 3 Americans in the back. 

Especially since he was the one who let it happen. 

Germany grew angry again at the image of Portugal spreading kisses around their chests and nearly hit another car on the empty road. He wondered why the hell there was just one car on the road before the three Americans stirred from the back. The morning sun had already risen and the confusion from the back was very obvious.

"What the..."

"Why are our pants gone?!"

"Where are my boots?!"

"Why do I smell like saliva?!"

They looked around and saw Germany at the driver's seat.

"Germany?!"

"Ja. That is my name."

"Did you kidnap us?! Where's João?!"

Germany winced at their yells and looked at the mirror to look at them.

"He...fell in a ditch."

"WHAT?!"

The three of them yelled at the same time, fumbling around for their belongings. Germany widened his eyes and shook his head.

"He's fine of course! But... you three tried to save him and stripped off your clothes so that you wouldn't mess them up... but... you ended up stuck too. So... I happened to be nearby and saved you all. Ja, that's it!"

He felt his eye tick at his obvious lie but the three cheered and threw their arms around his neck. He grunted and swerved violently to the right, trying to shake them off him.

"Agh! Get off!"

"Aww Germany! You saved us!"

"Yeah! That was so unlike you dude!"

"You do love us after all you big oaf!"

Germany's face heated and he barked at them to stop touching him or else he would put them back in the ditch. The brothers obeyed and smiled from the back, making themselves comfortable. 

"Wait so what about João?"

"Who?"

"Portugal. The dude we were trying to save."

"Oh yes! Erm.. He bruised his face badly and I drove him to the hospital. Said he was fine and made me take you idiots back to my place."

"Danke Germany!"

The brothers said at the same time before they started to stare out into the scenery. Germany huffed before he let out a secret small smile, pulling out three lollipops.

"Would any of you like some sweets?"

"Oui!"

"Yes!"

"Si!"

The lolipops were taken out of his hands and the countries in the back laughed.

"You could be like... Our dad Germany!"

"Don't be stupid Canada. That's France's job."

"Eh? He's not my dad."

"What? Did he not raise you?"

"Yes but well... it's complicated.... But he's not my dad."

"Back off Bro! Germany is my dad not yours!"

"Que?! No way, no one wants to be your dad fatass. I am the way more cooler son!"

"Yeah! Plus Im the most well behaved! Germany would love me!"

"Yeah but I look more like him and I speak German! German ancestry is the biggest in my country!"

"And?! So is Mexican ancestry and you speak Spanish but you don't see me running to be your dad! I sure as well would rather shoot myself!"

The three brothers argued in the back, not noticing the way Germany increased the pressure of his grip on the steering wheel or his darkening red face. They started to wave their hands around wildly, smacking each other's arms. Germany then stomped his foot hard on the brake, sending the unbuckled brothers flying face first into the back of the driver's seat. 

"I AM NO ONE'S DAD! NOW STOP YOUR ARGUING, IT IS GETTING ANNOYING! IF I WERE YOUR DAD THEN I WOULD HAVE LEFT YOU BACK IN THAT DITCH WITH PORTUGAL! NOW PIPE DOWN!"

He started the van again and continued to drive, steam coming out of his ears. The brothers picked themselves up, looked at each other, and then back at him.

"Okay dad."

They giggled and Germany grumbled, knowing that the three of them will never let it go. He was their dad now and he knew that they would never deny that. He patiently waited for the drugged lolipops to take effect as he carried on the long slow voyage back to his still flooded house. 

On that day, Germany has learned to never leave the Americans with Portugal alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Germany would be such a great dad. :)
> 
> (*whispers* Never take candy from strangers!)


	5. Rejoice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to where America sneaks out to be with his brothers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'll do flashbacks/memories every 5 chapters.

The Thirteen Colonies, or America as many would refer to him, stood anxiously next to the big window in his room. He was fortunate enough to be visited by his caretaker who was currently doing some paperwork in his office downstairs.

The blond boy had been so overjoyed when he saw the british flag wave gloriously in front of the morning sun, the clear blue waves splashing againist the ship that was set to stop at the docks. He'd jumped up and down with joy but he restrained himself as he waited patiently for the empire to step out of the ship. His hands were scrunched with contained excitment and his baby blue eyes shone with adoration. Many people had arrived at the docks with him, waiting for their English relatives to greet them on American soil. 

At last, after 15 minutes of settling the ship in, the passangers had started to disembark. The boy with the physical age of 4 looked around the big crowd before a familiar set of green eyes made eye contact with him. America beamed and spread his arms wide open, laughing when the other ran to scoop him up and twirl him around in the air. He clung on to the other tightly, missing the affections of his motherland after his last visit which was about 11 months ago. 

England smiled fondly at the boy and carried him to his house that was located in Boston. They spoke and laughed at each other's stories and the moment was almost perfect. America especially was very overcome with joy when the Englishman told him that he would be staying for a month. A whole month! That was more than the 2 weeks England spent with him last time! 

They fianlly arrived at their average comfortable home after about 15 minutes and England placed his colony down once they entered inside. He hung his coat and immediatley went into the kitchen. America winced when he found out that England was going to cook for the both of them. He really did not like his cooking. But he hated to see him unhappy and so, he developed the ability to down it without gagging. He shook his head and went to go sit down in the living room.

He boredly waited knowing that England was not going to allow him to enter the kitchen since he was still very young to be around the equipment. He tapped his fingers onto the arm chair and was about to go pick out one of the books on the shelves before a light tapping interrupted his thoughts. He looked up and noticed a small tan hand waving to make it's presence acknowledged. America brightened up when he recognized who it belonged to and ran to the window, tip toeing so that he could lift it up.

"Manny! Mattie!"

"Alfred!"

They whispered at each other, trying not to let England hear them. The two boys outside both wore similar white dresses to his own but the only difference was that America had a ruby red ribbon around his collar while New France had a sapphire blue one and New Spain had a gold one. 

They held each others' hands in comfort and teared up immediately. They were banned from seeing each other due to their possessive colonizers and never got to meet up much unless their colonizers were gone to Europe. Even then, distance was a big problem and the colonies were restricted to their own borders, away from each other. 

America pulled himself a bit up so that he could sit on the sill and bore a confused look on his face.

"How are you here? Won't you two get in trouble?"

"I sent a message to Canada using a nice brown eagle about two weeks ago! I told him that we should come surprise you so we made the journey and boom! We finally got here!"

"Oui! Do not worry frere! France and Spain has not visited in months! Im sure they won't notice we are gone!"

America smiled but then he frowned, looking behind his shoulder.

"England is here though. If he sees you two, he will be sure to tell France and Spain! I do want to spend time you with you both though..."

He bit his lips and looked crestfallen. His brothers replicated his expression before they brightened up a bit, grabbing his hands again.

"Just sneak out!"

"Oh si! When England is out or asleep, you can come outside and we will play!"

"Hm.. I don't know.."

America stopped himself when he noticed his brothers' puppy eyed faces before he sighed and smiled back. 

"Oh alright. Just wait near my bedroom window!"

Now leading to what was currently happening, America nervously fidgeted near his bedroom window. England took forever to do his paperwork, sometimes being locked inside his office for an entire day! But he was still nervous about being caught. Like Spain, but not as cruely, England gave harsh punishments and he did not want to be hit and locked in his room for the duration of the other's visit. 

He debated just giving up and taking a nap but the memory of his brothers' teary eyes made him set his jaw firm. He was going to sneak out. 

He ran torwards the window, lifted it up and jumped out of it. His brothers lit up with joy from their unpatient positions and the three of them ran and embraced each other in a big great hug. They stayed like that for a while, letting the warmth from each other seep in. They did not say anything and walked away from the cottage, heading into town. Once a safe distance away, they finally chatted their hearts out.

"It's been so long! What do you want to do?"

"I think we should explore my town and then go into the forest! It is very fresh in there and there is even a pwetty lake!"

"Oh okay!"

They entered the town and many people stopped to stare at the little boys. They especially stared weirdly at New Spain, who looked like an outcast compared to the blonds and brunettes of the inhabitants. New Spain hid his face shyly, his amber eyes looking down in shame. New France saw this and stared back at the citizens with a cold look, making them look away and mind their own damn business. 

America remained oblivious, skipping down the streets to a local stand of fruits, pulling out money that he earned from out of no where.

"Twee fwuits pwease!"

He accidentally let his actual lisp fall out, earning a smile and a bag of fruits from the owner. He grinned and thanked the man, grabbing his brothers' hands as he skipped with them towards the forest.

"No more town! We can eat these at the lake!"

"Yay!"

His brothers cheered as they followed him, not noticing that the sun was setting in the distance.

"Ahora?! Donde esta el niño?!"

"Angleterre, je sais que mon fils est ici!"

"I don't speak such filth! English please!"

Spain and France had very creepily arrived at England's Boston home around the same time their colonies had snuck out with America. They have arrived at their territory in the New World around the same time their colonies have departed from them and have met various shrugs over their locations. France worried and Spain fumed but they both made their way to Boston, knowing that England was set to arrive there in a few weeks.

"My New France! He's not at his home and his people knows that he is missing!"

"Same with New Spain! He is not allowed to leave his territory! I gave him a year to be in his land and came to take him back with me but he was not there!"

"And why am I suddenly a suspect?! It could have been those savages who took them for all we know!"

"New France was always close with New Spain and the Thirteen Colonies. If he isn't back home then his second and closest option is here!"

"Again, same with New Spain! You probably saw them near the borders and kidnapped them!"

"Im powerful not suicidal! I would not risk a war! They are not here! This house is empty and my 13 colonies is sleeping alone in his room! Go check if you want to!"

The two intended to do just that, bursting inside every room and searching very throughly for any signs of their charges. They bursted into America's bedroom, pulling the covers off the bed. Empty air greeted them and they raised their eyebrows. They looked around his room, noting the drawings he made of him and his brothers and the many letters he had recieved from them before coming up empty handed. Right then and there, they knew what had happened and knew England was going to be just as furious as they were right now at their discovery.

"The 13 colonies is gone."

The Britishman laughed at the Frenchman, his chest rumbling with his laughter. He continued at this even as France and Spain stared back at him with blank expressions. They did not flinch when the man immediately stood up to their height. His green eyes hardened and he bore a menacing snarl.

"Missing? Don't play dumb with me. I saw him go to his room."

"We are playing anything but Britain. He is not in his room and we found..."

The bruenette held up a crumpled drawing. It contained a picture of the 13 colonies, New France, and New Spain. The 3 were sitting under a big tree with a woman, staring into the starry night. 

England widened his eyes and took the drawing, knowing exactly who it is.

"Native America..."

"Their savage mother!"

"The former personification of this whole entire amount of land! But that's not all!"

Spain took out another drawing, pulling it far away from him as if it was venom.

"This! This is a letter that your charge had wrote!"

England snatched it from him, his snarl vanishing to a very irritated look. He knew that America was indeed not in his room as he would never have allowed the other 2 to take these things straight to him. The letter expressed sorrow, longing, and homesickness as the 4 year old wrote about how much he missed his brothers and mother. He also wrote how they should meet up in 2 weeks and the letter dates back to 6 months ago. 

"They've been meeting up."

"Yes! I came to visit my New France about 2 weeks ago but he was not there!"

"Neither was New Spain when I came 2 weeks early to surprise him with my arrival! The amount of time they took to meet in that letter is the same amount of time they have been missing!"

"Which means... they are meeting up now as we speak."

England glared harshly at the paper, his hand trembling at he ripped the paper up furiously and threw it to the floor.

"This will have to end now. Come on then."

He waved his hand and put on his coat. The other two followed his actions and they left the cottage, the busted down front door ignored at they headed towards the town of Boston for some answers.

"Mattie! Stop attacking me!"

"I did not attack you! Manny did!"

"That was because you sunk one of my ships!"

The three chibi colonies were playing in the clear cool crystal lake. The afternoon sky revealed it's warm red, orange, and yellow colors as the lake rumbled with laughter and small splashes. The boys were pretending to have a war, declaring themselves as their own empires.

"The New French Empire launches a canon!"

New France splashed New Spain, earning a yelp from the tan boy.

"Eek! Well The New Spanish Empire attacks with another canon!"

New Spain splashed back at him and laughed when the water went inside the other's mouth. He quickly joined the other's fate when America splashed a load of water onto his big laughing mouth, prompting a coughing fit.

"The American Empire lands a big blow! Give me your territories! Now!"

New Spain continued to cough harshly, prompting his laughing brothers to quickly look at him with concern.

"Manny? Manny! Are you okay?"

New Spain shook his head, his eyes tearing up as he continued to cough more and more. His eyes flashed and an image of his brother's face looking down at him with a gun in his hands appeared in his head. His eyes were hidden with the shine of some weird glasses he had never wore and he looked more...mature. He gave him one last look before he turned around and headed to the other side of a river. A very familiar river...

He snapped out of it when America shook him by the shoulders. His now chibi face filled his vision and his eyes were filled with tears and terror.

"M- New Spain! Im so sorry!"

His coughing continued but was not as harsh as it was before as he shook his head and let himself be embraced by his brother.

"So sowy Manny! I did not mean to hurt you! I just wanted more territories! I couldn't control myself!"

"I- It's a-a-alright!"

He gave in a gasp of air through his very painful throat and finally stopped coughing. He wiped his tears away and nudged his two brothers to come with him. The three of them said nothing and headed to land. They shook themselves free of water once they got there and put their dresses back on along with their ribbons.

They stayed silent and opened the bag of fruits they had left to the side. They each took one and bit into them while closing their eyes with bliss.

"Eh! This is super good!"

"Yes! It's way better than Engwand's cooking!"

"I can imagine!"

They brightened up as any 4 year old couldn't stay sad forever. They continued to walk in a random direction and chatted excitedly about their adventures back at their restricted territories.

"The lady screamed but the chicken wouldn't stop pecking her dress! She never got to put the ribbon in my hair after all! Haha!"

"Oh Manny! That was a very smart trick! I should do that to France when he makes me wear a lot of itchy stuff!"

The boys laughed as a cool breeze hit their faces. They shivered and looked at the direction where it came from only to see that the sky had turned dark blue. They widened their eyes and looked horrified at each other.

"The sun is gone!"

"And I don't know where we are! It's too dark!"

America looked near tears and a chipmunk ran past them, making them scream and bolt away. They saw a hole in a tree and jumped inside with just enough room for the three of them to huddle up. They hugged each other and shut their eyes as more wind began to pick up and a few drops of rain began to appear. 

"We have to go! Engwand will find out Im not there! He always kisses me goodnight!"

"But it's going to rain, it's dark, and it's cold!"

New France replied not letting go of his two brothers. The little drops of rain turned in big drops and it started to pour tremendously outside. The sky was pitch dark out and New France took off his dress and pinned it in front of the hole to help keep a majority of the water and wind out of the hole. 

The three stayed huddled together for warmth as the rain continued to fall through out the whole entire night. They knew that they could not go return America back tonight and that he was not the only one in trouble. England was a snitch and the other two were bound to get punished as well. 

They slowly drifted to sleep after about an hour and woke up to the chirps of many birds. New France felt sunlight hit his face and his violet eyes slowly revealed themselves. He blinked slowly a few times before letting out a big yawn and nudged his two brothers awake.

"Psst. America! New Spain!"

"Hmm?"

They answered at the same time, also blinking awake. They stretched their limbs out, hitting each other, before they sat up from their slouched positions.

"Where... Where are we?"

"We.. We are in a tree."

"Ohhh! Oh."

Recognition turned into dissapointment as they knew that their fate was sealed. They peeked from the now soaked dress door and saw the early dawn bursting from the horizon. They took a moment to bask in it's beauty with their eyes wide open and their mouths gaping just as wide. 

Finally, they slipped out of the trance and stepped out of the hole onto the muddy ground. New France decided to leave his dress there and now walked shirtless with his brothers back to the direction from where they came from. They did not rush at all and bore very fearful expressions as they managed to see the town from their views.

....

"If you killed him then there would have been a big commotion! Im talking about riots and violence!"

"He looked like he was holding in information! Not my fault your people aren't as loyal as mine!"

"Say that again. I dare you."

The Englishman whipped to face the Frenchman, who bore a smug expression. The Spaniard stood to the side, his fists shaking but his expression blank. They stood in front of the town as search parties for the 3 were already prepared and ready to launch. They haven't returned since yesterday and the three's concern had turned into anger. They looked all over town but no one seemed to know where the kids were. 

Said kids were peeking from some bushes nearby, fear marked onto their faces. They trembled at the very angry aura emitting from the three and were really just planning on getting on a ship and moving to Africa. 

"Spain and France are here! How did they get here so fast?"

"I don't know! We are sure to get in more trouble now!"

They were already planning an escape route to Africa before a brawl broke out between the other three which scared the crap out of New France who cried his eyes out and bawled at the top of his lungs. 

America and New Spain quickly tried to shush him and made attempts to cover his mouth but nothing worked. The brawl had stopped completely and France immediately perked up at the cries of his charge.

"New France?! Cherie, where are you?!"

The three of them quickly saw the hidden three in the bushes with widen eyes. Just as quickly as the relief came, anger replaced it right away.

"New France. Come over here! Now! Bring your...neighbors here too! You all are such in big trouble!"

France was the most relaxed caretaker of the group and even his anger freaked them out. They did not move a muscle which broke a straw for the other two who stopped waiting impatiently and marched their way towards the 3. Their faces promised pain and instincts made the boys bolt back into the forest. 

"AMERICA! YOU STOP HERE RIGHT NOW!"

England's run left deep dents on the muddy soil as he and the other 2 quickly gained distance on the fleeing brothers. The brothers made turn after turn, around trees and under low branches but this did not stop their chasers at all.

America started to wheeze at the amount of air he was not breathing in and New France's legs were starting to become very painful. New Spain nudged his brothers and pointed at a big tall tree. They got the hint and quickly jumped onto the trunk. They climbed it until they reached a very high branch and caught their breaths up there.

"AMERICA! GET DOWN! NOW!"

England furiously looked up at them with France and Spain mimicking his expression. They did look a bit out of breath but they continued to look threatening nonetheless.

"No! You're going to hit me!"

"DAMN RIGHT I AM! GET DOWN!"

"No! And neither are my brothers!"

"You-!"

"New Spain is mine! You do not get to decide if he comes down or not! Listen to your superior _boy!_ "

"Nu uh! New Spain belongs to no one! And.. And... You smell like tomatoes so... there!"

"Why I never-! Stop laughing!"

Spain angrily huffed as England and France couldn't help but let out a snort of amusement. They coughed down any potential of laughter and looked back up at the three.

"New France! I will not punish you as harshly if you come down now."

"Eh..."

"And America... I will only lock you inside just 3/4 of the month I am here instead of the entirety if you come down now! But you are still getting the paddle!"

"Never!"

He held onto both his brothers tightly which initiated rage in the 3 adults. They were done playing games and everyone knew it. 

England pulled out a musket from his pocket and pointed it at the branch they were sitting on. The other two took the hint and started to walk towards the tree. America widened his eyes when he saw what the other was going to do but before he could react, a bullet being fired rang in all of their ears. The bullet soared through the air and hit the branch, breaking it instantly. 

The boys fell like raindrops while failing to latch on to each other. England placed the musket back into his pocket and ran to his position, the three empires opening their arms to catch them. 

New France waved his arms frantically and bawled while America looked fearful and New Spain's dress rose up to cover his expression. The three landed in the waiting arms, being clutched closely to their chests.

"Shh it's alright.."

"Here cherie, let me fix your dress."

"Aw! You're so cute when you are scared!"

England had soothed the crying New France in his arms, France had pulled the dress back to it's rightful position which revealed New Spain's suprised look, and Spain hugged America closely, giving off a big smile. The three empires continued to hold them before noticing that the boys in their arms were not their own charges. And that they were supposed to be angry with them.

" *sniff* Merci England!"

"Gracias France!"

"Wow! Tomatoes is really strong on you Spain!"

The three empires glared down at the other's charge in their arms but did not let go. They looked at each other and shared a mutual agreement. The brothers nervously glanced back and forth to them before they were silently taken back into town. They walked in silence for a while, New France hiding his face in England's chest, New Spain digging himself closer into France's arms and the 13 colonies keeping his arms latched around Spain's neck. 

They reached England's house in a slow excruciating hour and were seated at the kitchen table with the other three sitting across from them. The colonies stared anywhere but at their superiors while their superiors stared right at them, waiting for them to make eye contact. When they didn't, England cleared his throat and tapped the table.

"I do recall telling you that you are forbidden to see your brothers America."

"Yes Engwand..."

"I also remember telling you that there will be a punishment if you did break that rule."

"Yes Engwand..."

The boy whispered while looking at his lap. His brothers shifted a bit but continued to avoid eye contact.

"There is no use looking at the floor New France. Let me see your eyes."

The Frenchman whispered which gained the focus of a pair of violet eyes. New France looked near tears and was shaking to contain them from falling.

"I understand the amount of love you must feel for them. But borders exist for a reason. If our territories cross into each other then what message would that convey? You represent New France so you must keep New France... New France."

He laid his hand on top of the blond boy's head and petted his hair.

"You must keep yourself safe. Especially from the hands of these two."

He whispered that last part in his ear and gestured at the two empires next to him. New France nodded his head and New Spain looked at him with a strong envy. He grew jealous that France was so forgiving to his brother and had stared at the exchange the whole time. He did not turn his head but he knew that Spain was patiently waiting for him to do so. 

So he did. He then shrunk back at the smile the Spaniard sent him, immediatley knowing the reason behind it. 

"New Spain. I am very certain that you know that you are not supposed to leave from the south."

"I-"

"I do think that we need to have a conversation once we are back home in Spain... _Alone._ "

"Home? Sp..Spain?"

"Yes Manuel. I came to pick you up. It's time to go home."

New Spain widened his eyes and shook his head, looking at his devastated brothers. He would never get to see them for a very long time. He felt a pain stab his heart and he kept shaking his head.

"N-No! I don't want to go!"

"Excuse me?"

"I-I-I don't! My brothers! Alfie! Mattie! I can't!"

New Spain tackled them both to the floor and refused to let go. He cried into their chests and they embraced him back. The three empires stood up right away and struggled to pull the colony off of them.

"New Spain! Get off of them!"

"It will hurt less the quicker you let go cher.."

"Have you learned nothing?! Let go! We are leaving and that is final!"

He was pulled off by the angry bruenette and was held very tightly to keep him from running away. The bruenette said his goodbye to the other two empires who nodded back and stomped out the still broken doorway. He barely made it out before America attached himself on one leg and New France attached himself onto the other.

"You are kidnapping my brother!"

"You can't take him away from us! Please!"

"You must have a brother too! You should know how much it hurts to be away from them!"

Spain's eyes softened at the crying twins and he looked back at the bawling shaking boy in his arms. New Spain reminded him of when he was a young boy under the Arabian rule. 

"I am still taking him with me. His half sibilings are waiting for him back home..."

He bent down and took the other 2 into his arms. 

"They miss him very much too. They understand how you feel."

America and New France's eyes shone with tears but they nodded. They hugged New Spain one last time and gave him a big kiss on both of his cheeks and then did the same to Spain.

"Take care of him Spwain."

"Don't... don't hurt him."

"Te amo hermanos!"

New Spain cried out rubbing his eyes very rapidly. Spain smiled and nodded his head.

"If you ever pass by in Spain, you are welcome to visit.... But only if Im home of course."

He let go of the twins and walked away, his smile dropping immediately from his face. His hold tightened on New Spain and he did not glance back at all. They wouldn't get to see their brother until after The 13 Colonies became The United States of America.

France tried to contain New France in his arms as he struggled to leave through the entrance. New France reached out for his younger brother as the said brother was being led away with England holding a paddle.

"Say goodbye to New France America. I will now have to hire someone to keep you in check."

"Go-Goo-Good bye brother!"

"B-bye bye frere! Je t'aime!"

America sadly watched his brother leave the house and once again he felt the emptiness in his heart. He let himself be led away by England into his office and he felt more terrible. He loved England but he was kind of toxic at times. 

"You know this pains me to do this America.."

America's broken expression heaved some pity in his cold heart and he frowned and hugged the boy close to him.

"My brothers were never as loving as you three were. I dreamed of us having a very close and loving relationship but it... was just never meant to be. Im sorry we stripped you away from something I have always wanted."

America hugged him back and let his tears soak the other's shirt. 

"But it is time to let these silly imaginations go. We must be glad for what we have now and move on. Colonies work with their motherland and that's it. They must learn to control while the motherland is busy. Alone. It's for the best."

America winced at his words. He would miss his brothers but his caretaker was right. It is time he grew up and learned to live on his own. It's what all countries do and even though he was just a colony, it was a big step towards not becoming a nuisance.

"Now you know what to do. Turn around, it'll be quick I promise."

"Okay.."

"There there petite. Crying does not suit your face."

"I-I-I ca-can't!"

New France rubbed his red eyes until he saw white specks in his vision. He sniffed and crossed his arms over his bare chest. 

"I-Im try-trying!"

"Hmm. I see. Well how about if I get you gift?"

"A...a gift?"

"Oui. A gift. So you won't feel so lonely!"

New France looked on with curiousity as the horse carriage continued on it's long voyage back to his border. Once they arrived, New France would be given a white bear who would keep him company for the rest of his life. He named it Kumajiro. He was a loyal pet and a best friend but he wasn't enough to replace his brothers..

From their younger times, America and his brothers had learned that they meant more to each other than they thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :( 
> 
> (This is just my headcanon. Nothing is actual canon.)


	6. Ships and Fanfiction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The brothers can't agree on fanfiction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fanfiction is life.

"Spamano!"

"Fruk!"

"Rochu!"

The three shoved each other violently while trying to reach the computer mouse. The site "Fanfiction.com" stared back at them while the glow of the computer illuminated the dark room. The chair they were piled on creaked and trembled as the three tried to click the filter to enter in their ship.

"But America! We read Rochu two days ago!"

"Yeah you fatass! I want to read Fruk!"

"That's so boring Manuel! Spamano is way more spicy!"

"We read a marathon of that last week bro! It's time for a new ship!"

The three stopped shoving each other in favor of sitting there in deep thought. Nothing came up and they shrugged uselessly. They shipped everything but there came moments where they were in the mood to read about a certain ship. Right now, the ships they each wanted to read were different from each other, prompting the earlier arguement.

"We need suggestions. Maybe we could ask-"

"Glad you asked!"

A girl with cheap glasses she got for free from her school and half dyed purple hair that was now grayish with bits of bleached hair popping out due to lack of dye suddenly appeared next to the brothers. The brothers screamed and held each other while the girl pulled out a big long list.

"UKUS, Spamex, Franada! Eee! I love dominant colonizers and their submissive colonies! I also like SwitzAus and GerIta! Spamano is also very cute too! But Im not a fan of Rusame and I find Fruk okay I gu-"

"Ew! Knock it off whoever you are! I do not like Spain! And Im not a colony!"

Mexico growled out, leaning away from her. She then smiled and a blush appeared on his face, knowing that she was the one who put it there so that everyone could see that he was lying about his feelings. 

"Yeah! And why am I the submissive one?! Im way stronger!"

"And Rusame is awesome you poser!"

"Ew what? No way, Russia is a freak!"

America argued back shoving his brother off the chair. The girl smiled before she looked back at her list.

"Well I also like FrUS and PruCan is ok-"

Canada suddenly grabbed the girl by the back of her collar and marched towards the window, opening it up. He reeled his foot back and threw it forward, kicking her a good distance away from his home. Mexico laughed crazily and America looked torn between laughing and continuing to nag him about RusAme. Canada cupped his mouth and yelled out to her.

"NO ONE LIKES OCS YOU COW!"

Mexico glared at him very harshly, prompting the Canadian to clear his throat and cup his mouth again.

"NO ONE LIKES SELF INSERTS FROM AUTHORS YOU DUMB BITCH!"

Mexico nodded and the Canadian shut the window, returning back to the chair they were sharing. He purposely slammed his ass hard on America's hand for revenge on shoving him off the chair. The American yelped and withdrawed his painful hand, glaring at his brother.

"Now. As I was saying, I think we should ask the other countries on some ships they read!"

"Hm. I guess we can. Open a video chat then."

Canada complied and went on another tab. He searched up a private video call website all countries use and turned on the camera. He sent invites to 8 other countries and waited patiently for their cameras to turn on. In the meanwhile, Mexico left torwards the kitchen and America argued with Canada over how his ass slamming wasn't even that powerful.

"Bro, it only hurted cause the bones in your ass hit my hand!"

"My ass is not flat and boney Alfred!"

"Yes it is! Admit it! You did not inherit the American ass like me and Mexico did!"

"That's not inheritance, you two are just fatter than me!"

"What the bloody hell are you two arguing about?!"

The twins turned to their screen to see a green eyed lazy Brit glare back at them. He was holding his tired face up with one hand while holding a bottle of an energy drink in the other. The twins immediately bursted into multiple comments, pointing accusingly at the other.

"America says I have no ass!"

"It's true Iggy! Look, it's just like yours!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is Matt and you know it!"

"ALRIGHT THAT'S ENOUGH!"

The two twins fell silent before 7 other tabs of faces appeared on the screen.

"Dad! Tell Alfred that he is wrong about me not having an ass!" 

Canada yelled looking at Germany's very tired face. England and France raised an eyebrow before Germany cut off whatever they were going to say.

"I am not going to yell. But I will say that you two will stop arguing at once before I come to Canada and strangle you both."

America opened his mouth but a quick look at Gemany's face made it close shut. 

"Okay dad."

"Sorry dad."

"EY PAPI!"

Mexico made his presence in the screen, jumping and landing on Canada's lap. Canada held in a yell of pain but Mexico was too busy talking while balancing a plate of tamales and a coke with both hands.

"Alemania! Como estas padre? Necessitas dinero? Te mando dinero mañana pues wey." (Germany! How are you dad? Do you need money? I will send you money tomorrow then wey.)

"I don't know what you just said but please don't eat while you talk Mexico!"

Spain looked suspiciously at the interaction before he added his own voice.

"Why are you calling Germany dad?"

"Yes, I would like to know too. Tell big brother France!"

He leaned in with random sparkles surrounding his face. Romano squinted his eyes at the bright sparkles while Russia continued to smile innocently with curiousity shining in his large eyes. China was eating while watching it all go down and Portugal was silently watching with cat like eyes, his smile widening into a cheshire smile. No one noticed his square but the brothers and Germany, who was sweating like crazy and fidgeting. 

"Oh it was because Ge-"

"Enough chat! I have things to do, why did you invite us to this call?"

Germany interrupted, glaring at Portugal's teasing grin. Canada looked suprised at his outburst but shook his head and answered his question.

"Oh! Well, we wanted some recomendations."

"Recomendations? Very well, I think that you should really trim your hair down, you look like a frog."

"Excuse me?! My hair is very beautiful, at least it does not look like a pine cone! Alfred, cherie, you should grow out your hair. It would look much fabulous!"

The two Europeans argued loudly over their hair while the others watched boredly, waiting for the arguement to end. Mexico let out a big yawn and then glared at his brothers when they stole bites of his tamales and sips of his coke. They blinked back innocently and he just sighed and returned to see that the Europeans had finally stopped bickering.

"Now, what were you going to ask so that I can go back to making more noodles?"

China asked, his bowl half empty of the stuff. America cleared his throat and smiled brightly.

"As Canada was saying, we need recomendations. You see, we came to his house and decided to read fanfiction. But the problem is that we don't know which ship to read so we need your help. I wanted to read Rochu, Canada wanted to read Spamano, and Mexico wanted to read Fruk. So... any suggestions?"

Gaping faces stared back at them, some of countries mentioned blushing furiously over their supposed relationships with someone else. Mexico looked back confused, checking to see if the computer hadn't froze. He regretted leaning in so close when a chorus of yells made his ears ring, making him jerk back. 

"WHAT?! FRUK? ID RATHER SCREW A RABBIT!"

"Homosexuality is banned in my country, da?"

"WHO ARE THE BASTARDS MAKING THESE READINGS ANYWAYS? I WILL KILL THEM! HOW DARE THEY PAIR ME UP WITH THAT TOMATO SUCKING MORON!"

"ARU! NO WAY! russia is a freak!"

China mouthed that part, knowing that Russia would probably sit on him the next time he saw him if he were to hear that.

The others calmly waiting for the yelling to calm down before France smiled and flipped his hair.

"Have you tried Rusame?"

"NO WAY! WE ARE NOT READING RUSSAME!"

"May as well Fredka. We will become one one day." :^)

"Fuck off you commie! Go screw China in the back of a truck!"

China blushed and narrowed his eyes, ready to yell before Spain spoke up.

"How about Itacest?"

"Hm. Im intrigued."

Canada answered, putting his finger to his chin. Romano's screams nearly shattered the computer screen before Spain and Canada laughed and waved their hands.

"Joke! It was a joke Romano!"

"Yeah! Joke! Of course we aren't serious!"

They shared a discreet look, promising to exchange more information later. Meanwhile, Germany and Portugal continued to have a staring contest, ignoring everyone else before Russia piped into the conversation.

"How about SeaWy? They seem very...close."

"Ah yes! That one is good too! Canada, mon cher, are you getting this down?"

"Every word! More suggestions!"

Canada said, holding a big pencil and notepad. 

"How about SweFin!"

"Bloody hell. You need JapGre!"

"No you bastards forgot DenNor!"

"IceKong~!"

"Yawn! These are all the basic ships though!" 

Portugal's voice finally made it's first appearance, prompting everyone to finally notice him. He smiled and winked, prompting groans from everyone. His little brother glared at him and crossed his arms.

"Well hermano. What do you suggest?"

"PortNorthAmerica."

"Aww João loves us!"

The three brothers smiled innocently while a flower effect appeared around them. Their three colonizers and their dad though immediatley exploded.

"That is the worst bloody ship in history!"

"Yes! It would not even float if you were to take it to the sea!"

"Even a child could build a better ship than that monstrosity!"

"Do not test my limit!"

Portugal laughed loudly and looked at the 3 with a big grin.

"Did you write that down sweethearts?"

"Oh! Yeah, I did!"

Canada wrote it in his notepad and Portugal nodded in satisfaction. 

"No! Erase that!"

"Aru! I can accept that ship!"

"Da! It is very cute and supports my becoming 1 goal!"

"Bah. It's way better than CanUs."

Everyone stared weirdly at the Italian before he boredly held up his phone, revealing a long list of ships on some website. The brother stared shockingly at their names being used very frequently before the other countries seem to take the ships to consideration.

"Ameripan is not bad actually!"

"PruCan isn't either!"

"RusMex? Interesting."

"UsMex!"

"CanUkraine is so cute though aru!"

The three brother stopped writing ships down as more and more ships about them made their way to the screen.

"JapMex!"

"CanCuba!"

"Amebel!"

Then the countries erupted into an arguement which eventually pulled even Germany's boring ass into the shipping game.

"Aru! RusAme is way better than Rochu!"

"Non. But I will admit that Ameripan is better than RusAme!"

"No you bloody frog! JapGreece is way surperior!"

"NEIN GERITA IS THE CUTEST AND MOST ORIGINAL SHIP!"

"NO GERITA! STAY AWAY FROM MY STUPID BROTHER, SWITZAUS SHOULD BE CANON FOR ALL I CARE!"

"PortNorthAmerica is most best~"

"No means NO hermano! Besides, I really like LietPol! They go great together!"

The 8 countries argued for one million years before a new tab randomly invited itself in and a smiling girl with a big notepad greeted them.

"Can I watch you guys be gay?"

"Im kicking you out."

Canada said, grabbing the mouse. The girl screamed and rushed her sentences out.

"WAIT I WANT SOME UKUS, FRANADA, AND SPAMEX ACTION! N-"

Her window was shut off and everyone rolled their eyes simontaneously. 

"A horrible writer and a self insert! What a mess."

"Da, she should really just stop writing~!"

"Aru, everyone knows that no one likes self inserts in fanfiction!"

Everyone nodded their heads before they stood in silence.

"Well.. that was interesting."

"Oui. I believe it is time to...take care of some important matters."

France added, searching up in his phone for some fanfiction. The others quickly did the same with their own ships before waving their goodbyes and leaving the video chat. The brothers looked at the only tab remaining, a smiling Joăo staring deep into their souls.

"Well? Are you not going to go on Fanfiction.net?"

America asked when his two brothers remained silent. The country slowly shook his head, his smile still in place on his face.

"Well... I am more of a Wattpad type of guy~ But no. I have checked numerous times. There are no PortNorthAnerica."

"Well maybe you could make one!" 

Canada added helpfully, finishing Mexico's coke without his permission. Portugal brightened up and nodded, waving a finger at the boy.

"Very good idea Canada! So smart! I will need some...ahem.. insipiration though.... Do you three mind stripp-"

A tab suddenly opened up and an angry German appeared, glaring at the country.

"I have hacked the system. I am shutting you down."

Before Portugal could react, he and Germany were suddenly logged off, leaving the brothers to close the tab and stare back at the Fanfiction.Net screen from before. They finished the tamales Mexico had made and sighed, not anywhere close to finding a ship to read about. 

"So... what do we read?"

"Ugh, let's just make our own fanfiction."

"Ooo! Si! Let's make a fanfiction about everyone being shipped together! Then, all ships can be canon in it!"

"Oh! Great Idea Mexico!"

"Yeah bro! High five!"

The three laughed and high fived each other, opening a blank document to begin writing their fanfiction in. They titled it "The Unconditonal Love of the World" before putting in all the tags, country names, and all that bullshit. They grinned together and began to type.

"Let's make it fluff!"

"Let's make it smut!"

"Let's make it angst!"

The three of them stopped smiling and stared in disbelief at each other. They stayed silent, even as dawn broke the darkness outside and their computer stared back at them, the blinker that waited for them to type blinked slowly. 

From that day forward, the brothers have decided to read their fanfiction seperately on their own devices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No I do not own Fanfiction.net or Wattpad. And yes I self inserted myself. All ships are beautiful y'all!


	7. Missing ♤

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go missing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I updated late! School is giving me a lot of work! So rude. This will be a small plot story in these one shots cause why not?

"Germany! GERMANY! WAAA! SOME COUNTRIES ARE CHASING ME!!"

"What? What did you do?!"

Italy sobbed as he nearly tackled the blond onto the floor. The said blond stumbled back and held a trembling Italy in his arms.

"WAAA! I DID NOTHING! I WAS JUST STANDING THERE WAITING FOR ROMANO TO COME OUT THE BATHROOM AND THEN THESE CRAZY PEOPLE COME OUT OF NO WHERE SPEAKING GIBBERISH! YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!!"

Germany, used to Italy bawling and screaming in his ear, put him down and stood protectively in front of him. The footsteps of multiple countries came at once and the whole room shook with their rampage. 

Germany winced when the door slammed open and a crowd of countries who never came to world meetings flooded the room. He regonized all of them and frowned when he noticed their distressed looks.

"What do you want and why are you chasing Italy?!" 

"It's our half sibilings!" 

A girl with brown medium loose hair and panicked hazel eyes yelled out. She had a curl similar to Italy's and was the personification of Argentina. 

"America, Canada, and Mexico are gone! We went to visit and they were not there!"

The personification of Ecuador crazily added in. (A/N: He is not an OC and uses the design that Hima made.) One of his twin sisters, who both looked like the female version of him, nodded her head quickly and clung onto the German.

"You must help us find them! They left no note and they do not answer their phones!"

Colombia begged, shaking his arm with force. Another person quickly clunged onto his other arm.

"That Mexico owes me a new lawnmower! We have to find them and fast!"

Germany winced when he looked at the other country attached to him. He hated how the boy that held him looked so much like his colonizer. Brazil had the same body, hair, and even the same face of Portugal. The only difference was that he did not have a ponytail, his hair and eyes were black and his skin was tanner. 

The four latinos stared at him impatiently when he did not answer. He fake sighed and nodded, ignoring the small amount of anxiety the other 5 were giving him.

"Ja... I will help. And NOT BECAUSE I CARE OR ANYTHING!"

He blushed at their cheeky grins and shook Colombia and Brazil off of him. 

"We need to hold in a meeting! From there, we can gain help and rule out suspects! Agreed?"

The four latinos mummered in agreement and nodded, pulling out their phones.

"I'll let their boyfriends know!"

"Boyfriends? Who are they?!"

Germany couldn't help but curiously demand which led to a bunch of laughter. Argentina shook her head and wiped a stray tear away.

"Oh Alemania! Some of us just call England, France, and Spain their boyfriends because of how they act around each other! So much unresolved sexual tension!"

"Si! No need to go papa bear mode!"

Brazil laughed at Germany's red face and looked back at his screen to contact some countries. Many messages and calls were sent as the meeting was decided in their location, which was Italy. Germany grumbled and then nearly jumped out of his skin when Italy bursted through the door carrying his pantless brother covered in toilet paper.

"EMERGENCY MEETING FRATELLO! NO TIME FOR BATHROOMS!"

"AGH! LET GO OF ME YOU IDIOT! I WILL MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP YOU GARLIC SMELLING IDIOT!"

Italy seated his brother into his seat and then pulled some chairs around so that the room could hold a good amount of countries. He motioned the 4 latinos and Germany to sit down and continued to push around tables and chairs for the next 2 hours.

Romano stayed in his seat, too embarrassed to walk down the hall back to the bathroom without pants on, and talked with Argentina while they waited. Argentina and the Italies had a good relationship as Argentina is home to almost 60% of italian descent citizens. She knows the language and has the accent even when she speaks Spanish.

Just as Italy was finished setting up the room, the door bursted open and many nations bursted inside the room. This included the entire Western hemisphere who never show up at meetings and some African countries. Italy screeched as he was nearly trampled by the crowd and, again, ran to hide behind Germany as he was the one who was being surrounded.

"The Americans are missing?!"

Greenland's face was full of dread as he gripped Germany's front shirt. Germany moved to open his mouth before he can, he was tackled down with Italy and Greenland by their three European counterparts.

"Where is he?! Canada my dear!!!"

"My Mexico! He's gone! BUWAAAAAA!"

"GERMANY BLOODY DO SOMETHING! AMERICA IS GONE AND I NEED TO MAKE SURE HE'S NOT FUCKING OUR ECONOMIES!"

"ALRIGHT THAT'S ENOUGH!"

Germany picked the 3 Europeans up and discarded them onto their seats. He then grabbed Greenland and threw him into a chair while he left Italy clinging onto his back because he was just used to that.

"I DO NOT KNOW WHERE THEY ARE! BUT WE WILL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS! WHO HAS ANY INFORMATION THAT CAN HELP US?!"

"Ooo! Ooo! America visited my place yesterday! He said he missed me but he was acting a bit paranoid!"

Guam smiled innocently before he screamed at the huge crowd that had surrounded him. Germany made his way to the front and crossed his arms.

"What do you mean... paranoid?"

"Ah.. He was kind of fidgety. He did not smile much and he was in a rush to leave."

"AH HE'S GOT A GANG AFTER HIM!"

Dominican Republic screamed as all of Latin America gasped and murmured amongst themselves. She clutched her brown curls and held onto Guam protectively.

"Enough questions from Guam! Now we need more information on the other two and then we can tie it all up. Where was Mexico yesterday?!"

A tan hand rose in the crowd and the countries departed to reveal the owner. A girl with curly medium black hair and narrow eyes that looked like they were going to pour tears out at record speeds made her way into their view. 

"He..He was in his country. H-He called me around 2:00 in the afternoon at his place a-a-and t-told me th-that I ha-had to visi-visit next week be-because he was going to have t-to go to N-New York fo-r something."

The Philippines sniffed but kept her tears at bay. She joined Guam's side and sat down next to him while she pulled out a napkin and blew into it. Japan wrote down what they both said on a random chalkboard that popped out of nowhere and nodded.

"Very well. Now, does anyone know where Canada was?"

Blank faces blinked back at him before he growled and slammed his fists on the table.

"CANADA! HE'S AMERICA'S TWIN BROTHER, HAS VIOLET EYES, AND CARRIES A BEAR AROUND! HAS ANYONE SEEN HIM?!"

No one responded to his question and he frowned further. Japan put a big question mark under Canada and placed the chalk down.

"I do hope they are okay. Maybe we should split up and form search teams."

"Hm. Good Idea Japan. I will organize the te-"

"COMMONSWEALTH LET'S GO!"

England grabbed Australia and New Zealand and motioned the others to follow. The group ran out the room in a disorderly fashion leaving others to rush to form their own groups.

"WAIT I WAS GOING TO OR-"

"VAMOS MUCHACHOS!"

Spain sweated from the amount of effort it took to push all of the Spanish speaking countries out the door. France followed suit with his former colonies and soon the room was mostly vacant. The remaining countries stared back at him with identical smiles on their faces.

"Well Germany? Care to join team Portugal?"

Portugal held out his hand as he laid back in his chair. Germany glared at him and smacked his hand away.

"Im not going to touch you."

"Such a shame. Well, buff guys aren't really my type anyways."

He boredly waited for Germany to restrain his red face back to it's original color before he spoke again.

"But Germany.. If you really care about your sons then there are definitely strength in numbers."

His face dropped it's smug smile and for once, he looked like he was serious. His eyes had hardened and his mouth formed a striaght line.

"We need to start from what we know. Come on big guy, are you in or what?"

Germany stared at him for a while before he looked at Japan and Italy.

"Ve~ Portugal only wants to help Germany! We should let him, right Romano?"

"Psh. Whatever. Im not moving until I get some pants!"

"Germany, I think we should accept. We all have the same objective after all."

Germany stubbornly crossed his arms but nodded his head at their words. He blushed as he looked at Portugal's waiting stance and forced a grunt.

"I guess I will accept..."

"Great. Angola! Get me my laptop!"

He turned his head and held his hand out. Angola rushed forward with the laptop and gave it to him before running back to her place behind him.

"Well, this is rather simple. Since America went to visit Guam, that means he was in the Pacific Ocean, right?"

"Well yes! What does that hav-"

"And the Pacific Ocean is very far away from New York, where Mexico says thats where he was heading to."

He started to type something in his laptop before he turned it and showed Japan the screen. 

"Canada was not seen not because he's basically invisible but because he stayed at his home. This means that they could not have possibly went missing at the same time. My guess was that Canada was first since he never got to step out his country."

The screen showed google earth with the big Pacific Ocean taking up an enormous half of the planet. 

"But.. America and Mexico left their countries. America is almost never fidgety and nervous. He knew something was going to happen. He does not visit Guam on random and calls in advance. So.."

"He must have went to Guam for something else.."

Japan finished for him, putting a finger under his chin in thought. Portugal nodded and pointed to where New York was on the map.

"Mexico had something important in New York. He would never cancel on The Philippines if it wasn't. They are very close."

He closed the laptop and gave it back to Angola.

"Here's a theory. Mexico needed something in New York and America needed something in Guam. America is nervous at getting caught doing whatever he was going to do and visited Guam to provide a background story. Now, Canada was probably the first to go missing since he was not seen anywhere else. Some may argue that he could have been in the United States when America was gone but this would mean that this was planned. Him and Mexico both visiting at the same time implies that it was."

He smacked Brazil's ass and motioned for him to bring the chalkboard.

"But this is also where you need to wonder. Why would they visit if America was not there? If this was planned, which on Mexico's part it was because he told the Philippines in advance, then it wasn't for America. America would have told them if he wasn't there. No, this means something went down.. "

Portugal wrote down his theory on the chalkboard and stood up from his seat.

"Well gentlemen and Angola. It is time we take a trip and investigate!"

"Ve~ You are so smart Portugal! But where are we going? Can we go get some pasta first?!"

"NO ITALY. WE ARE GOING TO THE AIRPORT RIGHT NOW!"

Germany threw Italy and his brother over his shoulder and dashed out the room at lightning speed. 5 seconds later he walked back in quite sheepishly and paused at the doorway.

"Um...Where... exactly are we going to go first?"

"Canada's place. You always start from the one who hasn't gone far."

"Right. Japan, Portuguese countries, and Liberia because no one took you. Let's go!"

Liberia crossed her arms and grumbled but nonetheless hovered next to Angola as they made their way towards the airport.

*Time skip brought you by a Portugal mochi snoring next to a Cape Verde and Angola Mochi*

"Cape! Push him off of me!"

"Im trying! He is heavy!"

Angola glared and, with all her strength, pushed Portugal off her shoulder and onto the floor. Their plane had landed in Toronto about 5 minutes ago and the countries were having trouble trying to leave the airplane. This included a snoring Portugal, the very out of character Italian brothers, and an anxious German.

"Hurry up! The evidence could be being tampered with for all we know!"

"Don't hurry me up you fat headed bastard!"

Italy bit out, giving Germany a glare. His hands twitched from the lack of pasta he had consumed for the last 24 hours and he shoved Romano out of the aisle so that he could leave the plane.

"Ahahaha! Spain, we have to go so that we can go get somepasta~" 

Romano adopted Felicanos closed eyed expression and clung onto Portugal's still sleeping corpse. Japan blinked at their personality switch and made note to always bring pasta with him if they ever went abroad. 

They soon were in the streets of the very clean city after half an hour of fumbling and waking Portugal up with a bucket of water. Mozombique and Macau stifled their giggles at their soaking former boss while Germany held Italy down from running off to find some pasta. 

Portugal struggled to carry Romano on his back since the brunette would not let go of him ever since he first attached himself to him. This earned photos from Japan and a smile from Liberia.

"Eh~ Spain, when can we get some pasta??"

"Im not Spain Romano. But we will get you some later."

"Yay! Thank you Spain! Pasta for everybody!"

He laughed and tightened his grip around João's neck which promptly cut off his air supply.

"Ack-! R-Roma-no!"

"You stupid pantless bastard, you are cutting off his air supply! We will never get pasta if he's dead!"

"Oh no! Im so sorry Spain! Please forgive me! WAAA!"

He cried in the country's ear while Portugal winced and tried to calm him down. Germany couldn't help but smugly smile at the other's predicament. 

"Not so easy taking care of an Italian, eh?"

"Ugh. I will admit my brother has way more patience than me. Now, come on. We got a house to raid."

"YOU HEARD HIM! LET'S GO RAID!"

Brazil cackled manically and charged forward with a machete. Portugal ran after him and soon the whole group was sprinting towards the residence of a missing Canadian.

"Excuse me?! What do you mean you won't let us in?!"

Liberia slammed her fist againist the door which shook the entire frame and the person behind the door.

"I mean we called investigating first! The British were always good at solving a good mystery! Ever heard of Sherlock Holmes?!"

"OH YOU BETTER SHERUNLOCK THIS HOME BEFORE I-"

"Erm! Mr. England. We must work together to solve their disappearences! You are a very smart man, surely you must know that working seperately will lead to nothing but chaos?"

Japan smiled slightly when his flattery worked and the door unlocked. He was then met with it colliding into his face and fell backwards into Liberia's arms. 

"You're right! I am a very smart man. Come on then, I have something to show you!"

Liberia carried the knocked out Japan towards the couch while the rest of the group followed England upstairs. There, they saw Australia and New Zealand chatting outside the bedroom door while holding some folders.

"Boys, it's time for the real thing! Positions everybody!"

"Um. Did you really know we were coming?"

Brazil asked, disappointed he never got to use his machete. England blushed but shook his head at his question.

"Um.. Of course not! Now quit blabbering and belt up. We got a catch!"

Brazil helplessly looked at Portugal for a translation who sighed and gave him a smile.

"He told us to shut up and prepare ourselves because they found something."

"Ohhhh."

Brazil nodded in understanding and whined when Portugal ruffled his hair in affection.

"You'll get the hang of it once you form one of the oldest alliances in mankind, right Arthur?"

"Hm? Yeah yeah Spain. Now shut up and take a look at this!"

He held up a half empty open bottle of maple syrup in front of them, ignoring Portugal's nasty look towards him for calling him Spain. Romano seemed to defy human nature of having his eyes closed and still being able to see what was in front of him.

"Eh~ That's maple syrup Mr. England! Fratello! Mr. England found maple syrup!"

"Im not a blind bastard you idiot! Everyone in the universe knows what that is!"

"Um... Why is Italy Romano and Romano Italy?"

Nigeria questioned while she pulled out a white board full of notes. The group shrugged and Macau rolled his eyes.

"Quite obvious actually. The Italies can not go a day without pasta. They go delusional and in this case, they think they are the other. If you want this to stop, simply feed them pasta."

"Cough Nerd."

Portugal suppressed a fit of laughter, looking innocently away at Macau's glare. England waited impatiently from the side clearly not happy his moment to be intelligent was prolonged.

"Excuse me! Now, as I was going to say. Yes, this is maple syrup."

He pushed Australia and New Zealand next to him and gestured for them to do what they have practiced. Both countries looked very annoyed but rolled their eyes and went with it.

"Oh! But what does this have to do with our investigation sir?"

Australia unenthusiastically said out loud, pretending to scratch his head in confusion. England didn't notice, smiling brightly and pointing to the white board.

"Well my good man. It is quite simple. Canada indeed went missing at his home. This item was found on the floor!"

"Oh my! But why does this item support that theory?"

New Zealand put his hand to the side of his head in mock astoundation. The group watched impatiently but intently as England formed sparkles around his glowing face in pride.

"Well. Everyone knows that Canada adores maple syrup. Probably more than his own life! To see it go to such a waste, on the floor with some inside no less, is something Canada would NEVER do. He would have finished it. This means he must have went missing at the very moment he consumed the bottle!"

"We figured that out already!"

Liberia interrupted, having now entered the room. England looked annoyed at her loud entrance and at being beat but he continued on.

"Well. Did you know that this might have been planned? I-"

"Oh yeah. We figured this out too!"

"Bloody hell. Then screw the ending scene fellows. They know everything."

"What? That's all you figured out?!"

Mozambique yelled out, angry at having their time wasted. England shrugged and threw his folder behind him.

"Afraid so. I ain't a miracle worker lad."

"Wait! Let me see that bottle."

Cape Verde got up from his seat and grabbed it from the Brit's hands. He then widened his eyes and held it out to Portugal.

"Do you see what I see Papai?"

Portugal squinted at the bottle and then gasped.

"Cape Verde, you always were my favorite!"

"Hey!"

His other former colonies yelled out before Portugal took the bottle from his hands and held it to them.

"What England did not notice my fellow sweethearts and Germany..."

He turned the bottle and spilled it all over the floor.

"Was that this bottle was expired! Canada never eats expired maple syrup! Half of the bottle is gone meaning he was force fed it! This would have knocked him out!"

"How do you know all of this stuff about Cana-"

"This is also an American brand! Canada only drinks the ones from his place! This is not his! Canada went missing here but there was someone else here! He would never let this stuff in here! He was kidnapped!"

He threw the empty bottle to Macau, who placed it inside a plastic bag.

"Now, forcefeeding requires a lot of effort, especially on a strong country. There must be fingerprints all over that. Macau, get those fingerprints, eliminate ours, and search the national database!"

Macau nodded and ran out the room while Portugal smiled smugly at England.

"Well Wales? You have proven to us all how sharp your eyes really are!"

"Im not my bloody freaking bro-!"

"Anyways! While Macau does some digging at the nearby fingerprint lab, I suggest we head to New York next. He can call us when he gets the results."

"Hmph. I guess that can work. Come on then."

Germany dragged Italy out the room followed by Liberia and São Tomé, who was sent to fetch Japan. Romano rewrapped his arms around Portugal's throat and whispered in his ear.

"Eh~ If I don't get some pasta with tomatoes soon Spain..."

Portugal suddenly bolted out the room, dragging Guinea Bissau and East Timor with him. 

"Bye! Got to get these kiddies some pasta! Germany! We are stopping by a restuarant!"

"You will pay for this! I will break free from these bonds and kick your ass!"

"Oh? And what makes you so sure?"

"Because Im the he-OWW!"

Mexico pinched the loud American's side as irritation on both his face and Canada's grew. They were bound together by rope and were hanging from the air from a very big height.

"Couldn't you have ducktaped his mouth?!"

Mexico bit out, narrowing his eyes at the figure. He could not make out who it was as the room was very dark. Canada frowned as the green was returning to his pale face.

"Ugh.. I still taste the MMPH!"

"AHH! VOMIT OVER THERE! PLEASE NOT ON ME AGAIN!!"

America swung his body which in turn made the rope swing side to side as his brother heaved the expired syrup all over the floor. 

"You fatass! Stop swinging us around!"

"Like you can talk! You aren't tied next to him!"

"If this ever happens again, we are screwing those documents and hiding out back at my place! All we did was corner ourselves!"

"Fine by me! You better have more candy though!"

"Bah! Get your own! Next time, agree with me when I say that we should get Canada and get the papers together!"

"Canada is a wimp and you know it! He'd probably pass out from fright or something!"

"Im not a wimp! And seriously, not telling me?! How could you?"

The three brothers argued and swung their legs at each other while the rope made them swing side to side. The figure watched them in amusement, clearly enjoying watching them fight. Their hands held a suitcase with a lock and had the words "Classified" on them. 

"Here! Take a look at this!"

Seychelles pulled out a folder from the big filing cabinet. She handed it to Monaco who read the label out loud.

"Manuel Gonzales Hernandez de La Cruz."

"What?! Are y-"

"Buahahahaa!"

Guinea Buiness and São Tome held their stomachs as they laughed and rolled on the floor. Monaco stifled her laughter but waved the folder around to show it's contents.

"It's empty."

"Then that's one mystery solved. He came for some papers. Documents perhaps since he had hidden them in this secret storage room."

For a quick summary, after curing the Italies from LackofPasta-itis, the gang have made their ways to New York where the French gang have already done some digging. France and his poor former colonies have found out, after seducing multiple sources, that Mexico has a storage unit hidden somewhere in downtown Manhattan. Unlike England however, they have found something that the Portuguese, Axis, and Liberia did not know. 

"Mexico is involved in a secret project that includes NAFTA members only!"

"WHAT?! LET ME SEE THAT!"

Germany snatched the paper from a gaping Haiti and frowned as he read the first line.

"You're gay."

France laughed loudly and threw an arm over a laughing Haiti and French Guiana while the rest of his former colonies smacked their knees in laughter of their own. Germany was not amused and threw the crumbled paper at Portugal's open laughing mouth which caused him to have a coughing fit.

"THIS IS NO TIME FOR JOKES!"

"Aha- Yes of c-cour-ahaha! H-here!"

Haiti wiped a tear and handed him the real document. Germany snatched it and read it out loud.

"Demo Version points towards success. 30% share of overall funding will have to come from the United Mexican States of America's government. Conditions and terms pending to be accepted."

Germany then looked at the big font that titled the paper.

"NAFTA sponsored assignment: TTT  
Area: 52  
Unidentified Organization funded by the Goverments of NAFTA"

He then turned the paper and narrowed his eyes at the messy handwriting on the back.

"I cannot read this."

"What? Let me see!"

Rwanda grabbed it and was surrounded by her fellow African countries. They shook their heads and gave it back to him.

"No, this is Spanish. Equatorial Guinea's writing contains words like these."

"Does anyone know any Spanish?"

Silence answered him back and he narrowed his eyes at the still coughing Portugal.

"You! You know Spanish, the inventor is basically your brother!"

"I d- *cough* do *cough* giv*cough* give*cough*"

He held his hand out and brought the paper to his face. He continued to cough as he nodded and handed it back.

"I-it *cough* says *cough*"

"Here, let me-"

Brazil slammed a chair at the back of his head, knocking him out onto the floor. Everyone gaped at him before they erupted into complaints.

"Why?!"

"Are you crazy?! How w-?!"

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!"

Germany's hands struggled not to throttle him as Brazil smiled stupidly and stepped back a bit.

"Well it stopped his coughing....right?"

"NOW WE CAN NOT FIND OUT WHAT IT SAYS!"

"Now, calm down Germany. Brazil was just fixing the problem, as terrible as he had done."

France placed a hand on his shoulder and flipped his hair, giving him a lazy smile.

"Now, word is that Spain and his former colonies are in Guam as we speak. If you head over there now, he can translate what that says for you."

Before Germany can even open his mouth, the swarm of Portuguese Speaking countries shoved him out the messy room, with Japan and Liberia trailing after them while the Italies struggled to carry Portugal out. They whine and cursed and finally made it out the door, only banging his limp head mildly on the frame.

"Where are the first few pages?!"

"Where?! What do you mean where?! Manuel, what does he mean where?!"

"Look, I haven't touched my storage for months! I may have... misplaced some of them in there.."

"Eh?! Manny! The papers need to be together!"

Canada kicked his brother's ankle and looked fearfully at the figure. The figure did not look happy at all and the missing papers were the source. After letting them have their arguement, the figure tortured them for 2 hours for the combination lock which America finally revealed when the man threatened to kill one of them.

"Lo siento! Im sure they are back at New York, safe and sound!"

He widened his eyes when the figure stood from his seat and scan the buttons in front of him.

"I swear! They are there! I can give you the directions and you can go send someone there! Por favor! Don't hurt them again!"

"No."

The masked figure pressed the yellow button and made them scream in pain from the electric shocks. He was saving the spiked baseball bat for later.

"WAAA! GERMANY! MR. PORTUGAL IS SO HEAVY!"

"WE ARE ALREADY HERE! JUST HOLD HIM FOR A FEW MORE SECONDS!"

Italy's cry alerted Colombia who placed some papers down in favor of rushing towards the door. She opened it and screamed when a limp country fell on top of her.

"You idiot! You dropped him on her! Take him off NOW!"

Romano smacked the back of his brother's head but helped him nonetheless. Colombia held her head as the weight was carried off of her and she was helped off the floor by Angola.

"Sorry dear. Long story, where are-"

"Hola!"

Spain's smiling face and appearance earned a scream from everyone but this all went promptly ignored by him as he approached the Italies and grabbed Portugal's legs.

"Ah.. Someone finally knocked him out? Very good choice. Come on Romano, my adorable baby tomato! Let's throw him in the pool!"

Romano glared at him for the awful nickname but then chuckled darkly and matched his big grin.

"Well then you stupid bastard. Lead the way!"

They giggled like school girls and ran towards the back of America's summer home in Guam. America has a house in all of his territories, including the uninhabited ones. 

With one big swing, Spain and Romano threw Portugal into the big pool, dying of laughter when Portugal stayed motionless at the bottom.

"Is that Portugal?"

Ecuador and El Salvador walked out of the back and leaned towards the pool to look inside. It was indeed Portugal and they broke out in laughter along side the other 2.

"You guys are so mean!"

"Yeah! Pero es un broma buena!"

Colombia approached the 4 and tapped Spain's shoulder.

"Aha-Yes-ahaha-hija?"

"We should tell them what we found España."

"Oh! Right! Come along then hijos. Let's leave Tio João to enjoy his night time swim."

He slid the glass door open and politely let the others enter first before he slid it shut. They then went to join the others who were chatting lightly apart from Germany, who bore the same irritated look he always had.

"Well, what did you find out?!"

Germany impatiently barked, watching Spain sit himself inbetween Peru and Venezuela. Both countries looked very uncomfortable to be seated next to him and shifted a bit away but Spain still wore his bright smile. 

"Guam is a big island Alemania. It took us forever to find something! But we did find this!"

Colombia opened her folder and held a photograph in front of them. The photo was black and white and contained nothing but a door with the numbers "4.3.1985" on it.

"This photo was found in the base we snuck into here in Guam. It sat alone in a pile of empty folders so we know that America came for the rest of the missing papers. We also checked the security cameras and he was last seen leaving the base around some hour after he left Guam's house. Flight records show he never took a flight off the island."

Japan nodded and wrote down everything she said in a small notebook. 

"So here's what we all figured out. The brothers were kidnapped. Canada's place had half consumed expired maple syrup on his floor. It was not a Canadian brand and he would never eat it so he was force fed and knocked out. Meanwhile, Mexico has a secret storage room in New York and we found an empty folder in there. Those papers were what Mexico had went for and now we believe he is in a secret project along with Canada and America due to this paper. America here in Guam supports this even more."

Japan handed Spain the paper he was holding and continued his written out explanation.

"We have no idea what this project is but there is writing in the back and we would like you to tell us what it says please."

Japan bowed politely and folded his hands together. Spain stared at front page before he flipped it. He gave a confused glance at the writing but nonetheless spoke out loud.

"Test subject number 15 showed greatest amount of progress. Still contain many defects. Will have to tune out some areas. More element 115 is needed. Success is guaranteed to be near. Canadian Government still withholding parts. Test type 3 out of 5 is in session. "

Spain tilted his head and blinked.

"Update: It is now ready to be completed. Should be done around the next month or so. Existance is still well hidden. Now on test subject number 21. More info on page 4."

Spain blankly stared at the paper, not registering anything that it was implying. Everyone looked at each other with similar blank stares and Japan looked deep in thought. 

"Thank you for translating."

"This is a secret for a reason. They are up to something. Something... very strange."

Spain whispered softly, grabbing his silver cross hidden in his shirt. He looked thoughtful and continued when everyone stared blankly at him.

"They don't want us to know. They took the papers with the information on them away. No one here acted suspicious. It must have been someone else they were worried about!"

Japan nodded in agreement and trudged next to Germany.

"This project is clearly something we have never accomplished before. The documents must have contained information on it and they must have been kidnapped because it is a very powerful tool. They must be held for more information and are being tortured as we speak!"

"Yes but how are we going to find out where they are?! We only found the why!"

"There's a good chance it's Guandunia."

Heads turned to see a dripping wet Portugal at the doorway with a phone in his hands. He jerked his head towards the hall and explained when no one made a move to follow.

"Macau called back with the results. He said that they have found DNA linked to genetics traced back to the population of that micronation. Here's the thing, this person is not a mortal human..."

"He's the personification of it."

Spain finished, looking back wide eyed at him. Everyone looked around curiously, having no idea what the hell this micro nation was. Portugal again jerked his head towards the hallway and grabbed Germany when they still did not move.

"Let's go! I'll explain on the way!"

Germany let out a grunt as his forehead banged on the frame when he was led out the room with the entire group in tow. Italy ran to his side and clung onto his arm.

"Ve~ How are we all going to get there Germany?"

"No problemo Italy. I had planned your arrival in advance!"

Spain had reverted back to his cheerful stance and tapped Portugal's wet shoulder.

"We are going to the shore. I hope you know how to drive a boat!"

Spain laughed at Portugal's glare as he knew that Portugal did not even know how to turn the engine of the boat on. It had took forever to even teach him how to drive and he still drives like crap. 

"I still beat you in Mario Kart!"

Spain gaped back at him and smacked the back of his head.

"That was one time!"

The brothers argued for the entire half way towards the shore, pissing off Germany as he separated them and dragged them both the rest of the way. They threw their hands pathetically at each other, yelling insults and embarrassing memories.

"At least I don't bathe in tomato sauce! That is just weird!"

"It's good for the skin! At least I don't forget my charge outside and leave him to spend the night in the freezing cold!"

"It was not freezing cold! And I did not forgot he was outside, I thought Brazil was in his room! He turned out fine in the end! At least I let him have some friends! You never let anyone talk to your colonies!"

"It was because I gave a damn! You were never as affectionate with them as I was with mine! I protected them and all you did was throw yours outside because you did not want to deal with them."

"I did care! I just don't treat them like my whores and I certainly don't force myself on them! Maybe you were too _affectionate_ and that's why they all left!"

"Oh crap."

Liberia whispered as she brought a hand up to her mouth. Japan awkwardly hid next to her and Germany sweated nervously at the sensitive topic. The other countries remained quiet, as if they haven't heard anything at all.

Portugal knew he hit a sore spot and shrugged his shoulder. Right now, the satisfaction of shutting his brother up overpowered his guilt. He saw his brother's face shrink into borderline depression and his brother simply hung his head as Germany continued to drag the two across the sandy beach.

Once they reached the ocean, a big ship greeted them at the shore. The countries gaped at the beauty and heard several yells coming from the deck.

"What do you mean it isn't done manually?!"

"Well exactly what I said Mr. Britain. This ship can be driven very fast and without much effort."

"Mon Dieu! What a lazy way to handle a ship! Back in my empire days-"

"Ha ha! Lower the poop deck!"

"Australia! That isn't even correct-!"

A big ramp flew out of the ship and landed to align perfectly with Germany's feet. He stared in disbelief and was brushed past by a bunch of nations who ran up the ramp to greet the others.

"Wow! You came for us?"

"And you brought this ship!"

Colombia's eyes sparkled with stars as she looked and poked around. Her twin sister and brother joined her as they tipped barrels over and threw items overboard. England opened his mouth to snap at them but then noticed the dark aura coming from the Iberian brothers.

"What's wrong with em?"

France beat him in asking as they both observed the way Portugal's eye twitched at a constant rate. England regonized the meaning behind it and gaped.

"Portugal feels... bad? Was he the one who turned Spain into a bloody sack of sadness?"

"Im not sad. Just planning Portugal's murder."

Spain muttered under his breath but it was loud enough to be heard by everyone. Portugal lost his twitching and opened his mouth before Germany ran and covered it with his hand.

"START SAILING! NOW!"

"You heard the captain! New Zealand, lower the sail!"

"Erm. There is no sail, this ship is powered by electricity, remember?"

"Oh for the love of the Queen- Just press the button!" 

"Aye aye Captain!"

"Wait I thought Germany was the captain."

"Shut up New Zealand."

Australia slammed his fist on the button and the ship immediately slammed into the shore. 

"Oops. I forgot to turn it."

The crowd of countries groaned from the pile they have formed when they were propelled from the force. At the rate they heading in, they would not make it until the next morning.

The figure glowered from his spot across the room, his arms crossed againist his chest as he waited unpatiently for the person he sent to come back. The brothers stared back at him, defeated and in pain. 

America couldn't see, Canada couldn't talk, and Mexico couldn't hear due to all of their injuries. Of course, this was temporary as they were nations and they could heal but it was still that bad. Still, America hated being silent and stared blankly at where he thought the figure was.

"What are you going to do with it?"

The figure didn't answer him which frustrated him and made him speak louder.

"What are you going to do with it?! Are you deaf or what?!"

"Do you want to be deaf like your brother?! I can arrange that."

America snapped his mouth shut but glared at air. He felt one of his brother's jab his side but he understood their meaning.

'Shut up America!'

"So what are you going to do with it?"

Mexico asked, not able to hear or see the conversation that just happened. The figure groaned and walked to the panel of buttons. Mexico and Canada flinched, preparing themselves for some sort of pain but were instead met with bright light. The figure had turned on the lights and the very pitch dark room was lit, revealing it's baby blue walls and the mess of papers pinned onto them.

The figure no longer became a figure but a man with very dark tan skin and jet black hair. He had a black beard and had a similar build to Germany. Canada and Mexico softened their eyes at his body's resemblance to Germany. They really missed annoying him. 

"I am not going to tell you." 

The man said as he walked towards them menacingly. America, not being able to see him but hearing his foot steps, widened his eyes and started to use whatever strength he had left to drag them away from him with his legs. He swore when he reached the wall, panting at the amount of work it took to bring them there.

"Aw. Where are you going? I was just going to tell you something."

The man reached them and towered over them. Canada and Mexico leaned away as far as they could while America glared far off to his right side.

"If you aren't going to tell us then back off!"

"But wouldn't you like to know who found out about it?"

America narrowed his eyes but nodded his head slowly. He had been wondering who gave up their secret ever since he recieved word that this guy was looking for the papers. Who knew that he didn't only want to steal the documents but them as well. 

"Let's just say... Someone really wants what you made. My boss told me to keep his name hidden though. Everyone doubts his power. But you do not need strength to achieve in this world. Knowledge will do! Our ideas will become reality!"

America blankly stared at air, his expression not making any signs of understanding. Canada tried to figure out who it actually was while Mexico had no idea what was going on.

"What? What's going on?!"

The man laughed at their faces, smacking Canada hard on his back which earned a wince.

"What a riot! I wonder how much the government will pay for your returns!"

He grabbed America's cheeks and pulled on them.

"Probably a lot with that nice stack of cash you have-"

"The only stack you are going to get is this stack of bullets!"

"Eh?!"

The guy turned around and was met with the end of a revolver. A group of countries stood behind the wielder, who glared at him with piercing eyes.

"Thailand! Get the handcuffs! Russia, you take these three out of this dump!"

"Yes China."

"Da. If you so much as move, we will break your legs~" :^D

Russia warned the man who shifted away from him in favor of China's pistol. China smiled smugly and started to blabber while the man was being handcuffed.

"Aru! Never mess with these Asians! We are smart, make good food, and fast! While those crazy kids ran themselves in circles..."

China pulled out South Korea's phone and shook it as if it was a piece of meat and he was in a lion's den.

"We simply used Snapchat location! So easy, America always has his location on. He likes to show off to everybody!"

Russia broke the ropes with ease and couldn't help but give a confused look at America.

"Why didn't you use your strength to break these Fredka? I know your strength is like mine."

America huffed and stood up quickly, only to fall right back down onto Canada.

"Oof! I didn't break them because they threatened to release some information we would rather not disclose. Let's just say, it is very powerful information. So shut it and don't touch me."

America glared to the wall and dusted his legs off. Russia raised an eyebrow in suspicion but shrugged and helped Canada up instead. 

"Eh.. Help me too!"

Mexico stuck his arms out like a toddler wanting to be picked up and Russia obliged. China continued his boring rant while Vietnam kept poking his shoulder.

"Erm..China."

"And we also invented gun powder!"

"China."

"Tea too!"

"China!"

"But those damn Europeans get all the credit! What bullcrap aru!"

"CHINA!"

"Eh?! What?!"

"We need to leave now! Someone we beated up is unaccounted for and they might sound the ala-"

A big siren interrupted her which earned a big grin from the guy who was kneeled on the floor.

"You better get going~! I guarantee you, this won't be the last time this gets brought up. Peace will come for all! We are just the icing of the cake! There are more of us, waiting for the time to come! You'll see!"

The guy laughed maniacally and wheezed when Taiwan landed a kick to his stomach and snatched China's wrist.

"We must go. Come on!"

"Aru! Russia! Grab them and let's go!"

"Da. No need to yell China. I got them."

Russia smiled and, with a quick motion, threw Mexico and Canada over his shoulder while he snatched America and carried him bridal style. America cursed and threw a very hard punch to his chest but did not try to get out. He didn't want to risk getting caught and stuck in this place any longer.

The group bulldozed through groups of security and finally made it outside the facility towards the shore. There, their own small boat with an engine was waiting for them. 

China stumbled inside first and was already starting the engine while the rest of the countries behind him piled onto the small boat. Bullets started to graze them before China successfully started the engine and the boat zoomed away from the shore. A bullet had hit his shoulder, Taiwan's arm, and Russia's back but other than that, they were all fine.

"Aru! What a rush!"

He breathed out a relieved smile and turned to the three countries.

"That will be 100 bucks."

"What?!"

"What? What did he say?"

Mexico looked at Canada who mouthed out the word 100 bucks. Mexico rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

"100 ducks huh? Sorry, I do not have ducks at my place.

Canada internally groaned and let his head hit the side of the boat. America rolled his eyes and patted his bomber jacket. He pulled out his wallet from his secret pocket and started to dig through it.

"In yen or-"

"Aru! It was a joke!"

China smacked his head, which actually landed pretty hard. America hissed and rubbed his head while China looked surprised.

"I thought you would duck."

"Again with the ducks?" 

Mexico picked up as he started to plan his own duck breeding program. America sighed and shook his head, staring at Thailand when really he was trying to look at China.

"I can't right now. The crazy guy blinded me, made Mexico deaf, and made Canada mute. Loved to see us so weak. Pretty sure he had a kink."

"What?! He did?! Russia, turn this ship around! We have to-aIYAAAH!"

China fell off the side when the boat was suddenly tipped over to the left. The other countries held on tightly and did not meet China's fate into the ocean as the source of their tipping slowed down to a stop. The way bigger ship did not have a single mark of damage while their own boat had it's engine busted by the crash.

A blond head of hair peered over the edge and narrowed his green eyes to see what they had hit.

"It's.... a piece of junk! Goodness, what bloody idiot threw their garbage here! Let's go!"

He slammed the boat's side and made a gesture to continue on their way. Meanwhile, China emerged from the water and yelled his hearty lungs out.

"ARu! WATCH WHERE YOU STEER! YOU SAIL LIKE A CRAZY PERSON! DO YOU NOT HAVE ANY EYES YOU IDIOT?!"

England's head popped over the edge faster than anyone could blink. His face was red and he yelled back with equal energy.

"WELL YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DIDN'T NOTICE A BIG ARSE SHIP! WHAT ARE YOU SAILING ANYWAYS, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU FOUND IT AT THE DUMP!"

"Ve~ Mr. England, What are you yelling at?"

Italy's head popped over the edge next to his and he suddenly jumped up and down and waved his arms in excitement.

"GERMANY! GERMANY! WE FOUND THEM! IT'S THE AMERICANS! WE CAN HAVE MORE PASTA NOW, RIGHT?"

Many countries immediately peeked their heads over and cheered when they did see the three seated on Russia's lap in the cramped boat. Seychelles and Nigeria threw a ladder down for the group to climb and the asians were politely offered to climb first. 

Soon, Russia and the brothers were the final people to arrive on the boat, Russia not letting go of any of them despite America's protests and hits. China also threw hits and yells with England about totaling his boat but it was quickly finished when England blushed and crossed his arms across his chest.

"Oh alright! I will pay for a replacement. Consider it... a thanks for... bringing him back..."

England muttered that last part and walked away to see the American. China smiled smugly and fangirled with Taiwan at the side. France dragged Spain from his gloomy corner and the three approached their former charges with false annoyance.

"How on earth did you get kidnapped?!"

"Yes Canada, I raised you smarter than that!"

"You bloody fat idiot! You can't just lead us on a wild goose chase and leave 0 information! I should throw you off this ship!"

The three fumed angrily while everyone gave them knowing looks. Romano jabbed at Argentina and raised his hand up in the air.

"3...2...1.."

"Oh Manuel! I missed you so much! I will never leave you out of my sight again!"

"My petit Matthieu! My poor baby, you had me worried sick! Come ere!"

"Never go missing again! Such an idiot! Give me names! Now!"

America rolled his eyes but smiled nonetheless.

"The hero never goes missing! I was just... passing the time! Haha!"

England narrowed his eyes and snapped his fingers in front of him.

"Hello?! America, Im over here!"

America looked at France apologetically.

"Sorry. What was I saying?! Oh yeah! The hero could have totally handled the situation!"

The three countries looked at each other before Spain looked at Mexico's confused expression.

"Manny? Porque no digas nada?"

Mexico blinked before he narrowed his eyes and tried to analyze his lip movements.

"P-pork? Nadar? Pigs don't swim you idiot."

"Canada? Baby, why don't you say anything?"

Canada frowned and pointed at his bruised throat. France shrieked and moved to touched it gently. 

"We were too late! My baby is hurt!"

France wrapped himself around Canada and wailed annoyingly. Canada winced but patted his back in sympathy. America rolled his eyes and spoke to a barrel nearby.

"Relax Dude. We are going to heal eventually. I say about.. a few days. Point is Im blind, Mexico's deaf, and Canada can't talk. Keep that in mind on our way back."

"What?! You can't hear me Mexico?!"

Spain unsurprisingly met no response as the latter was busy staring at El Salvador and Guatemala trying to converse with him. Mexico bored a confused expression but the two Central Americans continued to yell at his face and make crazy hand gestures.

"Mexico! I missed you so much!"

The Philippines impatiently ran past the crowd and gave him a big hug. Mexico screamed and fell onto his booty in shock.

"Don't scare me like that Phili!"

"Sorry. I just missed you so much!"

"America!"

America crashed into a barrel when he heard England call his name and he looked apologitically to it's broken pieces

"Sorry England."

"Over here you twit!"

England grabbed his arm and spun him around. America stiffened uncomfortably when he felt arms wrap around him and he gaped at the action.

"England... Are you... hugging me?"

"Well yes you fat oaf! What else would I be doing?! A-And this doesn't mean anything!"

"My boys!"

America was snatched from his arms and the same went for the other two as the three were brought into a very close hug by Portugal. Canada and Mexico brightened up while America blinked in confusion.

"Who is this?"

"João you silly cow!"

"Ohh! João! You came with them?"

"Of course!"

"Wow! That's really awesome! You're so cool!"

"Well Portugal is not 'awesome' nor is he 'cool'."

France sniffed, pulling the Mexican away as he was still trying to process the conversation. 

"Yeah! Portugal is lame. My empire was way bigger."

England said smugly, pulling Canada to his side. He stuck his tongue out and threw an arm over the Canadian.

"And he smells like boogers! Nasty bastard!"

Spain barked as he pulled and held onto America very tightly. Everyone stared confusingly at his insult.

"Um Spain? How do boogers smell like?"

Puerto Rico asked curiously as he smacked Panama's hand away from her nose. Spain stared blankly before he shrugged uselessly.

"Like Portugal I guess. He does have snot for brains."

"Why you-!"

"You smell like tomatoes dude."

America laughed at where he thought his face was and leaned against him. Spain blushed but let him lean against him.

"You smell like grease!"

"What?! No I don't! Well anyways, you-! Uhhh...Oh! You look like Portugal but...less hot! So there!"

"OH CRAP!"

Brazil yelled out, laughing his lungs out. Argentina smacked her leg and howled along with him as other countries soon followed. Before Spain could open his mouth again, a German forced a hand over his mouth.

"That is enough brother drama for today! Now is the time to treat their injuries! Move out of the way!"

Germany shoved Kenya even though she wasn't even in his way as he marched fowards with a first aid kit. Mexico grinned and propelled himself from France's hold.

"Papiiiii! You came! Ay dios mio! You do care! I knew the Zimmerman Telegram wasn't just business!"

"I-!"

"Dad! Ahahaha!"

America jumped past Germany and landed on top of Kenya.

"You care~! You really do! And you lost weight!"

Germany quickly pulled him off of Kenya's unconcious body and shook his head.

"NEIN! NOW SIT DOWN, THE THREE OF YOU!"

He forced both of them to sit and motioned for Canada to come and do the same. There, he treated America's black eyes, both of Mexico's injuries to his ears, and Canada's bruised throat. The 3 remained silent until Guam came up to ask something.

"Mr. America!"

"Yes Guam?"

"What is the TTT assignment?"

Canada and America tensed up very quickly at his words which earned the attention of everyone.

"Yes. I would like to know to! What is this bloody TTT assignment and why are you keeping it a secret?!"

Russia and China immediately raised their heads up from their game of cards and narrowed their eyes.

"TTT assignment? What's that?"

"A secret? Is this why you didn't escape those ropes in the 1st place? You will have to tell. Now."

America wiped sweat from his forehead and shook his head slowly.

"I... I can not disclose what it is."

"What? What's going on?"

Mexico turned his head when Germany stopped tending his swollen ears and noticed the crowd's stares. America gave him a look and he seemed to understand, his eyes widening as he shook his head.

"Oh. That is classified. Do not ask again."

Canada nodded in agreement and made a dismissal hand motion. Still, the others did not let up as Russia stood from his place and began to walk towards them.

"I am not asking for an answer. I am getting one. What is the TTT?"

His smile grew bigger when he stopped in front of them and America glared at his waist.

"I don't care if you want an answer. We aren't going to spill it so fuck off commie."

"We save your butts and you won't tell?!"

Nicaragua yelled in disbelief from the side. Venezuela placed a hand on her shoulder but used the other to point an accusing finger at the 3.

"It must be a weapon or a threat to national security! It has to be if you won't tell! What is it?!"

Agreements rose around the other countries which made America bite his lip. 

"Oh fine! TTT is... erm. Total... Twenty... Tie. Yeah! Total Twenty Tie! We are hiding the fact that the three of us tied... twenty strings together and... we managed to untie them without using our hands! We didn't want to make you all scared with our awesome skills! So.... yeah! Nothing to worry about. Hahaha!"

Everyone stared stupidly at his very obvious lie before they were all suddenly propelled to the side. Some countries fell into the ocean while others were lucky to have landed very hard into the steel railings. 

"Oops! Sorry! I tried to turn!"

Australia called out as he avoided being drowned by New Zealand. Argentina screamed as Seychelles hung onto her hair and released the railing, sending both of them plummeting towards the ocean. 

"Im never leaving you with any of my ships again!"

Hong Kong yelled out as he tried to get his wet hair away from his face. He shivered when a cold breeze hit him hard and looked up. Russia's purple face glared harshly at the blind American, who was holding onto his scarf. Canada and Mexico both held onto America's legs from below.

"Shiver me timbers!"

Bolivia giggled as she threw a ladder back down to the drowing countries. She held her bruised head but regardless kept an amused smile on her face.

"That is not corre-!"

"Land locked countries don't touch water! Now hop on! I got a show on at 5 pm and Im not missing it!"

"Oh brother. Another couple of hours stuck with you guys."

America breathed a sigh of relief when the others did not press on for more information. He knew it would have to come out one day. But if word got around, the wrong person might want to use it for the wrong reasons. Which was what almost happened right now.

In the end, the Americans have learned to cover their tracks more carefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, the secret will come out soon...  
> I really have no consistent theme with all these chapters lmao.


	8. Too Cool for School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go to school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im a slow ass poster. ;(

"WOOO!"

America skateboarded in the hallways and knocked over multiple students. Canada nervously followed and apologized to the knocked over kids and helped them up. 

"So sorry about him! Here let me help!"

He dusted them off and left quickly to stop his brother.

"Am- Afred! Stop riding this instance! You are hurting people!"

"No way bro! These hallways are way awesome to skate in! So smooth and shiny!"

He continued to do back flips and 180 degree turns before a fat textbook was thrown at his face. He screamed and fell backwards, his skateboard flying and breaking one of the roof's lights.

"Quit being stupid you fatass! Our class starts in 2 minutes! Do you have your stuff?!"

Mexico stood over him with his hands over his hips. America held his face painfully and whined loudly.

"Manuellllllllll!!!! That hurteeeddd!"

"Good! Next time listen to me and stop when I tell you to."

Canada bitched but helped him stand up. He did not dust him off nor did he say sorry though as his punishment. 

"Hmph! You are just mad I looked so cool!"

"Do you have your stuff or not?!"

Mexico asked again, reaching into his pocket in a threatening way. America nodded quickly and pulled out a busted brown sack.

"Yep! Here it is! We only need one notebook, right?!"

"Whatever. Good enough. Let's go."

Manuel stalked away and the other two followed behind him. Multiple students stared at them and whispered amongst themselves while the kids who have been injured by the American were being hauled towards the nurse's office.

"Other then America nearly killing some of their friends, why are they staring at us?"

Canada whispered, prompting America to look confused.

"They are? Here let me ask."

"Wait Am-Al-!"

"HEY! WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!"

Everyone present for his outburst quickly looked away and sped down the hallway towards their classes. Canada facepalmed and shook his head.

"There goes our chance to make friends!"

"Oh quit being a baby bro! They were probably just late to their classes like we are right now!"

"Wait! We're late?!"

Mexico turned to look around and indeed, it was empty. He groaned and kicked imaginary dirt. He then grabbed both of them by the wrists and ran down the hallway to find their class.

"Why didn't you tell us?!"

"I thought you all knew! The bell rung when Canada cried about not having friends!"

Canada sent him a dirty look but continued to look around until they finally reached their classroom door at the end of the hall. He smiled at himself for finding it so quickly and tried the doorknob before dropping it when it wouldn't budge.

"It's locked!"

Canada groaned as he slid down onto his knees and sat in front of the door. Their first day and they were already late and locked out. America shook his head, cracked his knuckles, and stepped around him to test it.

"No it's not. See?"

America twisted the doorknob and it gave way with a snap. He smiled smugly at his brother's blank look and threw the door wide open.

"OOF! EXCUSE ME!!"

"Gosh! What animal made that hideous sound?!"

America said obliviously, earning the laughter of the entire class. He looked around and shrugged his shoulders.

"No teacher either? Man, what an unorganized system!"

"SO MUCH DISRESPECT! WHY I NEVER!"

"Oh! Am-Alfred! You are pressing the door against her!"

"Oops."

America released the door and smiled stupidly in apology.

"Sorry Miss...."

"Cockner."

"Of course.. Miss Cockn- pssh- Miss Cock- BUAHAHAHA!"

"OH THAT'S ENOUGH! GO TO YOUR SEATS OR IM GOING TO CALL YOUR PARENTS!"

"Sorry Señora. My brother's an idiot."

"No Im sorry that you two are even related to him! Now, sit next to Jimmy!"

The three trudged over and sat in the three empty seats next to the very short kid. The ginger looked at them and raised an eyebrow but shrugged and returned back to doodling in his notebook. This prompted the other 3 take out their notebooks as well and look at the board full of notes.

"Now as I was saying before being rudely interrupted! In order to find angle C in this triangle, you will first need to identify what sides to label the Hypotenuse, the Opposite, and the Adjacent. Now, the Adjacent is-"

"Oh my god this is so boring!"

America whined and leaned dramatically over his desk. Canada glared but huffed and nodded slowly.

"I guess it really is boring."

"Yes, why did we agree to this?!"

Mexico hissed, breaking his pencil in two. America picked his head up and sighed.

"Well when I told England that his education system was just as crap as my own, he threw a bookbag at me and told me to go to school. I didn't want to go alone so I told him you two agreed with me. And poof! We are all here in some British middle school! Or whatever British kids have during the age of 13."

"That question was rhetorical! You owe us a favor!"

"Yeah! And why did you pick a middle school and not a high school?"

"I-" 

"Alfred, since you like distrupting the class so much-"

"I wasn't talki-!"

"Can you tell me how to solve for angle C?!"

"You...uhh.."

"divide opposite over adjacent!" 

Little Jimmy whispered to him. America looked at him briefly before he looked back at the old hag of a teacher and tried to remember what they were talking about.

"Uhh... Cause and Effect."

"Excuse me?!"

"I mean! Divide..Adjacent over Hypotenuse."

"Mm. I suppose you have a brain in there some where."

"Wow! I almost gave you the wrong answer, how did you know?"

Jimmy the Ginger asked curiously, earning a grin from the blond.

"You have been doodling ever since we walked in. I don't think you were ever paying attention up until now! Of course your answer is wrong!"

"Hmph! Im not that stupid. And aren't you three too bloody old to be in year 7?!"

"Hey! Don't call me old! At least my name doesn't sound like... Lamey! Aha!"

The entire class erupted in a group of laughter and Jimmy turned bright red. America banged his desk and ignored the other's tears as he continued to laugh his ass off. Canada and Mexico bit their tongues at his contagious laughter and lame comeback but quickly grew pale at the teacher's murderous look. 

Jimmy finally released his tears and ran out the room, his stuff abandoned at his desk. The class finally settled down when the teacher made her way in front of the still laughing American and slammed her ruler down very hard onto his desk.

"You will apologize. NOW!"

"Aha... What? Why? Who-? Where am I?"

"You made that kid cry Alfred!"

"Yeah! You fucking idiot! Go before the bell r-"

The sound of the bell interrupted him as the rumble of students ran outside the classroom. Ms. Cockner blinked and looked at her watch. Before she could open her mouth, she was nearly knocked over by America bolting past her with his two brothers in tow.

"YOUNG MAN COME BA-!"

"Don't worry Miss! I'll apologize after this class! Got to go, good luck!"

Ms. Cockner growled and stomped to the phone on her desk to call the principal. She banged in the numbers and turned around with her hand on her hip. 

A big pile of papers that took up half the room filled her view and she stared in shock at the big unstable mess it was. Every single paper held an entire years worth of work on them with the additional words "Make Up Work" titled on all of them.

"What the bloody-"

She managed to let out before all of the papers fell on top of her.

"Alfred! Was all of those papers really necessary?"

Canada hissed as they walked in on time to their next class. America looked at him as if he had just said the most stupidest thing in the world.

"Of course it was! We are never coming back here so I had the FBI called in advance to make me as many copies of all of our classes' future lessons as they can and have them delivered here! We are definitely passing for sure!"

America took a seat at the back and motioned his brothers next to him. 

"It was a good thing she didn't see the agents that swarmed the room with papers when she checked her watch! Now sit down! I don't like the front, they will always pick on the new kids!"

The three failed to notice a trio of girls who sent them dirty looks from afar. They whispered amongst themselves from their late entrance into the classroom and made their way over to them.

"EXCUSE ME!"

The leader, a girl who wore a heavy face of make up and wore her shiny long blond hair in a ponytail, poked the Mexican in the shoulder hard with her big pointy nail.

"OW!"

"THESE WERE OUR SEATS! FUCK OFF OR IM GETTING MR. GROSSMAN OVER HERE!"

"BUAHAHA! GROSSMAN! AHA! YOU BRITS HAVE FUNNY ASS NAMES!"

"Oh these three are new Jenny!"

The brunette next to her commented as she looked at them up and down. Jenny looked at them through her long fake eyelashes before she rolled her eyes and smacked America.

"OW!"

"OH SHUT IT! I will give you one warning... but only because you are new! You see that man over there?!"

The three newbies turned their heads to the very gloomy man at the front. He wore a permanent frown and his dark black messy hair reached the bottom of his neck.

"Hey! He looks like that professor from Harry Potter! What's his name... Snape! That one!"

"SHH!"

The last girl placed her hand over his mouth. Canada quickly smacked her hand away and glared at her.

"You girls have to stop touching my brothers. Give us some space and explain!"

Mexico and America stared at him in shock over his brief moment of assertion. Canada blinked and then blushed as he looked down at his desk.

"I mean... if you want to... You don't have to... I mean... Sorry."

"Anyways, what about him?"

"He is very strict! One peep about his resemblance to Severus Snape or any sign of misbehavior and he will personally disipline you himself! With a paddle!"

"QUE?! THAT'S LEGAL?!"

"Um.. Yes? Are you new to the UK?!"

"Uh... no?"

"Good. Would have ratted you out to the teacher if you were. He does not like foreigners at all! Now get the bloody hell off our seats!"

The three got up and scrambled away from the crazy girls. They sat down in the remaining empty seats in the front and stared in horror when the teacher kept his stare at them.

"Fuck, the cabron is looking at us. What did we do?"

Mexico whispered as he slowly took out his notebook. Canada sweated and pulled his uniform vest up to his chin.

"Those girls did say he hated foreigners... Do we look foreign?"

"Why I reckon, we ain't even sound foreign-"

"Am-Alfred! Stop messing around."

America held in a snicker and shoved Mexico's shoulder lightly.

"Oh relax Manuel. Why are you so tense today?"

"I-"

"It seems we have new students."

A bored monetone voice interrupted them as Mr. Grossman rose from his chair. America let out a yelp and shrunk away from the Mexican, pretending not to have known him his whole life. Every head turned to look at them which made Canada blushed furiously at attention. Mr Grossman continued to observe them with his dead cold eyes before he finally blinked and walked slowly towards them.

Mexico widened his eyes when the teacher stopped right next to him, his shoulder making contact with the man's leg. He stood very tall, maybe even as tall as Russia. 

"Erm. Mr... Im kind of... allergic to people standing too close to me. Can you step back maybe... a couple of feet until you reach your desk?"

"Are you trying to be funny?"

"Oh! No sir! I just don't.. like how close you are!"

"I see. Well that is something a _foreigner_ would say. Are you a foreigner Mr..."

"Just call me Manuel. My last name is.. too long."

"Another trait a typical foreigner would have. Let me hear your last name."

"Bu-"

"Do I need the paddle?!"

Mr Grossman hissed and bent down to his level. America glared at him from the side and pulled his brother's seat away from him.

"Lay off my bro! His name is Manuel. Now stop wasting everyone's time and teach already!"

Canada laughed quietly in his vest over the teacher's astonishment at being talked back to. He struggled for it not to erupt into full blown laughter, trying to smother his mouth from making any noise. Others looked on with awe at the way the blond had spoken back to the teacher. 

"Did you just talk back to me?!"

"Well yeah dude. That's how conversations work."

"Such disrespect I-"

"It's not disrespect bro. It's common sense. But of course, it's only disrespect when we kids do it right?"

"You gormless brat! You must either have balls of steel or a brain of pure air. I will paddle you after this unresponsive boy. Come!"

"Gormless? What the hell does that mea-Hey let go of him!"

Mr. Grossman grabbed Mexico by the arm and pulled him out of his seat. Canada stopped his fit of laughter and launched himself onto his brother's legs, holding on tightly.

"No! Let go of him!"

"You too?! It seems like this whole class will have a long show to watch."

"Ay! Pendejo! Suelta me! Voy a dicer mi papa y el te va a chingar!" (Ay! Stupid! Let go of me! Im going to tell my dad and he is going to fuck you up!)

"Too late to tell me your last name boy! Though, I would be embarrassed too if I had that last name. Now bend over my knee!"

"AHh! No! Call Ludwig America! Call the Fire Department! Call the President! The President's Parents too!"

"ON IT!"

"What in the- America?! Who are you calling America?! Ugh, stop confusing me and bend over you tosser!"

"Im telling the principal!"

Canada gave up on saving Mexico and ran out to tell. Many students took out their phones to record as the teacher forced the Mexican over his knee and reeled his hand up to strike.

"Yes Dad! Yes! He's spanking him! What do I- Yes! Matt went to tell an adult! Yes! Thanks Dad!"

"AH! LET GO! StOP!"

The screams of his brother sounded from the background as America winced and hung up on Germany. Multiple smacks rained down on Mexico's rump, prompting him to reduce his yells to whimpers as his area became numb. America debated whether to intervene or not but he knew if he tried, he would reveal his amazing strength and get too much attention, especially in front of the recording kids.

Canada never came back so America assumed he must have gotten lost in the halls. The teacher finally finished his session with Mexico and released him, waving at America from his spot.

"Next!"

"Oh hell no!"

America bolted out of the room before Mr. Grossman could say anything else. He ran as fast as he can and made turn after turn, hearing the man's yells echo down the hallways. He started to sweat and heard the running footsteps grow louder behind him. 

"Crap! Crap!"

He ducked behind a pillar and started to regain his breath from there. He understood how Canada had gotten lost in these halls, he couldn't even nagivate them himself. He wiped his forehead and quickly stopped breathing when he heard running footsteps nearby.

"You pissed off Mr. Grossman, didn't you?"

A voice sounded from his left and he looked to see a familiar face.

"Jimmy?"

"Don't you mean Lamey?"

The ginger hissed, his tear streaked face still obvious. He crossed his arms and glared at him from another pillar he was leaning on. America winced at the memory and shook his head.

"Bro, Im sorry. That was so uncool and I shouldn't have called you that."

"Calling Mr. Grossman here would be so uncool too, wouldn't it?"

Jimmy smiled which made America gape and shake his head quickly.

"No, no no no no! Please Jimmy! Im so sorry! I hate making people cry! I was just being a dick! You were just trying to help! Please, I'll do anything!"

"...Anything?"

"Well-"

"YOUNG MAN! YOUR DISIPLINE IS GOING TO BE TWICE AS LONG WHEN I FIND YOU!"

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Anything!"

Jimmy grinned and his brooding mood disappeared completely. He turned on his heel and walked a bit down into the hallway. America watched in horror as Mr. Grossman noticed him and grabbed him by the sleeve.

"Have you seen a blond?! He looks a tad bit too old to be in year 7 and he had a weird out of place hair above his fringe!"

"Oh yes Mr. Grossman. Glasses too?"

"Yes! That's him! Speak now boy!"

America gaped at the betrayal and looked away to find another exit. He was cornered and he couldn't leave without both of them seeing him. He was tired too and he knew he wouldn't make it far in running.

"I saw him run outside sir. Must have thought it was time to go!"

America blinked and saw Jimmy give a sly thumbs up. He beamed in response and nodded his head in appreciation.

"I see. Well since his brother is a foreigner, he must be one too! He should have a hard time nagivating London by himself! I'll find him in 5 minutes, just watch!"

The two students watched as Mr. Grossman turned his back and disappeared back down the hallway. Once the click of his footsteps were gone, America laughed and ran to embrace Jimmy.

"You are definitely not Lamey! That was so smart too! Leading him outside! You are... Cooley! Aha!"

"Yeah yeah, stop wrinkling my trousers!"

Jimmy bitched as he pushed the blond off of him. He brushed his clothes off and gave him a big smile. America returned it but dropped it when the sound of the bell alerted him to his next class.

"Well, I hope I can catch you later Cooley!

He dashed off into the crowd of kids before the other could even open his mouth. Jimmy huffed and cupped his hands over his mouth.

"What about my bloody favor?!"

"Later! I promise!"

Was the reply he got. It was still very loud even though the American has turned the corner when he yelled it out. Jimmy sighed and turned on his heel to his next class. Skipping wasn't good on his record after all.

"Alfred! Over here!"

America perked up at his brother's voice and made his way to the seat next to him. Canada smiled weakly at him and held up his busted brown sack.

"You forgot this."

"Thanks Mattie!"

"No problem. I..."

Canada rubbed the back of his head and looked embarassed. He took out his notebook and pencil while avoiding the silent question America was waiting for him to answer.

"Matt..."

"Oh would you look at that, this class is history! How fu-"

"Matt!"

"Oh alright! I did not go tell the principal! I got lost in the first few seconds of running and I just gave up and called England!"

"YOU CALLED IGGY? THE TEACHER IS GOING TO TELL HIM ABOUT HOW I OFFENDED HIM WITH COMMON SENSE!"

"He isn't mad at you Alfred!"

"What? What do you mean?!"

"Well..."

_Earlier..._

_"SPANKED?! WHAT IN THE- ON YOUR BROTHER?!"_

_"Eh..."_

_"WHY WOULD HE- HE SHOULD BE BLOODY FIRED."_

_"This girl said it was legal-"_

_"LEGAL?! IT IS NOT LEGAL! HOW DARE HE EVEN-"_

_Canada gulped at the deep breath from the other side of the line and waited anxiously for the other to finish cooling down. He did not know where he was but he would just wait for the bell to ring so that he can ask other students for directions._

_"....Hang up now. I will be there shortly. I am going to have to call Spain though since he will kill me if I didn't tell him about this."_

_"Oh okay. Bye."_

_The bell rung over the sound of the phone being hung up.  
_

"Wait, spanking is illegal her-?"

"Now class! Today in History, we are going to watch a video on the Blitz during World War 2."

"Felt like that was just yesterday, you know."

A voice cut in as every head turned to it's source. Britain entered the room with his arms crossed, his green uniform making him stand out. The teacher blinked and tilted her head.

"Do you need something?"

"I just need to ask a question Madam. Do you mind if.."

He flashed her a charming smile and made her swoon. She nodded and felt a familiar sense of comfort and nostalgia around him.

"No problem, go right ahead!"

Britain turned his bored gaze at the twins who looked back fearfully.

"First off, I would like to know where Mr. Grossman is. Do any one of you know?"

"He went outside sir!"

A boy piped up, his eyes filled with stars. Britain nodded and hesitated before he added on.

"Children, the Blitz.. was a very hard time for my... erm...grandfather. He told me stories of how frightening it was. To be attacked unknowingly... to see the horrors mankind can unleash. The blood, the bodies, and all of the tears.. 32,000 were lost... So I hope you walk out of this lesson a little bit more wiser and respectful. It's the least we can all do for those who never had a peaceful life. Thank you for your time."

He turned on his heel and left quickly, leaving the atmosphere of the classroom very quiet. Everyone felt the need to comfort their country but stayed in their seats anyways. America and Canada looked at each other before they raised their hands.

"Excuse me!"

"Erm.. yes boys?"

"Can we go to the nurse?"

"Yes, sure. Go right ahead."

The twins made a rush to pack up their things and run out the room. They looked left and right before deciding on left. They ran down the halls as quietly as they can and managed to see England in their view.

"E-!"

"There you are!"

America yelped at he was pulled back by the collar harshly. Mr. Grossman grinned at his horror stricken face and used his other hand to grab the Canadian.

"You two are in so much trouble! Come!"

He pulled them to the right side of the hallway and frowned when the two struggled greatly.

"No! Let go of me you crazy old man!"

America managed to fall out of his uniform blazer and land on his knees. Mr. Grossman knew he was outnumbered and growled, letting go of Canada. Canada whined at being dropped carelessly and rubbed his arm.

"I have your brother locked up in my room, either come with me or he stays there after school!"

"Eh! No way! You let him go!"

Canada stood up and softly demanded. Mr. Grossman laughed and flicked his nose causing him to jerk back and whine about the pain.

"I see. You guys are Canadian! Let me say it how you two understand it by. Ahem.  
EH, YOO POSERS COOM TO MY ROOM AND SAY SORRY OR ELSE THE HOCKEY AND SYRUP IS CANCELLED FOR YOUR BROTHER."

"Eh?! I do not talk like that!"

"Uh huh. Come along then."

Mr. Grossman started to walk away and the other two stayed behind. They really did not want him to win. But they also felt really bad for Mexico and if getting spanked would make his life easier, then who are they to say no? They grumbled and bitched but nonetheless began to slowly follow.

"Señor! Can I be untied now?"

"Until I finished disiplining your equally as rebellious brothers!"

Mr. Grossman yelled even though Mexico was only 3 feet away from them. The Mexican rolled his eyes and continued to sit on his knees with his wrist tied to a desk. The twins entered after the man, looking very embaressed at what was about to happen to them. Mexico frowned and turned his head away.

"You guys are dicks! You left me alone!"

"Im sorry dude! I wanted to help, honest!"

"Im so sorry too! I got lost in the halls!"

Mexico huffed and continued to look away. He was angry but he was not a jerk. He would spare them the lack of audience they have. America was up first, not moving from his spot near the door way as Mr. Grossman pulled out a chair and sat down.

"Well? Come here lad."

"Erm.. How long do I have to.."

"I told you double-"

"What?! That's not cool at all!"

"Well Im not cool. Come over now! I don't have all day!"

"No wonder why your name is GROSSMAN!"

America yelled and marched over with a scowl. Canada also turned away and blushed when he saw his brother being bent over in the corner of his eye.

"Don't get snappy with me you little-"

"WHAT IN THE QUEEN'S NAME ARE YOU DOING?!"

England stood tall with his hands being balled into fists at his sides. Canada smiled evily at Mr. Grossman before he turned to England with teary eyes.

"Oh Mr. Kirkland! He spanked Manuel very hard and tied him up so we had to do this in order to let him go! He was going to beat Alfred too just now! Oh Im so scared!"

Canada faked weeped and put his hands up to cover his face. Mr. Grossman paled and lowered his raised hand. He had been caught in the act and he knew he was going to be in big trouble.

"I-"

"You. Tried. To. Spank. _Him?!_ "

The Britishman hissed, his eyebrows furrowing wildly. America pushed himself off the man's lap and ran to Canada's side. He knew that look and murder was about to be committed. 

"He told us it was legal to spank someone!"

America added, adding more oil to the fire. 

"Legal?! It is not legal at all! IM CALLING THE COPS SO SIT THE HELL DOWN BEFORE I BEAT YOUR SORRY ABUSIVE ARSE!"

He pulled out his very old phone and dialed the number. Mr. Grossman knew it was over for him and did something unexpected.

He walked over to his desk and opened the drawer, pulling out a pistol.

"Put the phone down or I'll blow his stomach out!"

He pointed it at Mexico and nervously shifted left and right. Canada and America gaped at the sudden scene and stepped forward with desperate looks.

"Mr... Please! That's not necessary!"

"Ye-yeah man! We won't... call! Let's just ease off the weapon..."

"Put the phone down!"

He yelled again, jamming the pistol so that it made contact to Mexico'a forehead. Mexico remained calm, even going as far as letting out a big fat yawn. England narrowed his eyes in response but continued to hold the phone to his ear.

"Yes, I would like to request some officers over here."

"England what are you doing?!"

Canada whispered, seeing Mr. Grossman pale at the words. Mexico rolled his eyes and adjusted himself a bit to relieve the pressure that was building up in his knees.

"I WILL SHOOT!"

"Yes, there seems to be a looney wielding a pistol. Hmm. No. He is holding it to one of my boys' head."

"Say BYE TO YOUR BROTHER!"

"NO!"

The twins yelled before a shot sounded through out the entire classroom. Blood splattered the floor as the body collapsed to the floor. Canada and America gaped, England still continuing his conversation on the phone.

"Yes. You got them Germany, good job!"

He hung up his phone and smiled. Mexico struggled to see with the blood in his eyes and blinked quickly to try to get rid of it. Mr Grossman groaned and laid on the floor cradling his arm. 

"Germany?"

The four apart from Britain questioned at the same time, looking in confusion at the shattered window. Screams of horror interrupted them though as the halls of the school had carried the sound of the gunshot into the ears of the hundreds of students and staff in their rooms. America cursed and kicked the pistol away from Mr. Grossman's reach, feeling the rampage of kids run outside their rooms in a state of panic. 

"I"ll be right back!"

He yelled and ran out the room before anyone said something. He pushed past the crowd of fleeing kids and looked around for the ginger kid who had saved him. He heard the familiar cries and basically swam across the crowd to the source. There he found little Jimmy, who was curled into a ball being stepped on by the very scared students. 

"Make some room! STEP ASIDE AND GO QUICKLY IN AN ORDERLY FASHION!"

He yelled and jumped on top of the fallen boy. Some students kept crashing into him but eventually the crowd rearranged itself to avoid to two on the ground. Jimmy sniffed and looked up into blue concerned eyes, squinting and wiping his tears away.

"Yo-You?"

"Yes dude! Are you okay?"

"M-My arm is a bit bruised but I th-think Im fine. Thank you- um..."

"Call me Alfred dude! I came back because I still needed to do the favor I owe you before I go!"

"G-Go?"

"Sorry bro, Im going back to America. This was just a one day thing."

"Oh..."

Jimmy looked very sad and threw his weak arms around the other.

"That's a real shame... You were the coolest dude I ever met! You saved me!"

"Well hell yeah Im cool! Now, what do you need Jimster? Anything you want, I owe you man!"

Jimmy let go of the blond and sat himself up. The crowd of students have gone and they were left alone in an empty hallway. He looked at the ground very thoughtful before he looked sad again and looked back up.

"Well, I was going to make you be my bodyguard seeing as how you sent a lot of my classmates to the nurse's office but since you are leaving... I want you to help me find my sister. I really have nothing else to ask for other than that."

"Of course! Sir Alfred at your service, let's go!"

He picked up the scrawny boy and held his hand as they walked down the hallway. Alfred nervously smiled before he looked back at the ginger. 

"Um-"

"Don't worry, I'll lead us to the exit."

"Phew! Thanks bro!"

They started to jog until they reached a side door, ignoring the alarm and running into the rain that soaked the entire school's population that remained gathered in the streets. Both of them looked left and right before America looked down at Jimmy.

"Erm. How does she look like?"

"Just yell the name Jennifer! It's her real name that only me and my parents call her by. I do not have good lungs to yell."

"Alright! Ahem. JEEEEEENNIFFERRR! GIRL WHERE ARE YOU?!"

"EXCUSE ME! ONLY MY BROTHER CAN CALL ME THAT, WHO ON EARTH ELSE IS USING MY REAL NAME?!"

'Crap, that's his sister?!'

America thought as a familiar blond pushed her way to the front, her heels stepping on many unfortunate students' feet who were in her way. Jimmy shook next to him, tears gathering in his eyes as he let go of his hand and ran towards Jenny with his arms open.

"Jennifer!"

She embraced him and rubbed his back carefully so that she did not scratch him with her long nails. She glared at the crowd of students who stared at them, prompting the onlookers to cower and look away. She then looked back at her brother and noticed his bruises.

"Jimmy, what on earth happened to your arms?!"

She growled out before looking striaght at America. 

"YOU! YOU DID THIS DIDN'T YOU?!"

"No Jennifer! He didn't, he saved me! I was being trampled and he threw himself on top of me and saved me!"

Jenny lost her glare immediately and looked back at Jimmy before she sighed and petted his hair. She sucked her teeth before she looked back up boredly.

"Are you hurt?"

"Just a bruised back, thats all-"

"Money will be in the mail. Free healthcare here in the UK but not in America. And yes, news spreads around fast. Ms. Cockner is in recovery because of the papers you left so you are suspended. If you ever come to visit though, you are welcome to stop by our mansion. Come on Jimmy. The limo driver is waiting."

She left no room for argument and left with her brother still in her arms. Students parted quickly to make way for her and she walked with her nose up. Jimmy gave a little wave and mouthed a thank you from her shoulder, which America returned cheerfully. 

'Maybe UK schools don't stink after all.'

He thought as he turned back around and entered the school again. He jogged down the hall and found the open classroom door, more blood stains staining the room. He winced at the gruesome scene and looked away to make eye contact with his pale twin brother.

"Wasn't it just his arm that was shot?"

"Eh... I couldn't stop Dad, England, and Spain from... making him deceased."

America frowned and looked away to see a frowning Germany, England, and Spain all leaning againist the desk. 

"Was that necessary?"

"Very."

"Of bloody course it was."

"Si."

They answered at the same time making him chuckle.

"Aw! You love us~"

He ran and gave England a bear hug, suprisingly meeting no resistance. He then jumped on Germany and unsuprisingly met a lot of resistance.

"Don't TOUCH me!"

"Eh.. Can I be untied now? My knees are starting to hurt as much as my ass does."

Mexico bitched from the side, his whole torso covered in blood that wasn't his own. Spain smiled and walked to the desk he was tied to, bending down onto his knees.

"Of course mi pequeño. Does it still hurt? Do you want me to rub it so the pain goes away?"

"Eh! I... Im good. Don't feel a thing. Jajaja.."

He nervously laughed and got up when his wrists were set free. He sweated at the blood covered axe that Spain carried on his back and backed away slowly from the smiling country.

"Very good. So good, I think Im going to stand over.. there! So.. yeah!"

He jumped over what used to be Mr. Grossman and ran to hide behind Germany and America. Spain noticed his nervousness but remained silent, smiling wider as he looked down at the act the three of them have done.

"What a work of art."

"What a sicko. I really enjoyed my share of it."

England spat, his arms crossed against his chest. His gloves were not black anymore and the same went for Germany's gloves. After America had left the room, Mr Grossman choose an awful set of words to describe Germany's "foreign brats" and had ultimately sealed his fate once Germany landed the first strike. 

Spain later joined in when he arrived in the middle of the two blonds beating the shit out of the unconscious man. He had seen the videos posted by the students of the Mexican being spanked and he was just as furious as England was when watching it. Nothing a little dismemberment couldn't fix though. England had also done some digging and found multiple illegal photos on his phone, which will probably save them from getting arrested for murder. 

"Well Iggy. I guess I learned my lesson."

"And what's that America?"

"English teachers have funny as fuck names! AHAHA! Did you see the history teacher's name on the door? Ms. PENISON. AHAHAHA!"

"Que? Are you fucking serious?! JAjajajaja!"

"EH?! HOW DID I NOT NOTICE? HAHAHA!"

England sighed at the immatureness the trio and heard the sound of policemen approaching the building. He tensed up and whipped around to the other two bloodied countries.

"Germany! I need you to mess the desks up a bit! Spain, throw your bloody ax outside! You three! Shut it and act like scared middle schoolers! Shouldn't be too hard to do that!"

A big group of riot shield officers entered the room in a matter of seconds and held up small hand guns and tasers towards all of them. America widened his eyes and threw himself to the floor in a matter of seconds.

"AHH! DON'T SHOOT! WHITE LIVES MATTER TOO!"

"We are not going to shoot! What in the bloody lands of the Queen and God happened in here?!"

The lead officer widened his eyes at the floor. Germany coughed awkwardly while Spain whistled and looked innocently away. The officer proceeded to stare before England approached him with a phone.

"I found Child Porn on his phone sir. I threatened to call the cops and he pulled out a gun out of nowhere so we had to wrestle it away."

"What?! But why were you three in here in the first place?! Do you work here?"

"No sir. But his son goes here and he came to pick him up because he... had some pain."

"Okay but why are there deep stab wounds on h-"

"Listen buddy. Enough with the questions. Just tell the press my story. I got a Queen's pardon. Code number #81409"

He whispered the last part, the officer immediately backing off. He gave him a hearty smack on the back and grabbed Canada by the wrist while having the way parted for him.

"Come on then. We are getting you three out of London. Clearly I can not leave you alone because you landed multiple students in the infirmary, a teacher in the hospital, expose a big child porn scheme, have the whole school evacuated, and have us commit murder!"

"Well when you put it that way.."

Canada nervously smiled as he ducked his face away in embarassment. America scoffed and jumped onto Germany's back, wrapping his legs around his upper torso.

"Well your school made it easy! By the way, what the hell does gormless mean?!"

Germany tried to pry him off his back but quickly gave up when he felt the American tighten his hold almost painfully. Still, Germany couldn't help the usual angry face he had and purposely swayed his body so that the doorknob hit the American at his side. American howled but held his hold on him anyways prompting Mexico to complain behind them.

"No fair! I wanted a piggy back ride!"

"Haha! Too bad Manny! Carry my bag slave."

A brown sack nearly decapicated the Mexican who jerked to the side just in time to feel nothing but the breeze it gave. England squacked and used his free arm to try to land a smack on the American.

"That was a good bookbag! Don't just throw it like that you gormless piece of rubbish!"

"Yeah and you almost killed me with that thing! Get another slave because I quit!"

"Say sorry Alfred. That was really rude."

"No Mattie, that's gay!"

"Then get off Dad! I want a turn!"

Mexico grabbed his brother's uniform blazer and yanked it back, almost making both Germany and America fall onto him. America screamed and took his blazer off, yelling loudly in Germany's ear.

"GO BEFORE HE LEAPS!"

Germany was off without no hesitation, already outside the school by the time Mexico got himself up. Mexico looked at the entrance teary eyed before he closed them and opened his arms to his other brother.

"M-Matteo! No-No one wa-wants me! Come give me a piggy back ride!"

He pathetically opened and closed both his hands. Canada rolled his eyes at his brother's fake tears and twisted his wrist out of England's hold. He kneeled down and exposed his back, prompting Mexico's mood to do a 360 degree turn and have him run with joy. He jumped up high in the air and Canada was suddenly shoved out of his view. A smiling Spaniard covered in blood replaced him instead, his arms wide open for an embrace. Mexico cringed and tried to redirect his fall but failed, landing hard into waiting arms. Mexico squirmed and pouted, Spain laughing at Canada's angry soft rant. England glared and helped Canada up, wagging his finger at his former enemy.

"Now that was just uncalled for! Molest poor Mexico in your own freetime but don't hurl poor Canada to the fucking floor!"

"I am offended! Canadoor was totally not hurled! I just tapped him very lightly. Plus you all were ignoring me!"

"You whore! Go get version Italian to embrace! You two probably screw like rabbits every chance you get!"

Mexico bitched while trying to get up. The other did not let go though and he eventually did give up like Germany. He was gladly offered a piggy back by Spain afterwards and while Spain did struggle at first, he did manage to have him over his shoulders. Still, it looked weird as they were both the same height. 

England struggled way more than Spain with Canada in the meanwhile. His legs shook as Canada smiled from his back and he managed to carry him for about a block before his back let out a big crack and he fell face first onto the ground. He had never heard the end of the Spain's, Mexico's and America's laughter along with their teasing for the duration of the day.

The brothers have learned that British Schools are really damn funny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rip Englands Back. LmAooo


	9. Cinco de Mayo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In where Mexico is embarrassed, America wants to party, and Canada brings mayo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have like four chapters that i started all at once. How irresponsible. AND I KNOW THIS DAY PASSED BUT I DIDNT WANT TO WASTE THIS AND MY MOM SNATCHED MY PHONE.

"Happy Cinco de Mayo! Everyone! Party at my bro Mexíco's place! Don't tell him you're coming though!"

"America Im right here you stupid oaf! And no party! I won't be home and you'll mess up the place like you did with Canada's."

"The hell?! You told me it was a moose Alfred!"

A Canadian screamed, shoving Italy out of his seat for no reason to give his brother an ass whooping 

"It was! Though... I kinda invited the moose in. BUT SHE LOOKED SO LONELY!"

America whined, quickly ducking behind his desk while jabbing a chair to keep his brother away.

"OH BELT UP! CAN'T WE GET BACK ON TOPIC?!"

An angry English voice interrupted from another side of the room. America huffed but complied, stepping away from the Canadian who had nearly throttled him. 

"Oh fine! Mr. Grouch, do you have anything to say on the color of this?"

"It's too bloody bright! Are you trying to blind us or something?! Keep it professional and make it black and white! And do not call me Mr. Grouch!"

England bitched, downing the rest of his tea down. The brown haired girl beside him glared and shoved him off his seat. That will teach him to never yell in her ear while she was thinking of yaoi.

"Well I like the bright colors! Mr. STEALMYISLANDS over here just wants everything as dull as his tastebuds!"

"The Falklands are MINE Argentina! Why don't you copy more Europeans' styles instead since you are so damn uncreative and lack a bloody native population that aren't Italian or French idiots!"

"YOU-!"

"Argentina amor... Leave Mr. England be. He is not worth it. Just know you are way better at literally everything he is."

Spain whispered that last part, sharing an identical smile with her. She nodded and Spain leaned in to peck her forehead.

"Good girl! Anyways, I love the colors! I vote to keep it!"

"What?! You are just agreeing with her! I-"

"Ve~ Big brother Spain is right! The colors make it stand out!"

"N-!"

"Indeed. You can truly capture the essense with the colors."

Austria's snooty words earned many other agreements. America grinned and looked back at England, who looked like he was having a seizure from being disagreed with so much.

"Well. Colors it is dudes! This embarassing picture of Russia getting attacked by a squirrel is now officially going to be hung up here in the UN headquarters!"

Cheers erupted from all but a slightly frowning Russian and South Korea's souless twin brother. America hung it up behind him with the photo being framed beautifully despite the crazy tone that contridicted the elegant gold frame. He laughed obnoxiously at the photo again, loving the HD it was taken with.

"Well now that that pressing issue is out of the way, we should now discuss our Cinco de Mayo party!"

"Pinche cabron-"

"Since my bro here wont let us use his house and will probably be busy later on, I suggest we do it now!"

"Oh for the love of the queen! No Alfred! You idiot! This is a meeting not some horny college frat room! There is just no way you can get ANYONE to agr-"

"Im down!"

"Ve~ Pasta!, I will bring some!"

"And lots of tomatoes!"

"ARe you aLL BLOODY INSANE?!"

His face turned red as he jumped from his seat and held up his hands in exasperation. 

"Iggy! Where's your spirit? Did you sell it to the devil? Lighten up dude, come on. You're such a stiff!"

America pouted, knowing England was going to be a little stubborn shit. He droned out the Englishman's yells, trying to think of an idea. He scanned the room of countries before a lightbulb lit above his head.

"Iggy..."

"And futhermore-"

"Iggy!"

"-no respect at all!"

"IGGY!"

"WHAT?!"

"Cinco de Mayo is a day where Manny kicked France's ass. Its basically a Free Kick France in the balls party! You wouldn't want to miss that, would you?"

America chuckled when his words did the trick. All traces of anger were replaced with a deranged look of excitement. England cackled maniacally and nodded.

"Beat France up day? Why didn't you say so?! I'll be right back! EVERYONE ELSE GET READY! CINCO DE MAYO! WOO!"

"Shit! We are going to need the good stuff!"

Canada yelled and ran after England. America laughed and ran to Mexico, who was too busy trying not to kill him by stuffing his head in his arms.

"My main man! Quit hiding and help me set up this party!

"No! I want to go home and you always make a big deal about this day! Its embarrassing!"

"Come on Manny... I promise I won't catch this place on fire like I did 2 years ago..."

"I.."

"PlEASE? PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASEEEE?"

"Damnit! Okay! Shut the hell up then! Do whatever!"

"Hell YEAH! LETS TURN THIS PLACE AROUND!"

America threw Mexico's table across the room, making his brother fall forwards.

"oW-!"

"Clear some space everyone!"

Everyone but Russia and whats his face complied, making America narrow his eyes. He picked up his brother from the floor and placed a party hat on his head before he marched over to the 2, forcing a strained smile.

"Since I cannot kick both of you out, you two must party!"

"Hmm.. Why should we?"

Russia stood up, asserting his icy aura. America felt his smile twitch but crossed his arms in a childish manner. He was generally only able to get along with Russia when one of them were drunk. Which happens to be Russia 90 percent of the time since he's underage.

"Because I am hosting. Not only is it polite but it part of the rules. So get your ass in gear or I'll hang up your rear. _Now._ "

He lost his smile up to this point. Everyone quietly watched behind him, pretending to be occupied. He whipped to look at them which made them all look away and whistle innocently. Russia studied his stance for a few more seconds before he brightly smiled.

"I suppose you have proven your point. Come on Korea. Let's clear space, no?"

His buddy blinked but nonetheless stood up from his spot. He did not even look at the superpower as he snatched the party hat he was handing to them and placed it on his wrist. 

"No dude. It goes on your head."

Korea ignored him and looked at Russia with a confused glance. Russia sighed and fixed it for him.

"Like this Korea. I guess this will be a good opportunity to teach you to party considering your boss never lets you do anything."

"That's the spirit! You commies go ahead and have fun!"

He grinned and skipped over to hand out the party hats he had brung. The party hats resembled sombreros and were adorned with fake mustaches in their centers. He placed one on his head before he forced Austria to wear it by putting him in a headlock. Argentina, Spain, and Italy gladly took them from him while China came back from the bathroom looking very confused.

"Aru? What the hell are you all wearing?!"

"Party hats! Now listen. We can do this the easy way and you put this on yourself or the hard way and I put you in a headlock like I did with Austria. Choose wisely."

"Sigh.. Give me one."

"Smart choice."

China placed it on his head, looking really stupid, and made his way over to the commie squad. Mexico in the meanwhile sat in the corner and glared at the floor, a blush spreading across his cheeks. 

"Stupid American... Always making a big deal! I lost the war anyways, what's the point?! I admit I am very proud of that victory and my general was brilliant... But this is just ridiculous!"

"IM back~ MAKE WAY! SUPPLIES COMING THROUGH!"

England's voice rang across the room as he ran inside wearing a big fake mustache. He was lugging a wheel barrow full of multiple items and didn't even bother to wipe his feet at the welcome mat. What a dick.

Canada ran in from behind him a few seconds later, carrying a big jar that made up half his height.

"I got the mayo!"

He panted, squealing when America shoved a party hat on his head. England recieved the same treatment but didnt pay it any mind, taking out the items and shoving them into Austria's arms.

"Here! Set this up!"

"Hmph! I am only doing so because Hungary is at our hotel room watching Hentai on the tv with Japan and I do not want to be there right now!"

He stuck his nose up and stormed off to prepare the room, leaving England to cackle and pull out a sleepy dazed Frenchman. 

"Ar....Are you finally going to make love to me?"

"Oh shut it and put this on!"

He shoved a white dunce hat on the tired blond's head. He laughed and quickly tied him to a chair before he completely woke up. 

"Canada drag him to the center!"

"Oh okay. Here hold this."

England shrieked and fell to the floor with the big jar of mayo while Canada dragged a now fully awake France to the center. Mexico glared repulsingly at the stereotypical decorations Austria had hung up and the catchy Despacito song that wasn't even Mexican that played in the background. He remained in his dark corner even as Argentina and Italy approached him and sat with him. He hissed in greeting but only Italy whimpered slightly at his action while Argentina grinned.

"Come on Mexíco! I heard England brought cake!"

"Ve~ And I already cooked up enough pasta for everyone!"

"Eh.. I do not celebrate this as much as my brother does.. And it took him years and me beating his ass to make him realize this day is not my birthday! I just dont see it as big as he does."

"Well then celebrate it for us! Come on.."

"Come on Messico! I'll even let you have the first plate of pasta! We are flag brothers! Rosso, Verde, Bianco!"

"And tomatoes!"

Spain gushed, appearing out of no where, and held up a basket full of them. Mexico hummed, taking it into consideration. He had to admit, seeing France tied up was pretty funny and he was secretly flattered that his brother celebrated one of his victories even though he celebrated it atrociously. He looked back to see three puppy eyed faces before he smiled, shoving Argentina's face away.

"Oh fine! But Im not going to dance!"

"Fair enough! Here, have a tomato!"

"Oh me too! Let me have one!"

"Ve~ Me too!"

America in the meanwhile chuckled at England struggling to take the jar off of his crippled lower half. He kinda looked like a roach with the way he was clawing the floor and moving his legs. America did eventually taking pity in the poor thing and lifted it off of him. 

"Oh Iggy. Next time, just ask for help!"

He threw the jar behind him, hitting Russia square in the face. China and North Korea ran to catch him but unfortunately ended up crushed under his weight. America didn't notice and heaved England off the floor, ready to bitch at his brother.

"Canada! You said you were getting the good stuff! Where are the Coca Colas?!"

"Eh... England brought some in the barrow. He also brought alcohol if you wa-"

"Coca COLAA!! HELL YEAH!"

America was already finished with his first can and cracked open a second one. He threw one at Canada, which he caught and one at Austria, which he also caught. With his face. 

"Ahahaha! AUSTRIA BRO! LET'S DANCE!"

"Erm... I-I don't know..."

"WOO BOOGIE!"

He swung the man around, knocking some random ass countries no one cared about off their feet. Hispanic music blasted in the background and eventually England and the commies found the alcohol. Mexico remained in his corner eating tomatoes with the Europeans (and Argentina even though she claims she is European too). He shook his head at how unaccurate everything at 'his' party was, before he saw his trigger. He shrieked and buried himself next to Argentina when he saw.....

 _Taco Bell_.

"AYYY! MAke it GO AWAY! MAKE IT GO AWAY!"

"WAHHH! STOP SCREAMING YOU'RE SCARING ME!"

Italy started to cry, burying himself into Argentina's other side. 

"AHH YOU TWO ARE GETTING TOMATO JUICE ON MY DRESS! ESPAÑA, GET THEM OFF! AHHH!"

"AHH STOP YELLING! YOU ARE MAKING ME YELL!"

He buried them all into his chest in his panic, making all of their yells increase in volume. Austria dizzingly looked at them weird but shrugged and started to drink his first can of cheap beer. Anything was better than being with Hungary when she was watching Hentai. _Anything._

"Hahaha... Fredka! Co...come here! China, my comrade.., wants to... chop your balls off.."

Russia laughed, crushing his 75th can of beer against his skull. He wore two sombrero party hats on his head so it looked like he had cat ears and dragged a sleeping China behind him. America grinned and finished his 123rd coke, running to the duo.

"AHAHA! China is SO OLD! LOOK AT HIM NAP!"

"Hehehe! I know! Ma... ma buddy Korea! Com..Come here! Fredka wan...wants to... uhh Homosexual! Heheheehe!"

Korea obeyed, walking boredly to his sugar daddies' sides. He stared blankly up at Russia, waiting for him to say something. Russia stared back with a grin, shoving him lightly forwards.

"Speak Korea. Tell him what i t-told you to saaayyy~"

Korea slowly but finally made eye contact with the smiling American, who leaned in closer to hear him.

"Come on man! Tell me! Dont be shy!"

"H..Hoppy... Sin...co... de ma..yo."

He frowned, his horrible English and Spanish making America and Russia burst into chuckles. He sent the most hateful glare in the universe at the blond but he didn't see it.

"AHAHAHA! HOPPY SINCO DE MA YO TO YOU TOO MAN!"

"Hehuahhuah! La...ayy off of him! Thank you Kor...rrrea. You may go now! Remember to mix the vodka with the cola!"

Korea sent one last scathing look to America, enough to send a small shiver to his spine, before he walked back to one of the many dark corners the room had to offer. Luckily, Russia was too drunk to notice his shiver, dragging China back to his seat.

"AHAHA! YOU LOST TO MEXICO! TAKE THIS!"

England wacked the busted up Frenchman with a balloon bat.

"AND THAT!"

He wacked him once more, making the other blond cry.

"MY HAIR! ESTOP RIGHTZ NOWZ! I JUST WANTZTED ZOME ZLEEP! WAA!"

He was wacked once again by the drunk, making him throw pleading eyes to a drunk Canadian.

"Monz petite! Please! Untie me!"

"Long live Mexíco."

Canada whispered, throwing another balloon bat at England. France stared in betrayal, opening to his mouth to plead again before England bonked it with his new 2nd balloon bat.

"TACO BELL IS SO GOOD! CANADA, EAT SOME DUDE!"

America shoved the last box of Tacos he had ordered into his hands. Canada snatched a taco out of the box and gulped it all in one bite. He usually never ate like this but the alcohol made him act very impolite. He didn't even say thank you! Well he was still way less ruder than America. He burped loudly before he suddenly started fanning his mouth like a white person does with too much salt on their fries.

"AhH! SPICY!"

Canada drunkingly ran to the alcohol, knocking down a dabbing Austria. America rolled his eyes and shoved the extra taco in his mouth, also swallowing it in one gulp.

"What a pussy. HEY MANNY! DO YOU WANT A TA-"

_HISSSSSSS_

America shrieked and jumped behind England at the sound of Spain hissing when he neared them with the taco bell. He did not understand why Mexico started screaming like he saw Satan and why Argentina was complaining about her dress. Italy crying like a baby was normal though. 

"Geez. You try to be nice and they hiss at you.. Man. Anyways, IGGGYY!"

"HEres aNOTHER, BA BLAM!"

"IGGGGGYYY!"

"AND THE 50TH ONE IN CASE YOU DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH, BAAM!"

"DADDDDYYY!"

"Scream it louder for me."

England quickly faced him with a perverted smile on his face. America rolled his eyes and snatched the balloon bat away from him, making him growl. 

"Fuck no. I-"

"You mean Fuck you? Hell ye-!"

"NO IGGY! I WANT THE PINÃTA! AND THE CAKE!"

"WHAT? PINÃTA? EEEE! LET ME HAVE A GO!"

England ran similarly to Canada and shoved Austria doing a fortnite dance to the ground. He pulled a pinãta of France's head and quickly hung it up, pulling out a real bat.

"MAKE WAY LADS! I GO FIRST!"

"BUT IGGGGY! I WANT TO HIT IT!"

"NO! SUCK MY DICK!"

He slammed the hard bat into France pinãta's nose, successfully creating a hole. America quickly snatched it from him and reeled it back really far. He brung it back and slammed it right in the eye, making it fly and hit actual France in the face. This knocked his chair backwards and make him lose conciousness.

"WOOOO! I WIN!"

"YOU BLOODY BRAT! I WANTED TO HIT IT MORE!"

They both started to catfight, throwing insults like bullets. Canada ran to pick up France's chair, trying to feel a pulse and sighing when he did feel it. He then wobbled his way over to the shouting duo and bonked them both with the balloon bats.

"I can not believe you two! You guys hit the pinãta without cutting the cake first! I want cake!"

"BUT MATTTIEEE! CANNNNDDYY!"

"No! I want cake first!"

"Okay fine! Let's ask Manny!"

"MANNNYYY!!!"

"NOO! I DON'T WANT! GO AWAY!"

Manuel yelled again, burying his face into someone's armpit. Argentina raised her sandal threateningly at the blonds, making them pout and walk away.

"How about you cut the cake and I eat the candy?"

"It's a deal!"

The two blonds ran in separate ways, making Argentina sigh in relief. Italy crying was really getting on her nerves. And Spain was wrinkling her dress since he has yet to let them all go. He was currently giggling since Mexico's breath was tickling his armpit. 

"I think the Taco Bell coast is clear Mexico."

"Oh thank god!"

"Ve~ I understand Mexico! I have never forgiven America for _Olive Garden._ "

Italy shivered, clutching his pasta closer to him. Argentina laughed and nodded, trying to get up but was met with a lot of resistance.

"España. You can let us go now."

"Mmm... No."

"S-Spain! Come on, I can't be hugged for too long, its uncomfortable!"

Mexico whined, trying to get up like Argentina did. 

"Nuh uh! It's very comfortable. And the tomatoes I ate are weighing me down."

"Ve~ I love big brother Spain's hugs! As long as I have pasta, Im very great!"

"Ah yes! That's my little Italy!"

"Ve~ But Germany's are way better, stronger and warmer!"

Italy beamed brightly with a blush. He was then suddenly shoved face first to the side, making him nearly topple his pasta all over his lap. He heard 2 gasps next to him, coming from Argentina and Mexico.

"Well I think Romano's company is better! Go find Germany to hug! Hmph!"

Spain pouted, jealous that his hugs weren't Italy's favorite. Italy whimpered and tried to attach himself again only for Spain to twist and turn to block his attempts.

"WAHHH! IM SORRY B-BiG BROTHER! I WAS A-KIDDING! YOUR HUGS ARE VERY GOOD, EVEN BETTER THAN ROMANO'S! PLEASE JUST LOVE ME AGAIN!"

"Haha! Very good! Come here then!"

Italy quickly attached himself back, scared that he was going to be tricked. Argentina silently thought how bi polar her former boss was before she lit up with an idea using Italy's example.

"Oh! Your hugs are the worst though! So rough and cold!"

"Aha! Yeah! And... I think everyone in this room has a better hug than you!"

Mexico caught on, giving Argentina a wink. She silently snickered before both she and Mexico were wacked on the head, making them shriek.

"Do not try to trick me! You are just using what Italy said to make me let go!"

"Whaaatt? No..."

Argentina trailed off, smiling nervously. 

"Even Portugal has a better hug than you."

Mexico and Argentina used his shock as a distraction and bolted out of his arms. They laughed and then screamed in terror when he started to fumble for his belt. They ran in front of a now awake France and used him as a shield to hide behind.

"France! I know I beat your ass some century ago or something but you have to save me!"

"Yeah! Mexico pissed off España by saying that his brother has better hugs!"

"QUOI? You are DEAD! I can't believe you...errr....oh! How about this mon chers! If you untie me, I will help!"

"YEs!"

They tore the tape off of him, making him smile and stretch in relief. He pulled out a small mirror and took some time to fix his messy hair before he saw his friend approaching fast. He closed the mirror and stepped gracefully in front of the two, blocking the brunette's view.

"France. _Move aside._ "

"But mon ami! Why so?"

"No time to explain, I need to teach those two brats a lesson!"

"Now, now. Let's not be too hasty. We got all the time in the world! Tell me what angers you."

He smiled when his friend lowered his hand with the belt a bit, knowing his prolonging was dulling the other's anger. He was a professional after all, always successful in saving Spain's unfortunate colonies when they were about to get punished physically in front of him back in the day. Prussia was useless in the art though, somehow managing to make Spain angrier at them. Prussia usually ended up running away with the colony until Spain cooled down because he was an 'awesome' guy who saved helpless kids.

"Well. Nueva España and Río de La Plata said that my damn smug bastard of a brother had better hugs than me! _Than ME! MY BROTHER? BETTER THAN ME? HA!_ "

France frowned when the belt was raised up again, nearly colliding with his friend when he stepped forward to try to go around him again.

"Well then. Prove it."

"Que?!"

"Prove it. Give your friend a hug. I will decide this silly matter and put it to rest."

"Mmm. Alright! But it will be a waste of time!"

Using that distraction, the two quietly crawled away, reminding themselves to suck France's dick later for saving them. They crawled over to the big France replica cake and saw America gobbling it up like a rat. He noticed them but continued to chew, offering them some plastic Mexican flagged plates. 

They gladly accepted it and sat behind the table the cake was placed on.

"Thanks hermano. Even though I hate this whole shitty ass party, the reason for it and your effort means a lot. And this cake tastes pretty good!"

"Yeah dude! It's French Vanilla! And I know Im awesome! No need to thank me."

A glassesless Austria suddenly slumped down next to them out of nowhere, throwing an arm around the Mexican. His tie was undone and his face was tinted red.

"Hallo! Happy 5th of May! Im still mad that you murdered my man but it is verrryyy petty to hold a grudge. You keep on goin, don't let me or France invade you again! Haha!"

He slumped forward and fell asleep, making Mexico shove him off lightly. He then screamed when a jar nearly crushed him and Argentina, both of them rolling to their sides just in time. 

"Mayo the 5th be with you!"

Canada laughed, stumbling with a the France pinata on his head. Russia then ran up from behind the Canadian and tripped him, sending him flying into the France cake.

"Heuhahaha! That takes care of France! Vida Mexico!"

"Its Viva Mexico Russia..."

"VIVA MEXÍCO!"

Argentina cheered, making Mexico blush and shove her.

"St-"

"VIVA MEXICO YALL!"

America yelled, swinging a fist at Canada's French Pinãta head. Canada laughed and kicked him in the balls.

"Viva My bro Mexico!"

"Ve~ Viva Messico!"

"Sh-!"

"Aru! Im trying to sleep! So LE- VIVA THIS ROOM QUIET!"

China screamed, laying his head back on Korea's lap. France strolled his way to the crowd, bringing Mexico into a friendly one armed hug. Mexico silently groaned at the hug but pushed it down. This man had saved him after all.

"Viva Mexíco. Mon petite, Im sorry that my boss and I went crazy and invaded you."

France sadly smiled at the younger. Mexico blinked at his words and took a moment to remember what truly followed the events after the battle. He let out a sad smile of his own, knowing that he truly did feel worthless in those 5 years of rule.

"I am very good at holding grudges. So I cannot forgive and forget. But you aren't the same from before. So I guess this grudge is useless. Come, have some destroyed cake!"

Mexico shook off his arm, holding up a destroyed cake replica of France's eye. France winced, pushing it slowly away.

"Erm.. No thank you."

"And Im sorry too "

"Hm? For what?"

"For this."

Mexico smashed the cake into the other's face, hearing a drunk England cheer and whoop him on. The other cringed and gaped, his entire face covered in light blue frosting. 

"Sorry France. But I just had to honor this day some way! VIVA MEXÍCO!"

He laughed and was high fived by his brother. He snatched the coke from his hand and downed it in one gulp. This was one of the worst Cinco de Mayo parties he had ever been to. 

But it was the least worst on his list.

Extra:

"Um, why do I hear boss music?"

Argentina asked, none of them seeing the belt that was about to connect with their torsos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for spelling mistakes. Im lazy and autocorrect don't work. Ah.. I love Spain. Happy late cinco de mayo!


	10. CHAZ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CHAZ - CAPITOL HILL AUTONOMOUS ZONE
> 
> A short chapter dedicated to his unstable personification.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shame on me for not posting for a whole ass month. Shammmeee.

America is exhausted. 

He doesn’t want to think about what is going on. Don’t even mention it to him. It gives him a big headache. While he is totally on the side of equality and freedom, it seems more like a battle scene these days. He hasn’t felt so split since the Civil war. And he definitely does not want to repeat THAT again. 

He can see the looks of pity he gets from the other countries. He can’t really see their mouths with their masks covering them but he knows that they all formed deep frowns when they saw his state. He doesn’t blame them, he’d pity himself too. He secretly loved how pressured his government is right now though. He honestly hates how he’s run and hopes that something will come out with all these pains he is getting. 

Right now, the only thing he cared about was sleep. Nevermind the honking and fireworks outside, he was getting his ass in that damn bed. And so he brushed his teeth with watermelon flavored toothpaste, put on his Captain America pajamas, cradled his stuffed eagle, and threw himself onto his king sized bed. And then screamed when a yell rang from underneath him and hurled him to the floor. 

“What the HELL dude! You nearly killed me!” 

“WHAT THE?! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU PSYCHO! WHO ARE YOU?! WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE?” 

“You don’t watch the damn news?! Fucking moron, I'm Chaz!” 

“Chaz? Who on earth named your dumbass?” 

“Oh for the love of- Im Chaz! The Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone! I take up some blocks in Seattle!” 

America quickly stood up from the floor and analyzed him. The teenager looked to be about 17 years old and wore a black sweater with the letters BLM on it. His pants were torn and he was oddly white. ‘Chaz’ had brown hair covered with his black hood and his eyes were covered with sunglasses. Who on earth wears sunglasses to bed anyways?!

Don’t get him wrong, America has seen personifications form within his land before. America was okay with Molossia, who he hangs out with sometimes, but this new micronation/unorganized country made him annoyed. He didn’t like him. And he didn’t want to see him. 

“Well whatever. Get out.”

“What? Hell no! I'm staying to prove my point!” 

“Fine stay. But get off my bed.”  


“You can’t make me stay! I'm my own country! Don’t tell me what to do!” 

“God. I just want to SLEEP! MOVE OVER THEN!.” 

The brunette stuck his finger out and glared at him. But he did move over so America didn’t care. He threw himself back onto the bed like he did before and was out before he even hit the mattress. Chaz stared boredly at him, not very tired, and took out a spray can. He had seen a lot of blank walls in the bedroom to vanda- decorate. 

“Canada! Mexico! Thank GOD! Come in! FORGET THAT BURRITO MANNY!” 

America smacked the burrito out of his hands and basically threw them inside. He took their luggage and discarded it to the side, more worried about other concerning things. 

“MY BURRITO! NOO!” 

“Well Alfred? Where is this kid you cried about at 3 in the morning?” 

Canada put his hands on his hips and looked around for this so-called brat. Hearing America in their group call certainly was irritating, especially when it was 3 IN THE DAMN MORNING. But his curiosity for this so-called country brought him over here. The both of them actually. 

“He kept begging and demanding me for things so I threw him down in the basement and now he’s screaming about his rights!” 

“You threw a kid down into your filthy basement and expect him to be quiet about it?”  
“He’s a teenager! And he vandalized my walls! And he wouldn’t let me inside the bathroom! Go meet him yourself, I'm going to tinkle now!” 

America bolted out the room, leaving his two guests to stare like kids do when you enter the classroom late. Finally, Mexico couldn’t take it anymore and walked to the direction of the basement. They heard very high pitched screams and cringed at the sound of things being torn and thrown around. A temper tantrum was definitely something that kid inherited from their brother. Canada pushed his brother to open the door that will unleash the demon in there but he shook his head. It was always him damnit. 

Canada glared and he glared back before he gave up and pulled out his gun. He slammed the basement door open while promising Canada to shove him down there one day. The screams stopped and the sound of running footsteps replaced the silence instead. 

“YOU RACIST TYRANT! IM GOING TO SHOO- Oh.” 

The North Americans stared at him weirdly. He sure was one of them but.. His presence was very weak. His face structure did resemble their brother's and his sunglasses with his brown hair reminded them of Molossia. More like a ghetto version of him. He wasn’t lying about shooting though, there was a rifle in his arms. The teenager looked at them back and forth before he smirked and put his rifle down. 

“Big Brothers Canada and Mexico I assume? Pleasure to meet you! Do you want some handouts? I have plenty saved from the donations America threw down the stairs!” 

The two mentioned stared dumbly as he stretched out his hand and saw a wrapped up sandwich occupying it. Canada eventually took it and decided to say something. 

“Erm. Thank you Chaz. I hope you don’t mind but.. Why are you here?” 

“I exist because rights are in danger. And because its fun to go against the government! Fuck the police! Am I right?” 

They smiled at his bullshit but they didn’t laugh. They were already on good terms with the kid and they knew teenagers had mood swings. Plus they all had that phase before. So Mexico placed his hand on his back and led him away to the living room. 

"Chaz? Is that your real name?"

Mexico attempted at making conversation. He sat the teenager down with him on the couch and discreetly threw the wrap Canada gave him behind him. Looked really old.

"Yes! Some call me CHOP too! But I prefer Chaz! Black lives matter!"

"Of course they do. But er.. Is this really the best way?"

Canada didn't really like getting political. 

"Of course! We need to do this! I-"

"Okay great! How long have you existed?"

Mexico nervously interrupted. He knew Americans tend to get angry when Politics get brought up. Chaz's face was getting a little red at Canada's comment.

"About a month..ish? I don't remember. But being alive is great!"

"You being alive is annoying!"

America emerged into the living room and crossed his arms. His two other brothers gestured for him to shut the hell up but Chaz was already up on his feet.

"What I stand for is _not annoying!_ I don't expect a fucking idiot to understand!"

"I am not my government dude! What is your problem?! Your whole attitude is annoying man!"

"Problem?! Fuck you! The way you are run is the problem!" 

"Okay yes! Im run terribly! But what the fuck! Your existence is destroying everything many other peaceful people worked for!"

"Fuck off! I am not wrong! You are!"

"Alright! That is enough!"

Canada stepped in front of Chaz to block both their views of each other. Both Americans huffed at the interruption but the look on the Canadian's face made them wisely shut up.

"You two! Politics with everything! Chaz, you have barely existed! You are a baby in our eyes! As much as you don't like it, you are not going to be around forever. And Im sorry."

Canada added when he noticed his crestfallen expression. America flinched in the corner of his eye which made Canada smile in his head. Guilt.

"Chaz. You should enjoy what you got now. You have so much built up anger and hate. Yes you stand for the right ideas but expressing them like this is the wrong way."

Chaz bit his lip and crossed his arms simarily to America. But Canada continued.

"America. You are acting just as foolish as he is. Enough with this. Chaz cannot help being a brat if your people..his people are acting like it. Get to know him. With what little time he has. Make sure that his existence gain something. Okay?"

"....I hope so. Come on then Chaz. Let's hug it out."

"Hug? No way old man."

The words were harsh but his small smile gave him away. Mexico came back from the kitchen with a coke in his hand, apparently having left since the argument started.

"Come on little bro! Give your big brother a hug!"

"Id rather not."

"Oh alright… Hey look! A pack of chalk, unused tents, and a concert!"

"WHAT? WHERE?!"

He was smothered into the other's chest before he had the chance to even turn his head. His sunglasses fell off his face and his brown eyes scrunched up in disgust.

"Dude! Get off of me!"

"Alright, alright drama queen. You should really lighten up."

"I only 'lighten up' when there are no authorities around."

"Don't consider me an authority then. Im just your big brother!"

"Yeah. Right."

He pretended to look annoyed. Mexico snickered and wrapped his arm around the teen.

"How about we chalk up the park nearby? You seem to go crazy with chalk according to the news clip I saw of your zone in the kitchen just now."

"Sounds.. nice! Let's go! I want to write Love and Freedom all over!"

He dashed to the front door and clawed at it to open. Chaz wasn't good with entrances and exits either for some reason..

"Aw! I wanted to take him to Mc Donalds!"

"What?! No way America! We dont want him to die yet!"

"Ahaha!"

*Time skip to the park brought you by Chaz yelling at an empty police car parked outside a park*

"Hehe. Look, I drew you."

Mexico pointed to a piece of shit he drew on the floor. Canada smacked the back of his head and pouted.

"Meanie jerk."

"Look Big brothers! I drew FREEDOM!"

Chaz brightly showed his big bubble letters that took up 90 percent of the free space. Colors ranging in pink, yellow, and blue made Mexico's eyes hurt but America just smiled.

"You forgot the AMERICAN FLAG Chaz!"

He sketched his flag in his own space and laughed. Chaz held his tongue at the warning looks the other two were sending and simply cringed. 

"Can we go to Mc Donalds now?"

"You don't have your mask Alfred!"

"Ah crap. Canada can you order the-"

"No."

American whined loudly like a child, making even little kids nearby wince. Chaz seemed to be used to tantrums, continuing his sketch of big bubble letters and hearts on the floor. Canada however nearly busted a vein and yanked his twin off the floor.

"I am getting you, Manny and Chaz some real food. That is all. Whine like that again and I'll lock you in the fridge again like I did at Christmas 3 years ago." 

"Wow! Tell me Big brother!"

Chaz had finished all the chalk and stared starry eyed at him. Mexico held in his snickers as Canada agreed, America resisted whining once more, and Chaz laughed loudly on their way out the park entrance.

*Another time skip brought you by Chaz yelling for the police when his phone was getting robbed*

"And that is why my people took over and bloomed that sad area of controlled gray into a oasis of colorful freedom for all!"

Chaz smirked at his tale as the 4 of them finally arrived back at America's house with take out. The other three seemed to see his story in another light but hey, politics shouldn't be in fanfiction. So they nodded and made their way inside. 

Only for some homeless person to be blocking the front door.

"Um. Dude. Can ya move out of the way? Trying to get inside."

"Must be nice to have a _house_ to go inside of. Oh, hey Chaz."

"Sup man. Where were you this past week?"

"Oh you know. Back in Philidelphia. With my crew."

"You know... Chaz?"

America looked confused. His other brothers however sensed the aura and frowned. America was such an oblivious idiot sometimes.

"Im Camp Maroon. Pleasure to meet you bros."

"What... there are 2 of you?!"

"Ah.. Don't worry man. Once my people reach a deal with yours, Im a goner. May sound depressing but if my purpose has been completed then Im happy."

"Preach man."

Chaz clapped his hand and helped him stand up. America still looked confused but shook it off. He had learned to not be annoyed by now. This is just the new normal.

"Okay bro. Come inside, Canada over here bought some food."

Maroon accepted and the five of them walked inside together. Politics (or just being stupid) made up the two autonomous zones. Violence will prevail but so will the lessons that await to be blossomed from the aftermath. The hard part will be to actually listen to them.

Chaz's passing eventually came. But America, with a tearful apology uttered with his fading, promised that he would not be forgotten.

And he was not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Camp Maroon is another type of Autonomous zone in Philadelphia. They stand for a fix to homelessness in the area. Sorry if I offend you or if I got anything wrong. My dumbass should be banned from writing. :^)


	11. Sweet Home Alabama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> America wants to commit incest for free Mc Donalds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I do not support incest. Don't do it. >:(

"GUYS! GUYSS! YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT I FOUND OUT!"

America squealed like a girl (not a hot one) while he waved a colorful flyer in their faces. The room full of countries looked used to his antics, not even flinching when he jumped up and down, creating a mini earthquake. His grin scared them more honestly. 

Whatever came out of his mouth was not usually good a majority of the time. Like the time he brought a wild cougar into the meeting room. Only Greece was pleased, the rest of the countries screaming their heads off when it started to chase them. Anyways, back to America's shit grin, he finally managed to compose himself and held the flyer long enough for all of them to actually read. 

"MC DONALDS IS GIVING AWAY FREE FOOD FOR THE BEST COUPLE! FREE FOOD! I KID YOU NOT BRAHS!"

"You squealed like a school girl... for FREE FOOD?!"

England's bitch voice was the first to break the awful silence. America rolled his eyes, already expecting the Brit to be the first to trash on his excitement. Really, he needs to invent some chill pill ASAP because England has been bitter for like... 1000 years or however old he is.

"Yes Dude. So I have decided, I am going to choose who will be my date!"

"Psh! Who on earth is going to date someone as unawesome as you?!"

Prussia started, howling with laughter while banging his fist against the table. Many other countries joined his laughter, making him pout. Who wouldn't date him?! He was awesome, very strong, and really rich! He knew many people who would throw themselves on him if he allowed it. But he has been used to being the laughing stock of the world, waiting patiently for them to stop. Once they did, he grinned again and folded the flyer back up.

"So my date will be-"

"You have to ask first you bloody idiot! You can't just decide!'

England glared, crossing his arms. France understood his hidden reason for being angry, grinning and nudging his side.

"Ah... so you want America to ask you?"

"What?! No!"

He hissed but his blush betrayed him. France nodded, unconvinced, before he flicked the other's nose.

"Whatever you say. Lapin."

England smacked his hand and growled like a cat in warning. Once his warning growl had died down, America finally stopped tapping his foot. The event was for tomorrow and they were already wasting his time! So, he smacked his hand down on the table, accidentally cracking it but regardless, the attention was back on him.

"I don't ask. I take. So, my date will be my bros! End of discussion."

"WHAT?!"

The mentioned and many others yelled as he jumped at the sudden havoc. Seriously, he needed to invent that chill pill ASAP. Or just make Netherlands bring his stash again. He swears, one day he'll get a heart attack with their mood swings. Yep, definitely not from all the fast food he's been consuming.

"I don't know if you notice.. **BUT WE ARE YOUR BROTHERS!** "

Mexico exploded, holding up Canada who fainted. Many others agreed, England looking a mix between being horrified at him for choosing his brothers and being jealous that he chose his own brothers. Over him! France patted his back in sympathy but his face was completely weirded out. Incest was truly something disturbing... yet hot. He scrunched his face at the forming fantasy, letting America pull him from it when he interjected with his hand held up in defense.

"Yes I know! But we are countries, not humans! So it shouldn't matter! Plus all we have to do is make out for 15 seconds in front of the judges! That's all!"

"MAKE OUT?!"

Mexico looked ready to faint too, not believing how relaxed Alfred is. He really did not give a shit, didn't he?! His stupidity astounded him sometimes. He felt Canada stir into consciousness so he gladly took the opportunity. Once the Canadian opened his eyes and sat up, Mexico let himself faint.

"Think about it bros! A poly couple! A GAY poly couple! They will eat it up! That free food will definitely be mine!"

"I REFUSE TO LET THIS HAPPEN! YOUR BLOODY INCEST POOLED STATE IS GETTING INTO YOUR HEAD!"

England screamed, getting up from his seat. America glared back and crossed his arms. He was not going to give up free food because England wanted to be a jealous piece of shit. He will just have to figure out another way for his bros to agree. 

"Alright then. I will just have to seduce you two to come with me then!"

"SEDUCE?! WE ARE NOT HAVING SEX WITH YOU AMERICA!"

Canada looked sick, holding his other brother close to him. He knew his twin would go insane one day. He just wasn't prepared for it to be this early. What the hell was he supposed to do now?! 

"Are you sure? Hm? Look at my fatass bro~"

America smacked his booty, making Canada scream and jolt out of his seat. He was on the brink of a spazz attack, his eye twitching while he struggled to drag Mexico with him at a far enough distance.

"OH MY GOD AMERICA! I HATE YOU!"

"I love you too! Come on, we got to practice our make out! Make it hot so they will love it!"

He inched closer to them, ignoring England's yells and France's intense stare. Canada backed up further and further, throwing China in front of them to block his advancing form.

"OW-!"

"Get away Alfred! We are not making out with you!"

Canada warned, snatching a bored Switzerland's pistol from his pocket. Mexico stirred, blinking his eyes open and met the sight of his crazy brother jutting his hip out.

"What the fuck-"

"Come on bros.. I'll let you two top~"

"EEEEEEEE!"

He yelled, stumbling away from Canada and pulling his front shirt to shake him back and forth.

"Pull the trigger! Damnit pull it!"

"Stop shaking me or I'll miss!"

"Hnn.. Alright. How about this. You agree and no sex. Deal?"

"No."

They answered at the same time before Canada raised the gun and pulled the trigger.

"Oh how was I supposed to know the gun wasn't loaded?!"

Canada bit out, Mexico's glare making him feel stupid. It turned out Switzerland had already used all of his bullets earlier when several countries got too close to Liechtenstein at the parking lot. Canada probably should have just told Switzerland to choke him to death instead of trying to shoot his twin. It seemed like the best option now. 

"Psh. Canada, you are so lame sometimes! I was literally there when he was trying to murder everyone! But whatever, at least you both wised up and agreed."

America laughed from the driver's seat. Mexico struggled against his seat belt, fighting the huge urge to take the wheel and crash them into a tree. While they had finally agreed if it meant no sex, the other countries in the room took pity and told America that if it went beyond kissing, they would ban Mc Donalds from their countries. America had pouted but then just shrugged then off. He was bluffing anyways, sex was nasty.

"Oh fuck off. Im so mad with you!"

Canada slammed his forehead down, hoping it would kill him. America tsked and used one of his hands to pick his head back up.

"Now now babe. You might hurt yourself."

"Don't call me that!"

"Im just getting into the role so that it's easier to convince! Now quit bitching, we're home!"

He parked the car and bounced out of it. He was smart enough to take his keys, Canada would have been halfway home by now if he didn't. With a roll of their eyes, they followed him inside. 

"Im not going to call you babe Alfred."

"Good. Call me cutie pie!"

"I didn't raise myself to lie."

Mexico said under his breath as he rummaged through his fridge. He will need a whole case of beer if he was going to make it tomorrow. He grimaced when arms snaked around his waist and a whisper tickled his ear.

"And what's my little Manny doing in the fridge?"

"ALFRED STOP BEING CREEPY!"

He shoved him while the other died of laughter, leaning against the fridge to support himself.

"AHH mA gOD! Your face!"

"Fuck Alfred! I'll buy you Mc Donalds for a year if you just stop being a fucking incestual whore!"

"Hmm.."

He looked suddenly serious, actually looking like he was considering it. He then brightened up at something and devastated his brother when he shook his head.

"No.. Someone offered me more in exchange for me doing this contest."

"Someone did?!"

Canada whispered yelled, looking like he was about to rip his hair from his head. America merely nodded and smiled. 

"Yeah. Wouldn't do this for just ONE free meal. Oh no.. he offered me so much more!"

"We'll top it! What is it?!"

"Free Mc Donalds for 10 years."

"Nevermind..."

They both pouted, knowing that America ate a lot in just one day. At that rate, they'd go broke. They were really more angry and annoyed than terrified though. When you have been through some shit, kissing your brother is nothing. Still, it was pretty gross.

"Thought so. Chill out brahs! I'll get something you two want to make this easier. Name it."

He took out a notepad out of no where. The other two brightened up immediately, already having ideas to tell him.

"Year supply of MY maple syrup."

"New pistols. Lost mine a while ago somewhere."

"Done!"

"Fuck, we are such disgusting whores."

Manuel grumbled, slamming the fridge door shut. He can already imagine the amount of comments people will make about how fucked up they were. Well, at least there is no actual attraction and sex. Who the hell would want to bang America anyways? Other than England of course. 

"Fuck yeah we are! Now, le-"

"America. Who offered you 10 years of Mc Donalds?"

Canada rudely interrupted him, looking generally curious. Who gets off on them committing incest? It seemed really creepy. Why enjoy incest when Pornhub offers a variety of hot people doing each other without being related? Is being related hot? Doesn't make sense, if you get off at taboo forbidden things, then watch people screw in their own shit or watch step siblings do it. Its weird but hey, you aren't screwing your sister. 

"Just a friend. Don't worry about it."

America dismissed, walking to his room to get some sleep. He blamed Alabama for making him feel not so ashamed of what they were going to do. Sex is where he crossed the line though. Alabama isn't holding him on that, that's for sure.

Next Day

"Honhonhon! I didn't partake you as a fan of incest!"

France grinned wildly from his front seat in the crowd. England scowled, looking around for anymore empty seats other than the one next to that disgusting frog's. Finding none, he plopped himself right onto the floor instead.

"I am NOT! I simply came just because I don't want that fat arse to go BEYOND kissing!"

France obviously wasn't convinced. England just couldn't fool him and they both knew it. He was here because he was a jealous bitch. While he is going to DESPISE the sight of his America getting slobbered up with his brothers, he hated being furious alone. He needed to lash out, it was much more satisfying. And France was sad to see that it would probably be him getting the lash out. But decades of his behavior made him used to it anyways.

"Whatever you say. I find it kinda hot..."

He drooled, making England resist the urge to strike. No. He would save his swing for later for when it actually starts. He held his hand down in his lap firmly, his face turning red from pent up anger.

"Wow! England is really getting turned on by incest."

England screamed as loud as his lungs allowed it, his face hot enough to cook an egg. Spain was a fucking shithead, he was always emerging randomly from the pits of hell. And he brought fucking Prussia too, how many sick people are getting a kick out of incest?!

"ALL OF YOU OUT!"

"What?! No way! France said-"

"I DON'T CARE! YOU FIND INCEST HOT?! WHAT THE HELL! ITS SICK! THERES 7 BILLION OTHER PEOPLE HERE! FIND SOMEONE YOU DONT SHARE DNA WITH, ITS NOT SEXY ITS JUST BEING A HORNY DOG IN HEAT!"

The three of them looked at him boredly, already used to becoming deaf to his screams. The best thing to do was to stay quiet, that was just England's annoying way of blowing off steam. And it worked. England's face returned back to normal from it's blazing red hue and he simply huffed and glared his way back to the center. They weren't even here for the incest, the event was giving free beer to the crowd.. :(

The event had already started, the 2nd couple already heading up to the judge's table. A guy named Bob, a mysterious cloaked figure, and Finland were all seated at the table. The 2nd couple consisted of a big sized lady (okay fat.) named Karen and an almost bald guy named Kyle. 

"Here's couple number 2! Say hello to Karen and Kyle!"

Bob announced in a sports announcer voice, the drunk crowd laughing at them. Karen immediately narrowed her eyes and placed her hands on her hips.

"Why are they making SO MUCH NOISE?! And... is that a NIGGER handing out beer?!"

She shrieked, making the crowd suddenly boo. Kyle adjusted his cap and pulled up his khaki pants so that he can be prepared to shove his finger accusingly at everybody.

"You guys shouldn't be here! Go HOME! OR IM CALLING THE POLICE!"

Bob rubbed his migraine and motioned for security to take them away. He knew he should have sedated them first before they came on stage. The mysterious cloak smirked at their violent exit while Finland happily doodled on his whiteboard.

"Alright coming to our last couple, please welcome Alfred Jones, Manuel Hernandez, and Hugh Dick to the stage!"

A huge roar of laughter followed by a big smack came from back stage before three teens revealed themselves. One wore a furious expression, one wore a tear streaked face from laughter, and one was rubbing his aching red cheek.

The drunk crowd looked on intrigued, the Bad Touch Trio trying to smother England's deafening screams with their hands. The judges also looked very interested, having Finland discard his doodling immediately and the cloaked figure practically sprawled on the table, having leaned very forward in his seat.

"Erm do we star-"

"15 seconds. _Now._ "

The mysterious figure spoke his first words since the event began. Matthew and Manuel gulped, looking at each other. That would mean they each had to kiss each other for 5 seconds. Not bad right? 

[If you dont want to see this part- well what did you expect from the chapter title and summary?]

Trembling, the two leaned in slowly. Their eyes never leaving each other as Manuel shot out to grab the other's wrist to support him. Their faces burned from embarrassment as they felt each other's breath on their lips.

"God! Do it **NOW!** "

The judges screamed at once, making them jolt and connect their lips. They scrunched their eyes shut and squeezed their hands into fists. Their bodies erupted into tense positions and Alfred whispering for them to open their mouths made them nearly separate. Yet, they complied and opened up.

The crowd roared wildly with cheers and whistles. They threw their shirts, their money, and hell even their car keys. They were unaware of their true relationship, too drunk to even question why two of them were twins. 

5 seconds felt like 5 hours before the two finally separated and gasped for air. They scrubbed their lips from saliva before Matthew slammed them back onto his twin brother's suprised unprepared lips. The faster they did this, the more time they have to get drunk and forget. This will all be something to laugh at in a decade or two. 

Alfred nearly fell back from the aggression but quickly closed his eyes and opened his mouth to make it more "hot". The judges were clearly sold, Bob having not blinked the whole time, the mysterious figure moaning like a bitch, and Finland laughing his ass off while texting Denmark about it. England's disgusted and jealous scream followed by a solid punch to a Frenchman's face only served to make Canada feel more shame. He really did love his maple syrup too much. 

America disconnected their lips after the 2nd 5 seconds were up and grabbed Mexico, who was secretly gargling mouthwash. He dipped him down and made the last 5 seconds count, giving USMEX readers what they liked. He brushed his dark locks and connected their lips harshly, letting his hands rub up and down his brother's arms. Mexico's hiss was muffled by his lips and that had done it. Bob threw the trophy at Canada, jumping up and down as if his team had won the superbowl. Finland poured a barrel of Gatorade on Bob while the mysterious cloaked figure threw a used napkin behind him and started looking through the video he secretly took. 

As soon as the 5 seconds were up, America dropped his brother onto the floor and grinned wildly. He shoved Canada and grabbed the trophy in the process, jumping up and down in complete joy. 10 years of FREE MC DONALDS! AND 1 FREE MC DONALDS MEAL TOO! His dream has come true!

"Hahaha! Fuck incest! It's for the disgusting single people who still live with their mothers! I won! I WON!"

He beamed as the crowd cheered him on. Through the bandages that Spain and Prussia was wrapping around his face, France gave a big proud smile to the cheering blond. England was downing a beer down, looking just annoyed. That was his way of being proud though. 

"Let's go to the bar!"

Mexico begged, still downing the bottle of mouthwash he had. Canada nodded and threw his own bottle away, grabbing the Mexican's arm. 

"I'll pay. I need like... 16 shots ASAP."

"Make it 20."

Mexico countered, walking off the stage with Canada in tow. America rolled his eyes at his brother's overdramatic words. Mothers literally kiss their kids on the lips longer than they had. He walked down the stage at the other side and stopped in front of the judges table.

"Pay up gangsta."

He held his hand out as the mysterious figure placed a 'Mc Donalds For 10 years' pre paid card in his hand. He narrowed his eyes at Finland and Bob, who quickly dashed away from the discreet business that they weren't supposed to see.

"Enjoy~"

"Oh I will! Thanks man!"

"Just... João. Call me João."

"Ahaha! Sure dude. I mean João. Hey, I know someone with that name!"

"Im sure you do. Now scram!"

The figure waved him off playfully, making America laugh and try to catch up with his brothers. A drink or two at the bar was not actually a bad idea. 

"Portugal! Help me get France into my car!"

Spain yanked the mentioned's hood off his head. Portugal glared at his younger brother, his hair messy from the sudden yank.

"And take off that ridiculous cloak! What are you?! Some mysterious figure?! Vamonos!"

He ushered, pulling Portugal put of his seat. His box of tissues and lotion fell to the floor which made Spain stare at him horrified.

"Que-?!"

"Uhh. I have the flu right now."

Portugal coughed at his fist. Spain simply stared at him before leaving quickly. The sound of England barking, Prussia laughing, and a body being dragged on concrete quickly vanished with the sound of a door slamming hard.

"Ah.. maybe I do have a problem."

Portugal looked down at his saved video. He then chuckled and put it back inside of his pocket.

"But I think it's a good problem."

Bonus:

Three days later, Portugal found dog shit at his front porch. He sighed as he pulled on a rubber glove and took out a plastic bag.

This was the 5th time this month that Germany had taken his dog out to use his front porch as a toilet. 

A very proud Germany.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad Portugal. *sprays* Bad. Now you get dog shit as punishment for being creepy.
> 
> Damn I do Portugal dirty but a shit ton of fanfictions treat him well. Wouldn't hurt to have just one that doesn't.
> 
> Also, guys, please get some other kink other than incest. Like, seriously. I would never feel comfortable if even my own family looked at me sexually. Or whatever, watch it but dont commit it I dont tell you what to do.
> 
> Also me: hey ima make an incest chapter 
> 
> Okay whatever, do whatever.


	12. Planning ◇

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sequel to Missing. (Chapter 7) I suggest you read that first. But I don't tell you what to do. So I will try to make it so that you understand without that context.
> 
> The Americans sure are shifty looking. Too much for Finland to ignore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't usually care about the Nordics, Im sorry if you love them, I do love their designs. Norway especially. Hot damn. But they were the least relevant characters and the last I learned about when entering this fandom. So I might write Finland a bit shitty. Lmao, god bless these blonds.

Finland had heard about the whole missing ordeal.

He had been in his house at the time, watching a Disney movie with Sealand and Sweden. While Sealand was being a brat about how Moana could control the seas and he couldn't, he had received the phone call from Denmark. He didn't really seemed distressed at all, more like having a laughing fit about it all. He assumed from the other's tone that it was nothing to be worried about. They were 3 trillion dollar gdp countries. Who would worry?

Almost the entire half of the world did. 

Whether it was simply by force or just having some ties to them, a generous amount of countries contributed to their search. Also angry text messages had flooded his phone after the 3 of them were found. England probably used all of his curses in his entire damn confusing language in his voice messages which made Finland beg Sweden to put down the sword when he saw them. He was honestly devastated that it was worse than he had thought. Sweden was too, though, only he could tell.

So he decided to apologize at a world meeting about 8 months later. Once Germany signaled the start of lunch, Finland stood up from his seat and looked around for the familiar Zig zag, Curl, and Nantucket amidst the departing countries. He told Sweden to take care of Sealand, who had snuck in, while he looked for them. Sweden hesitated but eventually agreed when Finland frowned.

"Thank you! I'll call you when I find them so that you can come apologize as well!"

He yelled over his shoulder as he ran out the room. The crowd of countries headed down the right side of the door so he went to follow. 

"Are you sure you three can venture out by yourselves? Let one of us come!"

Finland turned to the vacant left side of the hallway, the word 'three' making his attention shift. There were 7 figures down there and he didn't want to seem suspicious so he dropped his phone on the floor and kept walking until he reached a nearby bathroom. 

Once inside, he took out his real phone since the other was around for Sealand to play his dumbass games on and opened the app that he used to spy on the little shit.

"I told you Iggy! The hero does not need some bodyguard! And last time you came, you knocked out the hot dog guy! THE HOT DOG GUY! WHO JUST MADE BRIEF CONTACT WITH MY HAND! TO HAND ME MY HOTDOG!"

"Oh please! That guy was looking too suspicious! He was smiling! That creep."

"Eh.. Us Americans usually smile to be polite... But anyways Im sure we can handle going out to eat. I don't like to burden you four."

'Must be paranoia from the whole kidnap scene.'

Finland frowned, starting to feel paranoia of his own. What if they did get taken again? What if they never get found? Those twins held a place in his heart. From the moment when he first found them... their smiles. Just like his own.

"I will give you 20 minutes. Be here in EXACTLY 20 minutes. Or I will order this whole city to be closed off! Understand?!"

"Pero Papi!"

"But Dad!"

"Mais Papa!"

"UNDERSTAND?!"

Finland winced and held the phone away from his ear. Damn Germany and his strong lungs. 

"Yeah."

"Yes."

"Okay."

"Good. Now you have 18 minutes. Get going chers."

"And don't forget to send your daily check ins niños!"

Grumbling filled up the otherwise silent hallway which signaled Finland to put his phone away. He ran out the stall, ignoring the banging and grunts from the stall next to it, and dashed towards the entrance. He needed to apologize before he lost sight of them in the big city. 

"Alfred. Are you sure 18 minutes is going to be enough time to do this?"

"Yes Mattie. The quicker we get the other papers out of Manny's storage, the better. His password change isn't going to suffice."

Finland widened his eyes when he nearly crashed into their backs, very grateful he barely made noise. The trio had just took their first steps outside but something made Finland stop in his tracks. They were right there, he could just apologize at once and be done with it. But he had heard something like what they were saying from Russia. His neighbor told him everything from the mystery of the kidnapping's true motive to a Micronation's DNA being found at the scene and a few sheets of paper revealing some secret project. Russia only informed him so that he could see if he was withholding any details or information and to turn him against them but Finland sternly but politely just asked him to leave.

'It is very impolite to spy... Im certainly not a good spy too.. But if it's something that can bring harm to the world... I better follow.'

Finland decided, following behind them slowly. He winced when he noticed his reflection in a passing store front window. He couldn't follow them like this. They would notice him easily. He looked around for a victim when his eyes landed on a man leaning against a wall in an alley. He wore the perfect disguise. Finland frowned and cracked his knuckles. He will have to do.

"My god.. I look kinda hot!"

Finland checked himself out quickly at a nearby car's window. The coat and sunglasses made him look like an actual detective. He turned to check his ass and pouted when he didn't see it. The baggy pants covered it up pretty well. He then leaned in to adjust his sunglasses and made contact with a weirded out guy in the driver's seat. Finland blushed and walked quickly away. 

"Aha... that guy must have seen me check my ass out... ugh how embarassing."

He cringed, running to catch up with the trio. America looked quite annoyed while Canada looked worried. Mexico's face was neutral but his hands were in tight fists. They turned and entered a building, making Finland full out sprint.

"No no no no! I need to get there before they enter a room out of a 100!"

He ignored the front desk and sprinted down the hall. Luckily the front desk was some bored teenager who didn't even look up. He continued running until Canada's worried whispers came from the quiet far back of the building.

"Alfred please.. We have 10 minutes left. Let's do this another time before they find us here."

"Bro chill. I can do it in 5. From there, we have to run back."

Finland followed his boys' voices to a pretty empty hallway. He looked around very confused before he looked up and saw a vent. 

'They went up? But the storage area was not even here to begin with, it was on the other side of town. Unless.. the reason the others never found most of the project's evidence of existence and its papers is because...'

"That one was just one of many.. "

Finland whispered, taking out the man's phone he stole. He downloaded the app he had on Sealand's game phone and slid it in the vent, using the tip of his finger he could fit in there to push it up.

"Come on.."

He whispered, trying to throw it up with his tip. He used his other hand to reach back into his pocket and pulled out a knife. Using the blade, he shoved it through the gap of the vent as hard as he can and sent the phone flying upwards. He heard a satisfying clank and placed the knife back in his pocket.

"Ha.. That should do."

He turned to leave, quickly connecting his phone to the stranger's. He placed it next to his ear, pretending to be on a call, and walked out of the building. Much safer to listen in far away then risk getting caught.

"Did you find them yet Manuel?!"

America's voice cut in after a moment of shuffling and throwing of objects.

"Hnnnn... Here! I found 5 of them!"

"Where's the 6th o- Oh damnit! That's how they almost figured it out! They found the 6th one back at the other storage!"

A breath of annoyance filled the silent room.

"Listen Alfred. Fuck off my case! You weren't any better! They found that picture of the testing door! You are lucky they did not understand those numbers!"

"Eh.. maybe we shouldn't be fighting.. We need to check in right now by the way."

Finland paused halfway through the walk back to the building. The numbers? Testing? He frowned when the trio did not elaborate and the empty silence made it clear that they had left the secret room. He will just have to find out another day.

The 2nd time Finland found the topic brought up again was when the trio were cornered in yet another world meeting. Finland noticed America's eyes narrow and turn icy when Russia asked to be given the room's undivided attention. The invitation of the other countries of the Americas also gave away what he was going to bring up. 

"Let's be honest, da? We all know Fredka and his brothers are hiding something. Perhaps, a mega weapon?"

Russia smiled and clasped his hands together. Everyone's gaze traveled to the trio, one of which was very close to emitting his own blue aura, another squeezing his bear close to his chest with anxiety, and the last one fast asleep with his face plastered onto the table. Finland started to sweat but felt Sweden squeeze his hand in reassurance. Of course he told Sweden everything he heard from last time, how could he not?

As soon as America's horrifyingly furious expression came, it had left. He smiled brightly and let out a chuckle that rumbled his chest.

"Oh dude.. Do you hear yourself?! A mega weapon? Ha!"

"America, you know that we are not joking aru. Whatever you have, you will have to tell."

"Mmm. I don't know.. How many mega weapons are you two carrying that we might not know about?"

He challenged, laying back casually on his chair. The two looked at each other and frowned before they looked to the invited countries..

"So it is a mega weapon?! Why did you make one?! Are you planning on killing all of us?!"

Colombia yelled before the Asians became the center of their discussion. The twins' eyes softened at her but they refused to budge.

"I assure you. It is not a mega weapon. And I would never kill any of you guys. Russia maybe but not any of you guys."

Finland released a breath he hadn't noticed he had been holding. His suspicions had been incorrect. His kids weren't trying to destroy all life on earth. He would have put it past him in the beginning if wasn't for the fact that England was the one who raised the 2 of them. He probably dropped them as toddlers, he could bet Sealand on Ebay again, he would win. 

"Then tell us what IT IS! YOU ARE A SUPERPOWER! WE ARE ALLIES! YOU CAN'T KEEP STUFF FROM US!"

England's impatient yell was met with multiple agreements. America bit his lip and looked at his brother for help. Finland suddenly felt a big amount of sympathy for them. America was indeed a superpower so he was the one others held great expectations for. But even superpowers can't handle everything by themselves. America was running out of excuses and his silent brothers only made things worse. So Finland grew a pair and spoke up.

"That may be so. But ask and accuse how you want. 2 sheets of paper aren't enough to prove a national threat. Can we wrap this up Germany? Sealand will probably be back home from his micro nation club any second now."

America looked at him gratefully and nodded. More yells were fired back at the Nordic before Germany did his job and left everyone in the entire room deaf.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!"

Finland smiled at the several countries who glared at him. Serves them right for being nosy pricks.

"As much as I agree that those 3 idiots are up to something, Finland is right. There is not enough evidence to take this to a federal level. Claims aren't enough. So you are all dismissed!"

America quickly bolted up from his seat and ran with Canada out the door. Multiple of the Americas and European countries alike ran after them, leaving the room vacant. Well almost vacant. Mexico still laid motionless with his head down on the table. His back rising and falling being the only indication that he was alive. Finland never really spoke or interacted with Mexico much. He didn't find him with the twins and it wasn't until he gained his independence that he officially met him. He looked at Sweden who was looking back at the Mexican with that same neutral face. But Finland understood it well.

'Talk to him.'

So Finland did. He got up from his seat and approached him with a big smile. Sweden approvingly blinked.

"Hey.. Mexico? Mr Mexico?"

Finland nudged him softly. Mexico lifted his head quickly, startling him back a few steps. His sleepy amber eyes were foggy and he squinted with his hair a bit ruffled.

"Al...Alfred? Why did you wake me? Where is everyone?"

"What? I-"

He nearly screamed when a hand covered his mouth. He relaxed immediately when he noticed it was Sweden though.

"Pretend to be him, wife."

The taller whispered, slipping quickly out the door when Mexico turned back from looking at the blurry room to look at him. Finland understood at once what Sweden meant. He and America had very similar faces. He could get some information right now. Sure, he was a big hypocrite since he was being nosy too. But who didn't like knowing a secret? Plus it will help Finland sleep at night without the thought of some super weapon being ready to kill him any second now. So he tried his best American accent.

"Aha.. you slept for..like hours! Um dude.. Yeah!"

Finland smiled painfully.

"Oh. Well where's Canada? We need to make the call."

"Call?"

"Fucking idiot."

Finland jumped back at the glare he recieved. Mexico continued to look at him for a few more seconds before he sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"Pass me my contacts. Then I'll make the call." 

"Contacts?"

" _Alfred._ My _contacts._ The ones I wear since you _**stole** Texas_ from me."

Mexico looked angry but Finland could see the hurt in his eyes. He had heard about that war back in the day. He never knew how they rekindled their relationship but even now, there is still some kind of hate Mexico harbors towards America. 

"Erm. Canada took them. Yes that's right! Canada took them to the bathroom."

He answered nervously. He tensed, expecting to be yelled at again, but Mexico just breathed out and took out his phone.

"Whatever. Im calling. Make sure you jot down the directions."

"Of co- Yeah dude!"

Finland took out a piece of paper and pen. Mexico looked at him weirdly but returned his attention back to the phone.

"Listen. I have recieved word of Test Number 30's success. Can you confirm their location so that we can come over to ask?"

Muffled voices.

"Only once Alfred. Base number 52, West wing, Room number 382002. Time is 7:00 pm. Got it?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Ya gracias Jefe. Bye bye."

He hung up and stood from his seat quickly.

"Come on Alfred! Let's get Canada from the bathroom and get to the base! My god! I thought the success was a lie! Number 2's dismemberment back and number 5's pile of flesh and bones was certainly enough to make me believe it was never going to work."

Finland paled at his description and realized he had no back up plan. Canada wasn't in the bathroom, he had no idea how America WASN't going to figure out if Mexico spilled too much, and he didn't know how those test subjects died horribly like that. So he did the only logical thing.

"Alfred? Come on! The machine won't come over here so that we can see it! Let's take it to Rome! Or Egypt! Or... Home."

Mexico smiled sadly and reached his hand out. Finland returned his smile and gave him his hand. 

Before... he ran and jumped out the window. 

Mexico wouldn't know who he was anyways. He'd sure as hell panic, having spilled a lot to someone he didn't even know. But he didn't know it was him. So he had nothing to worry about.

He figured it out.

Finland held his bloody shoulder as he sucked his teeth in some bushes. Turned out, Mexico had some pretty quick reflexes and managed to chase him and shoot him down. He dragged him away from the day light into some old bushes and held him at gun point.

"Listen. I don't want to do this. But I can't have this information out."

"Mr Mexico please! I wo- won't tell anyone!"

"F.. Finland?"

Mexico pulled his gun away when a confused voice cut in. He too looked surprised that Finland was the one he was threatening, figuring it was some one else more... expected. Sealand stared at them with his weird ass micronation friends which made Mexico throw his gun quickly away.

"We were... just playing cowboys. Right Finland?"

A squeeze on his arm.

"Oh. OH! Right! Cowboys! Um. Ha.. You got me good."

"Sweden sent me to go get you. Come on!"

Sealand wandered off but hovered close enough. Mexico frowned before he turned back to the Nordic.

"I will let you off this once. _Don't tell anyone._ Understood?"

"Loud and clear. Don't worry Mr Mexico. I would never wish to harm your brothers. Your secret is safe with me."

He sent a reassuring smile. It was not returned but relief did stretch across the other's face.

The third and final time it was brought up, Finland finally apologized.

America and Canada marched up to him the next time the trio were in the world meeting and pulled him aside. Mexico conversed with India but Finland did catch his eye looking their way. He looked a bit tense. So did Sweden. Who, again, he told everything to.

"Um.. Dude. My bro Mex told me you know a few things.."

America started, not quite looking at him. Canada looked like he was staring deep into his soul, which made him sweat.

"Erm. I did hear a few things.. BUT I PROMISE I WON'T T- mmph!"

Canada covered his mouth quickly with his two hands but it was too late. Heads lolled in their direction and Mexico cringed in his seat. Finland removed the hands quickly when England looked ready to screech his demon voice at them.

"I SAID I PROMISE I WON'T TAKE YOUR PARKING SPOT AGAIN!"

Mexico released his tension immediately along with the twins as the countries quickly lost interest in their conversation. England glared at them in warning one last time before he turned back to yelling at some unfortunate country.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to yell, I was nervous! Honest!"

"You covered it up pretty well.. And you did keep your word... Okay. Canada don't use the memory wiper on him. He's cool."

"Memory wiper?"

Finland paled. But the twins continued as if they told him the time.

"Listen Finland. I trust you. WE trust you. Don't let any of the information you heard fall into the wrong hands, you got it?"

Finland nodded, smiling warmly at the twins. He recieved the same smiles back before he threw his arms around them.

"Im sorry."

He did not explain why. The twins understood what he meant anyways. For not looking for them of course. Both recently and back then. Back when he let the twins be taken away by England and France. He again let that happen. And he again, did not try to look for them. 

"It's okay."

The twins whispered softly, pushing themselves away from him before the room noticed what they were doing. Finland wiped his tears away and nodded, going back to his seat. Sweden smiled at his return, having seen and understood the whole exchange. Finland returned it, finally satisfied with giving the apology they deserved.

"Do you have more information?"

"Of course."

A small blond boy walked up to the hidden man. He held a busted up phone in his hand and handed it to the other.

"I found this inside the building. Recording shows that they have another storage hidden at these coordinates. But they have moved the object of importance so it's most likely useless to search now."

A small girl with enormous eyebrows and a tall Italian joined him at both sides.

"We also found this note. It was left at the empty conference room. It has directions. Very useful directions."

She grinned, the other two next to her cackling as well. Their boss snatched the note and smiled widely. 

"Very good job you three. Sealand, turn on the lights!"

Sealand bowed down respectfully before he turned and flipped the switch. Dozens of eyes blinked back at them from the many seats that were distributed through out the room.

"Listen my children! We have found something new!"

The figure yelled out, making the other cheer and clap their hands. Wy and Seborga joined his side and ushered for the crowd to calm down. 

"The micronations will become real nations! I promise you _ALL!_ **THE MICRONATIONS WILL BECOME REAL NATIONS WITH THIS MACHINE!** "

The crowd went wild, the amount of yelling and throwing of chairs making the leader wince. But he didn't care, his children were all happy. He was happy. He ruffled Sealand's hair and ushered him out.

"Go find a way to round the G8 there. I want a big audience for what we are going to do."

"Yes sir!"

"And you."

He pointed to the lone human in the room.

"After your _miserable failure_ to find out more from those three, I sentence you... for redemption. If you can manage to find a way in, I will spare your life. Deal?"

The human built similarly to Germany nodded, his dark tan skin bristling at the 'spare your life' part. He bowed his head and stomped out of the room. With each step he took, his smile got wider and wider.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part 2 out of 3. Missing is Part 1. This is Part 2. Part 3 will be the last and be kinda long. Short stories like this one may pop up more in this book of one shots. Im planning on ending this book on Chapter 50 or sumthin. But with this speed, it's going to be like... 1 chapter a month. I have 5 other chapters in drafts though so don't worry. YES I KNOW IM SLOW.


	13. Troublegiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> America invites France over for Thanksgiving. He wonders why no one else was invited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hella late but not wasting this one. I hope yall had a good thanksgiving. If you didn't then Im sorry man, you deserve better. If you don't celebrate then its alright, every day is gimmie food day.

"On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me-!"

"Isn't it Thanksgiving for you America?!"

"Yeah but Christmas decorations were out since Halloween and I got the Christmas tree early!"

America grinned as he patted the too big tree in his living room. France sighed and grabbed the young nation's wrist away from the tree.

"You are going to getz a splinter. Come, who else have you invited to dinner?"

"Just you."

America quickly replied, speed walking to the kitchen. France followed him but paused in the doorway and decided to play it cool.

"Just me? Im honored but you don't usually invite just me. What about the rest?"

"Oh, they.. couldn't make it."

"Couldn't?"

France raised an eyebrow. America wouldn't let any excuses prevent him from flying over and basically dragging any nation he invited over to his house if they said no. Especially on Thanksgiving. Food was a big part of America and not sharing the tradition was so... off.

"Yup."

He popped the 'P' at the end. He pretended to be occupied with the stuffing but France kept his stare at him. America loved attention but not when it was someone trying to figure out the truth from him. He would crack, even if it meant France staring deep into his soul and finding the pit of fire that lurks in th-

"I.. had a fight with them. They are angry at me and I... Im still mad at them. I know they won't come, so it's just you tonight."

America quietly glanced up from the bowl and looked earnest. France took a moment to process his words before he nodded slowly and folded his arms. America being quiet was not good at all. It must have been serious.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"....Maybe."

He admitted, finishing mixing the stuffing. He shoved it in the turkey, the food not the country, and looked on the verge of tears. France flinched at his tears and debated whether to take the spoon and bowl out of his hands and comfort him or to just let him finish, wash up and then comfort him.

"Finish that up and then we'll talk, okay?"

"O-okay."

He nodded, not looking at him. With that, France turned and left the kitchen to get seated on America's couch. The room was actually pretty well decorated and looked to be a fusion of a fancy mansion and a cozy cottage. It had a southern aura, one that made him feel very.. American. America did have that effect on some people. He just couldn't not be American.

"Turkey's in the oven. So um.. let me just.. haha..."

America had barged in the room, looking more composed. France was glad he didn't look so upset anymore but awkwardness did grace his features. Noticing he was spread on the couch, he took his stiff posture as a hint and moved over. America took the seat gratefully but still did not settle down. His whole form was frozen and he looked bothered. Only one thing can fix this of course.

"Tell me what's bothering you."

France pulled him and laid him on his lap. He petted and played with his messy hair to soothe him. It worked as America relaxed and sighed, letting himself stay in that position and be vulnerable. He wished he could let loose and be mothered as much as he wanted to.

"Well.."

_One Week Ago_

"Will you hurry up and return those things you borrowed?!"

They were screaming. Both of them. At first, America thought he could handle it. They fight all the time.

"You always yell things and ruin the atmosphere!"

America sat silently on Canada's floor and stared at his wall. He wiped his eyes and took in a big sniff. He was starting to think he couldn't handle this.

"You're obstinate, opinionated, and arbitrary-!"

" _And you are always pigging out!_ "

America let out a strangled sob as he clutched his stomach. He _couldn't_ handle this. 

" ** _You're stupid too!_** "

He had let it all out at the final words, digging his head into his lap. His brothers had no mercy and did not even seen to acknowledge him bawling. His form shook and the insults he had known all of his life, the ones he tends to shrug off, kept stabbing him in the heart.

"You two can stop it already!" 

A familiar voice made him freeze his hicupping. He still didn't pick his head up but he kept his ear open for more words from the newcomer. Would England defend him? Would he comfort him, even if all that his two brothers and neighbors had said about him were true?

"Well he started it! He came in here and kept demanding us for favors!"

He could feel Mexico pointing at him.

_He wouldn't trust anyone else with his garden._

"He started the fight too! He called me a hard headed boring stick in the mud!" Canada yelled without the usual soft tone in his words. 

_He never meant what he said. **They did.**_

"Well then good job! Someone had to put him in his place."

America felt his blood freeze at the praise. The words came from the one person he thought would defend him. He wanted, no, _needed_ him to, he needed someone right now and he had been his only hope.

"Im going to leave."

He whispered as he got up and didn't look at any of them. He walked quickly to the door but a hand grabbed his shoulder roughly.

"America."

England's voice was neutral. He turned to look over his shoulder and saw green eyes burn into his face. America pleaded silently with his own soft blue eyes, begging England to help him out.

"Don't forget to bring the papers I left at your place to the next meeting."

He didn't care. England didn't care. He didn't break down more though, nodding at him silently. He didn't need England seeming him cry more than he had. He escaped outside, slamming the door behind him. A sudden boiling heat built up in his chest and he finally noticed it was anger. He gritted his teeth as he wiped his eyes roughly and stomped away, heading to his car. 

He meant _nothing_ to them!

_Thanksgiving Day_

"And I haven't spoken to any of them since."

America finished, wiping the fresh batch of tears at the memory. France had finished making a fishtail braid and nodded, feeling anger himself at their reactions. Sure America had kept being annoying with his favors but they all made him feel unwanted and have stabbed him with the very insults they know will hurt him the most. He'll nag America later for asking them for too much favors but he doesn't need to hear that right now. 

"It's just a brotherly fight, no? Me and England used to hurt each other like that back when we were younger. I can't name how many times we made each other cry."

He patted his head and started to gesture him to sit up. America slowly did, still wiping his tears but he was looking slightly better now that he got it off his chest.

"It will blow over. You shouldn't have been so demanding but they shouldn't have insulted you like that and gang up on you."

"They hate me. I broke all of their hearts. I stole Mexico's land, I left England and became my own country and I made Canada feel invisible and tried to invade him back in 1812. Im _unlovable!_ "

He didn't look slightly better anymore. He buried his face in his hands and shook. He didn't know he would still feel like shit after having a week to get over it! France in the meanwhile had jumped at the accusations that came out of his mouth and waved his hands frantically.

"No, no! They don't hate you! They all love you very much!"

"Ha.. Nice one. You all just stick around because I have a lot of money and resources."

"Don't you _dare_ accuse me of doing that!"

America jumped this time, staring wide eyed at the Frenchman. France caught his own words and sighed, rubbing the back of his head.

"Sorry, that came out harsh. But mon ami, I really do care. Ever since the revolution I have grown attached. I gifted you the beautiful Lady Liberty after all!"

He added, throwing an arm around the other blond. America looked thoughtful, nodding to his words while he mulled them over.

"I guess so. But they clearly don't."

"Of course they- Here. How about this? I will tell you a story!"

"... A story? Aren't I too old for Little Red Riding Hood?"

"No! Not those type of stories!"

France cracked a smile when America let out a small chuckle. 

"Well I still have to make the rest of the feast, you can tell me while I make it, deal?"

"Deal. Come on then Amerique. This story will prove your brothers and England love you so much!"

France stood up and followed America back into the kitchen. America let out a 'pfft' in disbelief and started to set items on to the counter.

"Im listening."

"Very good! Now, this was a very long time ago.."

_1610 ___

__"I wanna see him! Mr France! Mr France! S'il vous plaît!"_ _

__"He chose England fair and square mon cheri. He won't let us see him."_ _

__"But why?! You said he looked like me so he must be my brother! I haven't seen him in forever!"_ _

__"Don't raise your voice Matthieu."_ _

__New France closed his mouth with a click, looking at the shiny floor below him. He sniffed and nodded, playing with his fingers. Of course, this made France's chest twist. New France always dug his way into his heart. He sighed drmatically as he finished up with his paperwork and then opened up his desk drawer where he took out a blank sheet of paper._ _

__"I will write him a letter. Now go clean your room."_ _

__"Merci!"_ _

__New France lit up as he ran out of his office and to his room. France winced at the slam he heard, which he correctly assumed was New France tripping and falling, before eager footsteps sounded once again as they got farther and farther from his headquarters._ _

__"Now.. let's see how much I have to pay him for this little visit."_ _

__France sighed as he began to write the letter out. He can already imagine the smug reply he will get along with the amount of money requested that will leave him broke for probably an entire week. But he'd do anything for his New France to smile again. And for him to clean his room._ _

__

_Thousands of miles down south..._

__

__"999...1,000! See boss, I have worked for 1,000 reales! You told me I can see my brother if I could pay Inglaterra the amount he would demand!"_ _

__

__New Spain grinned proudly at the pile of silver on the table. Spain sighed and balanced Peru on his hip as he massaged his forehead at the predicament he was in._ _

__

__"Dios mio...You work a lot! I didn't think you ever- Ow! Bad Peru!"_ _

__

__Spain pulled his ear away from his mouth and swatted his mouth. Peru yelped before he started to tear up and wail. New Spain immediately took him out of the other's arms and held him close._ _

__

__"Shh. Don't bite his ear next time. How about I use my extra funds and get you more chocolate? Would you like that?"_ _

__

__"R-Really?"_ _

__

__"Of course!"_ _

__

__New Spain handed him back to his boss and he comfortably settled back in his arms. Spain nodded, impressed, before he tapped the pile of coins._ _

__

__"I guess I will arrange for your visit. I am definitely coming though! I don't trust the English."_ _

__

__"Aha! Yes! Gracias! I will write the letter for you!"_ _

__

_"Clean your room first!" _New Spain paused before he ran to the direction of his room. Spain bit his lip as he looked back at the coins and then at Peru._ _

__

__"Your brother really is something..."_ _

__

_SLAM_

"Im okay!" A distant voice assured as the running footsteps followed by a door shutting resumed after his fall.

_Present Day_

"Wait a minute, how do you know what happened at Spain's place if you were in France?!"

America interrupted as he stopped pounding some batter. France rolled his eyes at his interruption and crossed his arms.

"I don't pull these stories out of my beautiful cul if that is what you think. I have asked them."

"Woah.. you guys spoke without arguing?!"

America snickered as he was sent a glare. France stuck his tongue out playfully, no real annoyance behind his glare as he was glad America's old self was returning.

"Yes. We are hundreds of years old, what do you think we talk about? Anyways, as I was saying..."

_Winter of 1610_

__

__"Haha! Im rich!"_ _

__

__England grinned as he counted the sacks of money he had recieved in the mail. He felt a tug on his trousers and paused, turning to his little colony._ _

__

__"Engwand rich?"_ _

__

__"Yes America. Im very rich!"_ _

__

__England bent down and picked the fresh new colony up. The boy was very small and England was still so new to this whole thing. He liked holding the hay colored blond though and so, he rested his chin on his head._ _

__

__"Why rich? I rich too?"_ _

__

__His English certainly needed work. But from what he had seen when he saw his toddlers back in England was that they were supposed to speak in broken English. Still, it didn't stop him from cringing and correcting him. After all, the lad had to learn._ _

__

__"It's Why are you rich? Am I rich too? Okay America? And it's because Frog and Tomato Breath paid me to have their charges see you. You wanna see your brothers, don't you?"_ _

__

__"Yes Engwand."_ _

__

__He adorably answered before he did the thing you see babies do and suddenly look down in interest as he fiddled with England's tie. His lips were puckered and his cheeks were pushed up in a way that made his eyes half open as he pulled at it._ _

__

__"Atta boy! Don't worry, I will be here with you the whole ti-ACK!"_ _

__

__He was cut off as America pulled on his tie too strongly and nearly crushed his windpipe. America quickly let go of the tie and had tears well up in his eyes._ _

__

__"Sowy Engwand! I no mean to!"_ _

__

__He struggled to get out of his grasp, guilt making him want to hide in his bed. England took deep breaths but kept his hold on him, struggling not to fall with the strong bundle in his arms._ _

__

"N-no! It's okay America, really! I-it was ju-ju-just an accident!" 

__

He assured as he felt his windpipe slowly turning to normal. America stopped struggling and sighed in relief, giving him a big smile. 

__

"Thank you Engwand." 

__

"Now go clean your room. Your brothers should have been here by now and Im guessing you'd want to show them your room." 

__

"Okay Engwand!" 

__

He set the tiny chibi down on his feet and watched him basically speed walk to the direction of his room. The little boy tripped midway and he was about to go help him up but the toddler basically crawled the rest of the way. 

__

"I guess I should put this away before they arrive any day now and steal it ba-" 

__

_Knock Knock_

__

_"Shit!"_

__

He rushed to put the bags away in a good hiding spot. He had hoped they had died on their way over here after they failed to show up yesterday! He didn't even prepare tea, as much as he didn't like his guests, it was a requirement to make some! 

__

"Help me God." 

__

He muttered as he stomped over to the door and swung it open.

"Bonjour Angleterre!"

France grabbed the sides of his head and gave two big kisses on each of his cheeks. England jerked his head away in disgust and dramatically clawed at his cheeks.

"Don't slobber me!"

"Hola Inglaterra."

Spain greeted more casually but his smile meant that he was amused. England muttered a 'Hello' before he urged them inside.

"And we speak ENGLISH in this house. Understand?!"

He added, crossing his arms as he waited for an answer. France made what sounded like a noise of dismissal as he poked around the cottage and invaded his privacy.

"Fine. I expect you to learn Spanish next time you want come over. I heard Natives that speak it better than you."

Spain grinned at England's scowl. He opened his mouth to retort but a familiar set of footsteps made his glare quickly vanish.

"Engwand! I finish!"

France squealed loudly along with Spain as England was thrown across the room so that they could reach the voice's origin. England didn't see what they were doing but his _protective_ instincts kicked in.

" _ **DON'T TOUCH HIM!**_ "

He hissed as he immediately appeared in front of the two and snatched his colony away from them. They both froze at his tone, looking at him wide eyed along with America.

"What?!"

"You finally got it."

Both empires smiled proudly as America clung to him tightly. England raised an eyebrow and returned his colony's embrace.

"Excuse me?"

"You got the possessive instinct. It happens when other empires make contact with your colonies. Mon England iz all grown up!"

"ENGLISH!"

"Engwand, where are brothers?"

America looked around the room and didn't see any little kids his age. England copied him before he glared at the newcomers.

"Well?"

"Oh they're... still outside. Mierda, we forgot we told them to wait a moment while we make sure it's safe!"

Spain facepalmed as he and France walked back to the door. France popped his head out, said something the two English personifications couldn't catch, and walked back inside.

"Put Amerique down. He should meet them on ground level."

"Oh. Right."

He released his tight grip on him and set him down. The two walked in and closed the door, taking in their surroundings before their eyes landed on America.

"BROTHER!"

America cried out in recognition as he ran towards them. They brightened with shock and recognition too, finally having something click in their eyes as they opened their arms. 

"Alive? ALIVE!"

America bawled as he clung to them in a big embrace.

"Oh so you three _do_ know each other."

France muttered as he closely observed them. Now that he saw them all together, he did see the similarities. Mostly with his charge and England's. 

"You look very different.. younger too."

New Spain commented as he pulled away and looked at him up and down. They were the same age yet... America was very behind in language and maturity compared to them.

"I don't like how close they are."

Spain muttered as England silently agreed. His charge was way much better than those two. He was adorable, powerful, and he was English! He didn't want such influences near his America.

"Haha! Nice visit, so sad to see you all go."

England clapped his hands together and gave them a painfully big smile. The other two empires quickly agreed without hesitation before America scowled and crossed his arms.

"Engwand! It only been 2 minutes!"

England jumped in shock at him. Who knew a little kid could have such an impact on him but there it was. America had never spoke like that to him. These two were very bad influences indeed!

"America.."

England held his heart dramatically but the chibi paid him no mind. He turned to the other two and started to speak in a language none of them understood. They were all even more in shock when the other two replied in the same tongue, lighting up as they started to laugh and smile.

"English!"

England scowled, feeling sudden jealousy. He winced when he noticed the ugly beast herself stirring in his chest. Why was he jealous of some colonies?! America loved him, he just got along with them because they were all the same age. That's all.

"Don't yell at him Mr England. That is very rude."

Canada whispered as he embraced his brother. England again did a double take while France smiled at his charge. They really did look cute together! If only he could have captured this moment in some work of art. He would always stare at it.

"I love him! He's so cute! I miss your black messy hair though. But it's a good look!"

New Spain praised, making America grin and blush. The two continued to dote on him, making the rest of the occupants grow more and more annoyed. 

"Alright, we get it. America is cute. Can we hurry this along?"

England bitched as he tapped his foot. They, again, dismissed him as America suddenly began to run to his room.

"See room!"

The other two ran after them, laughing for no reason. The empires debated whether to chase them but knew better as they counted down from three.

"3."

"2."

"1..."

_THUMP_

The three were sprawled on the middle of the floor. They had tripped over nothing, a trait they all seem to share.The empires started to burst out in laughter, hitting their knees and bending over as their barks of laughter started to become almost painful. Their colonies glared and pouted but the trio paid them no mind as they laughed and _laughed_....

_Present Day_

" _France!_ "

America whined as the other laughed like a maniac for no reason. The Frenchman held his stomach as he held up a finger to signal to give him a minute. It took way more than a minute though before he began to wipe the tears out of his eyes.

"So-Sorry! It waz very funny!"

"That story was lame! So England was a jealous person who loved me _so_ much? Sure, I believed that. But that was in the past. We were little kids, it doesn't count! The other two just met me too, again somehow? So its not valid."

America huffed as he threw raw spaghetti in boiling water. France actually seemed to consider his words before he nodded and started to tie his hair into a bun.

"I see. No more baby colonies stories for you then. How about one from when you were all grown up?"

"Yes please!"

America nodded in approval, starting to rummage the fridge.

"Very well. Now, this happened when you were all grown up. No one did ever tell you what had happened when you were unconscious."

"Unconscious?" 

"Oui. Now let me begin..." France began as he didn't elaborate further.

_December 7th, 1941_

"Where is he?! _Let me talk to him!_ "

"Angleterre, please! Calm down."

France sighed as he tried to grab his shoulder. He was unsurprisingly shook off as the Brit grew more and more frustrated with the men blocking their way. As angry as he was, France knew him like the back of his hand. He was worried, _devastated._ His old heart couldn't take in that a young country he had once raised was in such pain. Pain that they have grown used to in their centuries of war and victory. But America was still a baby compared to them. That made it way worse.

"I had to take a jet _ASAP_! I shouldn't even be _here_ , my country is in danger! But he _needs_ me, let _**me in!**_ "

"They are clear to enter."

One man arrived and addressed the others, who nodded and granted permission. As soon as the words left the messenger however, England was already barreling down the hallway, knocking most of the men and White House staff to the ground. France apologized and followed slowly behind him, his crutches creaking as he tried to avoid the amount of people on the floor.

_Present Day_

"England tackled a whole group of people to see me?!"

America seemed stuck on whether to die of laughter or be genuinely touched. France chuckled and nodded, turning off a pot as America started to cut tomatoes.

"Oh yes! You should have seen how they flew! You should hire him for your version of Football! He'd make a good tackler!"

"Wow. Maybe I should." America stared at the tomatoes. 

"Anyways, as I was saying."

_December 7th, 1941_

" _ **AMERICA! Oh god no!**_ "

England broke the door to the room, sending it flying to an unfortunate nurse that was in the way. He didn't even care, she saved it from hitting America. Speaking of America, there he was, lying in a bed covered with bandages. His two sides were already occupied by two people, one of which lifted his head at the new arrival.

"H..he.. he hasn't woken u..up yet."

Canada sniffled as he turned his puffy eyes back to America. He squeezed his twin's hand and shut his eyes, looking on the verge of tears again. England gasped as he rushed over to him and gathered him in his arms.

"Shh.. it's okay. Im here now. Does it hurt America?"

_Present Day_

"WOW ENGLAND IS VERY RUDE!"

America stared in shock as he started to stir the tomatoes in a pot. He felt such pity to his brother, those words were a slap that even his oblivious self can feel, decades later. Still, a selfish part of him felt warm. His cheeks glowed and he resisted a smile. Maybe he was England's favorite after all. 

"Stop interrupting!"

France nagged, bonking him on the head with a wooden spoon.

_December 7th, 1941_

"I-Im Cana-"

"My poor America. I will declare war on that _bastard_ within the hour, I promise-!"

"England, that is Canada!" 

France hissed as he pulled them apart. Canada didn't seem to be that hurt however, instinctly going to his brother's side in an instant and grabbing his limp hand again. England watched him as he allowed himself to follow the hand he was grabbing up to it's owner. America's lip had a deep cut, his sky blue eyes were hidden under his purple eyelids. He looked so much more younger without his glasses, just like he did when he had fought him back in the 1700s. He hadn't spoken much to his America in decades before World War 1 but he desperately wanted more communication between them. _Anything_ to get them close again. But not like this...

"How many..." France questioned as he sat himself next to Canada.

"More than a hundred."

Mexico replied robotically, lifting his head from his arms in the lone side of the bed. He held America's other hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"He'll survive." France said with confidence.

"I have declared war on Japan. Not only for _this_ but because he attacked Hong Kong and Malaysia. He has gone too far and Im done being nice."

Canada gave a nasty glare at the bed and tightened his hold on his twin. England nodded proudly and lifted his free arm to touch America's cheek. 

"My America.."

He felt a lone tear roll down his cheek as he affectionately rubbed his thumb on the other's cold cheek. As soon as he pulled away, a group of White House staff entered the room and started to crowd them.

"Time's up. You need to leave."

A man grabbed France and pulled him up. He didn't get a chance to grab his crutches, falling to the floor immediately without their support.

"oW!"

"Im _not_ leaving my brother!"

Canada growled as he bitch slapped a man to the floor who got too close. England grabbed a chair and broke it over a nurse, hissing like a feral cat.

"No one is making me _leave_!"

"England, that was an old lady!"

France yelled at he tried to get back onto his feet. Curse Germany for literally tearing him in half! England was either ignoring the pain from the cast he had over his arm or he was fueled by adrenaline as he kept shoving and throwing chairs around to anyone who tried to grab them.

"I love my brother! He's a dickhead but he has almost always been by my side when I was in danger. So _fuck off_!"

Mexico hurled a man across the room. As they kept fighting, more and more people were starting to back off until a man bursted into the room with a powerful air of importance surrounding him.

"What is going on?!"

President Roosevelt yelled as he looked at the mess that laid in front of him. His eyes immediately settled on England and he suddenly looked very tired. He waved at the remaining men and women that were left standing and signaled them to leave.

"Go! Next time, tell me exactly who the guests are. They are exceptions."

He walked over to his country and sighed. He turned to England and looked to be both angry and happy to see him here.

"We will declare war on Japan. I... We will be ready to work with you.Tell Churchill to be ready for an alliance."

"Yes sir."

"Mr Mexico, I assume you still don't want to join?"

"...Give me some time."

"Very well. Alert someone when America wakes up. He has suffered a huge amount of blood loss, he might be confused when he awakes."

And with that, the President turned on his heel and left the room. France watched him go before a hand appeared in front of his face and made him look up.

"Well? Are you going to take it or what frog?"

He did, giving a small thanks as his crutches were handed back to him. Canada and Mexico returned to their respective sides once more, grabbing their brother's hands again.

"You really do care don't you?"

France commented as he smiled at the scene. He nearly recoiled when both turn to him at the same time and replied with the same confident response. 

"Of course. He is my brother after all."

And they stayed there until America woke up the very next morning.

_Present Day_

"Oh god!"

America dropped the knife, stumbling as he nearly fell. France immediately ran to his side, grabbing onto him to keep him steady. America let out a sob as he dug his face into the smaller man's shoulder and soaked his coat.

"It's all my fault! They _love_ me! And now I drove them away! What do I do?!"

"Mon ami, please relax! You admitted it yourself, they love you! Give it time and things will be back to no-"

_Ding Dong_

"I thought you didn't invite anyone?"

France looked to the front door as he clutched America in tighter. America suddenly froze, his small sobs turning into sniffles as he looked up in fear.

"I..didn't. Do you think its a murderer?!"

"Don't be silly, it could be a mailman!"

"Go check. Please?" America gave him puppy eyes. He was going to anyways, there was no need for them.

"Of course. Dry your tears. I will yell if I need you."

France patted his head as he walked to the door. He hesitated in opening, trying to listen to any noise outside. Maybe it was a prankster?

_Ding Dong_

France hovered his hand over the doorknob, debating whether to open or not. It could be a seller and he wasn't in the mood to listen to someone trying to sell their car right now. But with curiousity beating his hesitation, he unlocked and swung the door open.

"Ve~! I brought pasta!"

Italy nearly shoved him to the floor as he skipped inside with a big platter. Germany let out a bark about manners while Japan bowed his head in apology.

"Sorry France-san. Italy had too much sugar in the trip over here."

"And HE WON'T GET MORE IF HE DOESN'T BEHAVE!"

Germany stormed in after the Italian, leaving France alone with Japan. France smiled, actually glad for company as America needed attention right now. Attention from more than one person.

"America invited you Japan?"

"Oh no. Canada did."

France blinked as Japan shut the door behind him and walked inside. France followed him and saw America grinning at Italy as if he had never been upset before they had arrived. It made France frown, America seemed to be _very_ good at hiding his emotions. Who knew how many times he did?

"Ve~! I see that you have taken mine and Romano's advice in your cooking! Very good sauce!"

"Thanks dude! How can I forget? Your brother wouldn't stop crying until I got it right!"

They shared a laugh, America urging them to go sit down as the food was almost ready. Once the trio left, America gave France a confused smile.

"Not that I mind but who invited them? I would have invited them if I wasn't wallowing in self loathing!"

"Japan said Canada for some reason.."

France replied, not knowing how vital the information was.The smile was quickly wiped off of America's face after all. He looked slowly around the kitchen, on edge as he slowly backed away from nothing. France raised an eyebrow and looked around the room too.

"What?"

"He..he wouldn't!"

A soft thump from the 2nd floor was all that he needed. He cursed under his breath and grabbed onto France, leaning into his ear.

"England is a damn spy! That's what!"

He suddenly bolted, running to the front door while almost detaching France's arm in the process. Before he could touch the doorknob, they were suddenly on the floor, someone latching onto America's squirming form.

"Let go _England!_ "

America acted like he was drenched in poison, struggling as England held him down. France grabbed his forehead and sat up confused. Two countries were already making their way calmly down the stairs, staring at the scene with frowns.

"England lock the door. You don't have to hold him down!"

Canada hissed as he crossed his arms. England rolled his eyes and shot up, locking the door and leaning his entire weight on it.

"Bloody hell! You should have done the tackling, you're the same size as him!"

"You're the good tackler! And you did a great job!"

"Shut it you two!" Mexico grabbed his forehead, looking like he was getting a headache.

"What is going on?"

France was honestly very confused. America seemed to know exactly what was going on, grabbing France and refusing to look at any of them.

"Don't you see? They were spying on us! They knew sneaking out was not as easy as sneaking in and they invited the Axis so they could distract us while they snuck out the house. They heard everything from upstairs!"

"Quoi?! Then they know how much they made you suffer! Here to bully Amerique again?! Well I won-!"

"Calm your panties _frog_. We are actually here..to apologize."

England's stone face dropped as he looked to America with softer eyes. America still refused to look at him though, looking ahead at nothing stubbornly.

"America _please._ I shouldn't have ignored you like that. I saw the pain in your face and I didn't address it because I thought you didn't want me to embarrass you more. I thought you didn't want me to make a scene. And I shouldn't have praised their behavior."

England clung to him and buried his head into his chest. America let his face be buried in his chest, letting the tension from his frame release. He missed bothering him and calling him Iggy. He loved his affections the most. He loved hearing his heartbeat, taking in his scent. It was nostalgic, he felt like he was home.

"America. We want to say sorry too. I know I say sorry a lot but.. what we said was.. very harsh. I was just not in a good mood, I know that doesn't excuse my behavior but please! I felt guilty this whole week and I couldn't bring myself to come until England approached us today about it. Please Alfred, forgive me."

Canada bursted into tears, digging his face into his hands. Mexico rested his hand on his shoulder, looking very upset as well.

"Im sorry too America. Of course, spying was not our idea but it was very enlightening that we heard your conversation. I was also not in a very good mood and like Canada said, that doesn't excuse me for my behavior. I love you Alfred. If I ever say those harsh insults, I want you to slap me. I will never mean those words. I have no more tears to shed, I've already shed them all this whole week."

Mexico let out a sad chuckle as he handed Canada his bandana. Canada accepted it and wiped his tears, clutching it close to his chest as he waited for an answer. France curiously glanced at America, who still had his face buried in England's chest.

" _Ojdjt..._ "

He muttered as they waited for his response. They all blinked nervously and leaned in closer.

"What?" England replied nervously as Canada clinged to Mexico's form.

" _ **OUT!**_ "

He yelled, pushing England away as he quickly stood up. The three of them flinched and looked crushed, France feeling pity for them. They did look very sorry but if America wasn't ready to forgive then they had to accept it.

"Alright lad.. I understand."

England hung his head as he started to open the door to leave. Canada wept more as Mexico started to lead him to the door, England holding it open for them as he refused to look at any of them.

"Where are you going?! I meant the dining room dudes you crazy stalkers!"

All of their heads whipped to America, who held an annoyed look and crossed his arms. England did a 180 as he ran back inside and slammed the door behind him.

"Really?"

"Yes dude. I forgive you all. I've said some awful things too, it happens. France here has taught me that you all love me and.. I love you all too. So enough of this mushy stuff, get yo asses seated at the table!"

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

The three practically kissed his feet, cheering and running to the dining room. America smiled and shook his head, offering his hand to France.

"I want to thank you France. Even if you do creep people out, you're not a bad guy!"

"No problemz Amerique. Anytime!"

They embraced before America pulled away and looked up at the ceiling. He grinned and looked back to the Frenchman.

"Wha- mfph!"

He was cut off when the other smashed his lips on to his own. He cringed at the inexperience he discovered when America basically smooched him like one would on their grandma's cheek. After a few seconds, he pulled away with a pop and laughed at France's horrified look.

"Why did you kiss me?!"

"Mistletoe!"

America pointed to the one hanging in the middle of the ceiling. France rolled his eyes and America recognized his 'Im about to nag' look that he usually sees on England. 

"Well that's a dumb place to put-"

_DING_

"Turkey's ready! No, not to join the European Union. But ready to eat! Come on Francy Pants!"

America skipped into the kitchen, obviously wanting to get away from France's Early Christmas Decor Review. France chuckled at his joke and followed after him. It surely always felt like Christmas when America was around. After all, starting Christmas before or on Thanksgiving made just as much sense as America himself!

_BANG BANG_

"Is _no one_ going to open?! You jerks! It's freezing out here!"

"Aw. Don't worry Romano, I will warm you up."

" _DONT TOUCH ME!_ "

_SMACK_

And so, Spain and Romano spent Thanksgiving in the hospital from Hypothermia after no one answered the door for them. Also, Turkey says stop making Thanksgiving jokes around him. He's already recieved hundreds in the mail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffers. >v< FRUS is not canon here, I just wanted them to bond. You'll see a chapter of SPCAN and UKMEX bonding some day where I dont have 7 classes in a row, millions of homework, and hella stress. People with online classes, I salute you. Fail wit me.


	14. Beleza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter in Brazil. Always research when you travel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me tell you. If I was to choose another nationality to be born into in my 2nd life, it would be Brazil! God I adore Brazil. To any Brazilians out there, Viva Brasil! 🇧🇷

" _Bem vindo ao Brasil!_ "

"Wait, did she say Brazil?!"

Canada bolted from his seat as he clutched Kuma tightly in shock. America did a spit take of his cola from the lane seat he was in. They weren't in Portugal?! No wonder why the old lady next to him didn't have a mustache! Speaking of the old lady, she was currently cursing in _Brazilian_ Portuguese as she was doused in the cola that he spat out. He laughed nervously before she started to hit him with her sandal.

"Manuel, wake up!"

Canada nudged his sleeping brother that was seated in between him and America. He wore a sleeping mask with his mouth open and didn't even seem to be disturbed America's loud screams on his left. He would be laughing and taking pictures if they weren't in _BRAZIL_!

"5 more minutes..."

"We took the wrong plane! We are in Porto Alegre, _BRAZIL_ , not PortaAlegre, Portugal!"

"WHAT?!"

Mexico awoke with a start, sitting up too quickly that his forehead make contact with the seat in front of him. America cried next to him as the scary Brazilian lady continued to whack him with her sandal, no one bothering to help him out. Old ladies yelling and beating people in public must be a Brazilian thing.

"There are no airports in PortaAlegre, Portugal you fools! Filho de uma desgraça! You should have done your research! Your Portuguese friend is probably very disappointed."

The old lady waved her sandal before she put it back on and huffed. America rubbed his arm, looking to his brothers with rare guilt.

"The old hag's right. We probably should just stay for a day and buy tickets to... whatever airport is near PortaAlegre."

"Alright but you are going to be the one to explain why we arrived late! This is the last time I let you buy the tickets."

Mexico hissed as he dug himself deeper into his seat. He knew _he_ was hovering around, if luck wasn't on their side then they would probably run into him. 

~♧~

"Wow! Brazil is so pretty!"

Canada skipped and spun as Kuma had trouble keeping up with them with his stubby legs. America oogled the women who giggled and looked his way, his eyes widening as he started to drool. He could _eat_ that...

"It is pretty. But we should look for a place and stay in there for... maybe the whole day!"

Mexico recommended, squinting at a random monkey in the street. He has dogs wondering around his place so he wasn't too surprised. Canada turned to him with puppy eyes, silently begging him to stop being a bitch and let them explore.

" _No._ "

"Manny..."

" _No!_ Im too paranoid and Im afraid we'll run into _him_ here! I can't see him right now!"

" _Manny..._ "

"Bro, don't be such a grouch. The people here are nice, look! Those ladies gave me their pão de queijo! Muito Obrigado ladies!"

America waved as they grumbled and sulked away. America chuckled before he shoved one in his mouth, slinging an arm around his twin.

"Don't tell Brazil I know Portuguese. I kinda totaled his car and he let me go because I pretended I didn't understand him."

"But doesn't he know English?"

"Not when he's angry."

America shrugged as he offered some of the food the women had given him. Canada accepted it but Mexico simply sniffed and looked away.

"Alright, what is your problem?" Canada pinched his ear, making him yelp and whine.

" _Manoel!_ Is that you?!"

"Ugh nooo."

Mexico whined as he sunk into Canada, grabbing Kuma and burying his face into him as if he was a pillow. Canada held him but lit up, grinning as he waved the newcomer over.

" _Brazil!_ Nice to see you!"

He greeted the personification as he strutted up to them. His vibrant green eyes roamed over them, quickly settling on Mexico's tired face.

"E aí pessoal! Got my machete _Manoel_?"

"It's _Manuel_. You ask me for your machete _every time._ I will tell you again, I never took it! It was probably Argentina!"

" **BOSTA!** Argentina wouldn't take it, it was clearly you!"

"Pinche hijo de su madre! You _SIMP_! I never took it!"

"So that's why he didn't want to look around..."

Canada whispered to his twin as the two latinos screamed back and forth towards each other. They awkwardly stood to the side, Brazilians not even sparing a glance at the latino duo.

" _ROUND 16_!"

" _7-1!_ "

They yelled as the two of them began to shove each other. America and Canada immediately ran to separate them, surprisingly recieving little resistance. Canada held onto Mexico while America held onto Brazil, trying to calm the already calm nations down.

"Guys, _stop it!_ You guys are best friends! I'll buy you a new machete for goodness sake!"

Canada pleaded as he squeeze the air out of his brother. Brazil looked confusingly at the twins before he pushed America's arms away.

"Stop what? We were just talking?"

"Yeah, don't be a drama queen. It was _literally_ a conversation hermano."

Mexico slipped out of his crushing embrace and rolled his eyes. The twins exchanged confused glances before Brazil adjusted his hat and brought them all in with a hug.

"Well since you offered, I will gladly take up your offer Canadá! Now, I want a Bolo machete, not too big but big enough. If you can't, a Latin machete is a good choice too. Beleza! Now, do you want me to show you around Porto Alegre?"

"Yes!"

Canada beamed when Mexico nodded to his silent question. He picked the Mexican up and spun his around, making him yelp and smack him. America also got excited, already pulling Brazil to the more popular areas. More popularity meant good stores to eat in and he was hungry!

~◇~

"A monkey? Are you serious? We don't have monkeys roaming around here, someone must have let one loose."

Brazil dismissed Mexico's poking question as they were seated at some churrasqueira. America was stuffing his face with all variety of meats across from them while Canada nagged him to slow the hell down. He was the one who was going to break the news about their tardiness after all, he still needed him alive!

"Uh huh." 

Mexico didn't sound convinced as a drink was set in front of him. He narrowed his eyes at it, a silver straw poking out from some weirdly ball shaped cup. He poked it, expecting some fishes to emerge. Brazil was already halfway done with his as he nudged him in encouragement. 

"Não se preocupe, é chimarrão!"

"Parece musgo..." Mexico cracked a smile and grabbed it. Brazil laughed and nodded, already finished with his own.

"English!" America nagged as he finished his food and started to pick his teeth with a toothpick. Mexico rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at him.

"Oh shut up. You know what we said."

He took a sip from the straw and paused to take the flavor in. He slowly slid the drink away from him.

"I will be honest. It tastes like grass and butter in hot water. But, it surprisingly... doesn't taste that bad."

He brought the drink back to him and took another gulp. Brazil proudly watched him finish it, slowly but surely nonetheless, before he snatched the empty container from him.

"I do it better than Uruguay, Paraguay, and Argentina, remember that!"

Brazil grinned as he took out his phone and took a picture. He quickly typed something into his phone before he put it back in his pocket and shoved some reals on to the table.

"We Brazilians usually love to stay here for hours and talk but Argentina, Uruguay or Paraguay might barge in here any second with their own versions of the drink. Let's go."

"Aw, I didn't finish mine."

Canada sadly stared at the chimarrão he had left on the table as America downed his 3rd one. He didn't want it to go to waste. Seeing this, his twin ran back to the table and downed Canada's drink before he returned back quickly.

"Eh. It was okay."

America shrugged out his own review as he ignored Canada's gape and followed Brazil and Mexico out. Canada shook his head, silently going after him before he paused and walked back to their table. 

"Come on Kuma. Im not leaving you in another country again."

~♤~

"And this is Parque Farroupilha!"

Brazil proudly puffed out his chest as Canada and America took out their phones and took millions of pictures. 

"What a bunch of tourists." Mexico remarked, chuckling at the identical glares sent his way. He looked back the open space and marveled at the magenta flowers. The many plants and trees present reminded him of Brazil's expanse of them that covered his entire country. He was silently jealous that his country didn't have as much forests as Brazil's and his brothers. Sure, he did have many plant species that thrived in his climate but there was something about the Amazon that made it a mysterious but majestic beauty. 

"It's.. an arc."

He flatly pointed to the arc, which was surrounded by many people. Brazil threw him a quirked eyebrow, not very appreciative at having something of his being seen and described in such a dull way. Well, he didn't want to boost his huge ego, he should know that Mexico loved his country by now.

" _Monumento ao Expedicionário._ Created right after World War 2, it honors the Brazilian men who fought at the Italian front." Brazil explained, quickly holding his finger up when Mexico opened his mouth for an intended apology.

"Relax. I've made the same mistake. I had laughed at the tear drop memorial at America's place. It looked like a woman's... And it was actually meant as a memorial for 9/11. Sorry about that America."

"It's good dude. Accidents happen." America shrugged, he wasn't really offended. He have heard worse and Brazil's rapid plea for forgiveness when he told him what it was for made him overwhelmed. He had to assure the Brazilian that he was totally cool with his mistake before he collapsed from guilt or something.

"Anyways, how long are you all staying?" 

Brazil changed the topic as he started to lead them to a lake. He felt the guilt surge but he knew America would probably be more angry that he keeps asking for forgiveness than his actual deed. Canada decided to answer, seeing how Mexico kept staring at the trees and America took photos of some random garbage.

"Just for today. Actually, we should be going, we still need to buy tickets out of here."

He squeezed Kuma to keep him from diving into the lake. Brazil widened his eyes, steps faltering. Canada quickly grabbed Mexico with his free arm, preventing him from colliding into Brazil's stiff figure. He couldn't stop America though, watching as he crashed right into Brazil and sent him flying to the ground.

"Whoops. Sorry dude." America placed his camera down and offered him a hand. Brazil stared at his hand before he rejected it and stood up himself.

"A day? You came to my place for just a day? What did you expect to see in just one day?"

"We actually... weren't supposed to come here at all. We had a mix up. We were supposed to be in PortaAlegre, Portugal not Porto Alegre, Brazil." 

Mexico explained, dusting the dirt that had collected on his shorts. Brazil smacked his hand away, dusting the dirt off himself as he backed away from them.

"You all haven't visited me in _years._ Here I thought that you all finally turned a new leaf but you being here was just a _mix up?!_ A _mistake?_ "

"Brazil.."

Mexico started, stepping forward with 0 clue on what to say. Brazil huffed as he leaned away from him, crossing his arms against his chest.

"I thought.. we were a great quad! The top 4 countries of the Western Hemisphere! Why don't you come here like you do to each other?"

Brazil no longer look angry but more like a hurt child. America sighed as he brought him into a forced hug, ignoring his half hearted gestures to push him off.

"You're beautiful Brazil. Quit being a baby. We'll visit more often dude, just tell us next time! We just thought you had your own trio! ABC? Y'all are the South American Version of us."

"Oh shut up. Yes they do visit, they just know me already so I can't show off. So you better make good on your word! I want to show you Bahia."

"It's a deal." Canada smiled as he ruffled his hair. Mexico sighed in relief, nodding at his words, before he started to hurry them along.

"Come on, the sun is setting. Brazil, can you help us get to PortaAlegre? Im pretty sure we'll end up flying to Nepal at this rate."

"Of course! Come on, I got a place here. Tá bom?"

"What." 

"Shut up and follow me." Brazil sighed as he led them out of the beautiful park. Honestly, he felt cheated seeing as how he barely got to show them around. He suppose there will be a next time anyways if America was true to his word.

~♡~

" _BRASIL! POR QUE ELES ESTÃO COM VOCÊ ?! Fiquei preocupado quando eles nunca apareceram, ligue para mim mais cedo na próxima vez-!_ "

"Pela quinta vez, diga-me qual é o aeroporto mais próximo!"

Brazil barked into his phone, typing madly on his laptop. America coughed into his fist awkwardly in the background, Canada looking very scared behind him while Mexico slowly tried to decipher the conversation. He didn't know shit about Portuguese, like Canada, but it was eerily similar to Spanish so he could understand Brazil most times. 

" _Eu iria bater neles esta noite! Isto é tudo culpa sua! É por isso que Angola é a minha preferida!_ "

"This is why I don't call you! You always find something to complain about! You aren't my mother!"

Brazil hissed as he finally managed to pull up a non shifty looking website. He sighed when more curses and screams rang in his ear before he lightened up at the screen.

"I got some tickets here pretty cheap to Lisbon! Take a cab from there because Im pretty sure Portugal barely has any airports anyways with it's small ass area."

"Sounds good." America smuggled a giggle as the person on the other side of the call called Brazil a gigantic disappointment. Brazil rolled his eyes before he set the phone on speaker and threw it to the far side of the bed.

"They'll be there tomorrow. Calm down and drink some tea. _...viado._ "

"Don't _butcher_ my language."

A tired voice sounded from afar. Brazil chuckled as he purchased the three tickets and turned to the trio.

"Do we need four because of the bear or not?"

"No, we usually just pretend he's a book bag. Works everytime!" Canada chuckled as he held Kuma up in the air. Kuma silently stared at him, seemingly not recognizing him, but unbothered that a stranger was playing with him. The fish in the stranger's bag was very tempting after all.

"Smart." Brazil commented before he turned around and confirmed the purchases. He nodded in satisfaction at no one before he relaxed in his chair and threw his head back.

"Well, got to go. Hang up for me, will ya?"

He spoke to the air. Silence greeted him and he thought the other had already hung up. He sighed at the silence before his eyes snapped open at shuffling. It was heard from the phone before it came to a stop and a quiet voice reached their ears.

"Boa noite baby boy."

Brazil blushed and groaned, sitting up from his sprawled position.

"Don't _baby_ me. Why don't you go call Angola next since she's your _favorite!_ "

"Jealous?"

"N-No!"

"Uh huh. Well, I will reassure you. None of you are my favorite, you were all equally as shitty."

"Boa noite Mr _Portugal_." Brazil said in a mocking tone, slamming his laptop shut.

"I'll visit next spring break, okay? Don't forget to clean when I get there. Bye bye."

"Bye."

_Click._

"God, sometimes I wish I was colonized by the English."

Brazil muttered as he stood up and stretched. They were stuck in his house for the night as he refused to show them off and risk people preying on them because they don't live here. Beautiful Porto Alegre shone at night but Brazil sadly knew it what lurked in the shadows at this time. Every country had it's dangers and so, he didn't feel too bad about it. 

"I wish we had more time here." Canada sighed as he stared out the window. Brazil was absolutely beautiful. He knew they weren't in the main areas like São Paulo, Rio or Brasilia. It was nice to see a lesser known city though, even if he barely got to experience it.

"Come anytime you like. I will show you everything! May take a month though." Brazil said. He snatched a photograph out of America's snooping hands and placed it back on his shelf.

"Não sei como ela é a favorita. Ela é mais pobre do que eu..." He muttered as a picture of him and his sister at Salvador silently taunted him.

"Eh. I don't know either dude. Think he was just trying to mess with you. England jokes that Hong Kong was his favorite but I know he says so to get on my nerves-"

"I thought you didn't know Portuguese."

Brazil suddenly puffed up like a feral cat and looked at him with a suspicious look. He heard Mexico take an intake of air while Canada awkwardly whistled and made an excuse about feeding Kuma.

"I _don't_!" America suddenly tried to cover up his slip. Brazil looked at him, unconvinced, as he started to corner him.

"You don't? You knew exactly what I was talking about. Did you.. fake it so you didn't have to pay for my car?! _Pão duro!_ Now you owe me!"

"Oh alright! Just chill dude."

America grabbed a random pillow and held it like a shield. He didn't want the Brazilian cops to show up and somehow end up without his wallet. It was a nice wallet too, it had the American flag but in the shape of his country. That way, he was double patriotic! Go USA!

"Don't chill me! Now to bed!" Brazil pointed to the lone bed in his room. America stared stupidly at the bed before Brazil lowered his arm and looked murderous. 

"Okay, okay!" America ran to the bed and hopped in. Brazil scowled and crossed his arms.

"Don't sleep with pants you disgrace! Change into shorts, Im going to go get the others ready."

"Okay mom."

....

And soon all three of them were changed and placed in the same bed, covers to their necks. America glared at the ceiling before he let out a loud bellow.

" _BRAZIL!_ "

" _WHAT?!_ "

" _IS THERE AN AC?! IT'S HOT!_ "

" _OPEN A WINDOW!_ "

"Broke bitch." America hissed as he climbed over Canada to open the window. Canada growled as America placed all of his weight on him, turning to his side while clutching Kuma like a teddy bear. As soon as America opened the window, the sound of cars, barking dogs, and some random Brazilian guys talking loudly in front of their house made America chuckle. It seemed that these noises were universal.

"This is the life." America commented as he climbed back into the middle of the bed. He yelped when something bit him and was about to yell at Kuma but the bear was asleep. Canada glared at him instead, daring him to clamber over him again. 

"Dios, who opened the window?! The mosquitos are coming in!" Mexico groaned sleepily as he started to scratch his leg. 

"Mosquitos? Oh no!" America groaned as he clambered over Mexico to go close the window. Mexico made a strangled noise as his weight was applied to his back. Fatass.

_OOO OO AH AH! SCREEE!_

" _ **AH! OH GOD!**_ "

Mexico and Canada bolted up just as a monkey launched itself into America's face from the window. They screamed as he ran around like a headless chicken, trying desperately to take off the crazy small animal on his head.

" _BRAZIL, LA ESCOBA!_ " Mexico cried out as Canada started to look for the hockey stick he had packed.

" _WHAT?!_ "

" _THE DAMN BROOM, BRING THE DAMN BROOM!_ "

The door bursted open and Brazil held the broom like one would hold a shot gun.

"IS IT ANOTHER BAT?! THEY STARTED TO EAT OUR BLOOD RECENTLY!"

" _GET IT OFF ME!_ "

America screeched as the monkey started to pull on his hair. Brazil lifted the broom up and tried to find angle to hit it off but America kept moving.

" _ **HOLD STILL!**_ "

~☆~

"Does it still hurt?"

Canada smiled in pity as his brother nodded his head. Bandages covered his left eye and more wrapped around his forehead, giving people boarding the plane quite the sight.

"God had punished you for standing up your Portuguese friend." The same old lady from the last flight they took said as she sat in the seat next to them, again being separated by the lane. America glared at her but quickly ducked when she almost hit him with her sandal again.

"Don't make that face! So rude!"

_Apertem os cintos de segurança, estaremos decolando em breve._

The flight attendant announced, making Canada and Mexico look at America.

"Put on your seat belts."

America muttered, his brothers nodding and doing so. Canada sighed as he took out his phone and scrolled through it before they told him to put it away while Mexico put on his sleeping mask and let his head fall back.

"Peace at last." Mexico whispered as he let himself fall asleep. America glared at him, the multiple scratches and the big bump on his head oozing pain through out his body. There was nothing peaceful about fighting a monkey. Plus, he now owed Brazil a new broom, a window, AND money for his car.

"Next time we come here, let's stay in a hotel room for the whole week and call it a vacation."

"Agreed." Canada dismissed, continuing to look at Australia's post about beating New Zealand at a hot dog eating contest. Thank god he didn't have them as neighbors. He didn't want an emu or kiwi infestation at his borders after all. Just him, some nukes, some monarch butterflies, and-

"I FORGOT _KUMA!_ "

In the end, it took another whole week for the trio to finally reach PortaAlegre, Portugal. More angry phone calls, a bill for a broken bed, and more bandages graced them all as they finally reached their destination. Still, even with the unfortunate trip and the drama of testifying against the old lady who had beat America nearly to death on the 3rd day in court, the trio can all agree on one thing.

Brazil needed to chill with his soccer ego.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trust me, it would be longer if I ever visited Brazil or met a Brazilian. Was scared I would be hella inaccurate. Sorry if somethings here are. Except for the monkey, I put him there on purpose. Google translate for Portuguese. Also, never tasted that drink. I didn't even touch the tip of the iceberg, put Brazil on your travel list! ^_^ Cheers to the beginning of a probably another shitty year! 2021.


	15. Hetalia World Stars Trailer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very quick chapter on how the trailer was probably filmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEs I Heard Hetalia getting another season!! HELL YEAH! My babies all appearing back on screen. I'm crying. World Stars trailer link:  
> https://youtu.be/aiIY80uvVU4

"What do you mean I am _not_ allowed to be in this?!" 

Mexico yelled at the departing director, following him to the exit.

"I mean you're just an OC. You were only mentioned a few times throughout this entire series, be very grateful your existence was even acknowledged! So shut your _gay_ ass up and film because I _QUIT!_ " 

A camera and directors hat was shoved to Mexico's arms with the harsh tone. Mexico sniffed and glared at the rude ex director, nearly chucking the camera at him before he thought better of it. Directing did technically mean he was in the trailer. Even if he wasn't going to be on camera. Plus he liked yelling!

" **POSITIONS!** " He screamed into a microphone once he reach to the conclusion that he would take on the job as director. A mob of nations stormed onto the scene which had made him feel giddy. Yes, he could get used to this. 

"A trailer? Really? I was in the middle of playing my Playstation 5! _Which is now available in the US, get yours now!_ " America winked at the camera and then snatched the money out of Japan's hands. 

"Save it for the ads! Here, take these scripts. I didn't make them, I'm just the guy directing shit." He shrugged, passing them out. He guessed the old director had left it for him to find anyways.

"Why do I have no lines?!" Canada whined as he read his blank script. 

"Someone get me a cape!" England called out and sipped a cup of tea. He began to edit his script with a big black marker. 

"AHAHAHA! HELL YES! IM IN THE SEASON!" Portugal skipped onto the set and swooped Germany down into a kiss. He then dropped him to the floor and brought Italy into a crying headlock.

"AHHH! HE'S GOING TO KILL ME!"

"Oh no! I got to get my tan done!" He released Italy and ran off the set as quickly as he had appeared. Everyone simply shrugged at his weird behavior, knowing that season 7 was already making them lose braincells. But if it's what the fans want, they'll deliver. Germany wished it could have been less gross though as he childishly started spitting and sputtering. He decided to down England's tea to burn off his violated mouth.

"Hey!"

"Shut up England." Germany wiped his mouth and walked away to straightened Italy's wrinkled suit. 

"You know what to do?"

"Ve~! Of course! I act like a charming retard and you all act like playboy models!"

"Er... Right." Germany released his shoulders and blushed. He did get the general idea.

" **YO SAID PLACES!** " Mexico yelled again into the microphone as everyone ran off to where their scripts had placed them. He then narrowed his eyes and pointed at two odd nations.

"USTEDES! What are you two doing?!"

"Well we just got a call saying we were in this." The carrot haired nation shrugged as the woman next to him sipped a latte. 

"Ah. You must be... Czech and Slovakia." Mexico flipped through his papers and sighed. Seriously, barely anyone has heard of these countries and they got to be part of the trailer?! 

"You come on later, wait over there."

"Alright." The duo walked to the side as Mexico cleared his throat.

" **ACTION!** "

~☆~

"How weird do you want my poses?" Italy asked as he prepared to walk down the street past a cat he couldn't even PET. The trailer was already inACCURATE! 

"Just make it gay." Mexico shrugged as he leaned in to look through the camera with one eye. 

"Oh okay!" Italy grinned painfully as he walked past the unpet cat. He then allowed the background to change behind him. Countries quickly swarmed go take their seats as the next scene began.

"cIAO CIAO~!" He yelled out before he slammed against the closed door.

"Pfft- I mean.. CUT! Who locked the door?!" Mexico held back his laughter as medics came to the crying Italian to cover up his forehead bruise. 

"Hungary."

"India."

"Romania."

"Turkey."

Multiple responses came before Mexico simply smiled and shook his head.

"Try again!"

~◇~

"Like this?" Italy raised his right arm weirdly and jerked off an imaginary dildo with his left hand. 

"Perfecto!" Mexico threw a thumbs up, proud that Italy still had it in him. Gay poses were in his blood.

"What do I do?" Germany asked awkwardly as the camera turned to him.

"Hmm.. How about you tell Italy why having sex with you means he can't bring pasta to bed?"

"Ve~? Why not?"

"It is simple. Pasta and sex do not go together, you'll get both of us covered with sauce first of all-" Germany started quickly as he moved his hands together in emphasis.

"Great! The rest of you, just act cute." Mexico dismissed as he chugged Czech's latte. She wasn't really bad once you get to know her. Well.. when she was in the bathroom that is and she leaves her latte unattended. 

~♤~

"InglaterrA! What on EARTH DO YOU HAVe ON?!"

Mexico didn't know if he was holding in astoundment or laughter. England was currently twirling around with a large top hat on his head and a whole ass extra display with it. 

"Screw Italy, Im the star of this!" He dramatically posed with France's rose and looked into the invisible distance. Mexico simply gaped before he shook his head and wrote an extra 0 to the trailer's budget. 

"Well I actually kind of like it. It reminds me of when he gave me the path to cheap labor and large wealth." China added his unasked opinion as he ate his prop.

"Wh- Olvidelo. Forget it. Let's hurry along and- WHAT ON EARTH do you MEAN ITALY HAS TO SING FOR THE BACKGROUND OF THIS TRAILER?!" Mexico yelled at the song director. Austria simply shrugged with bags under his eyes and handed him the lyrics. 

"Dios mio..." 

He added another 0 to the trailer's budget.

~♡~

"Look at them." Mexico whispered to Ecuador as he crossed his arms in irritation. There was Czech and Slovakia, two irrelevant ass countries, being cute in front of the camera. He simply told them to pose and Slovakia thought that meant looking like a douche. Czech was worse, acting like its the TRAILER that is in her moment, not the other way around. 

"I put laxatives in her new latte." Ecuador commented casually as he played with his turtle. Mexico perked up at the new information and grinned at him.

"I love you sometimes."

"I know." Ecuador smiled at his reflection on the turtle's shell. Mexico threw the two newbies' scripts over his shoulder in satisfaction. Looks like they won't be needing more time in the trailer. 

"Damn you two are dicks." Cuba whispered as he held the long mic over Czech complaining about her stomach.

"Yup." They both popped the 'p' at the end of the word, watching Slovakia lead Czech away from the set.

"Nice one though." Cuba smiled and puffed out a ring of smoke from his cigar.

"Yeah, yeah. Hold the mic right, I can hear Latvia crying about another season with Russia from here."

Mexico waved him off as he zoomed into Portugal's face.

"Say something."

"Well you see.. Spain's gay."

"Perfecto! Damn Czech and Slovakia really need to take notes from you." 

~Lunch Break~

"Why the fuck am I not in the trailer?!" Romano growled as he slammed his fist on the table. He had been complaining non stop for the entire day, giving everyone a headache.

"Join the club." Mexico sobbed as he stared at his hot chocolate in despair. When the world needed him most, he was forbidden to appear. 

"There are always fanfictions that you can appear in Manuel. Also, are you going to eat that tomato Romano?" 

"Fuck off and eat it already." He angrily rolled it over to the Spanish man. 

"Feliciano gets to act like an idiot for the whole trailer but _I_ don't get a single damn second?! Screw this!" He took an angry slurp of his pasta.

"I literally only appear in one drawing through out the entire series' existence. Be glad!" Ecuador hissed as he stabbed his food harshly. 

"At least you get a design!" Mexico retorted, rolling his eyes and sitting with his back to his chair.

"Ecuador, take your turtle off my sandwich." Cuba jabbed his finger onto the side of the Ecuadorian's head. He yelped at the stabbing pain that the Cuban had inflicted to the side of his head and obliged, placing it on Spain's head instead.

"He seems to like you. Keep him there."

"With pleasure!"

"Ey mates, is this the 'not in the trailer' table?" An Australian accent had quickly gave away the identity of the person who had addressed them.

" _Yes._ " Romano gritted through his teeth as he gripped the table a little too hard.

"Piffle, isn't it? Come on then." He gestured to the crowd behind him who all sat down in the remaining seats. 

"This is embarrassing." Ecuador whispered as he pulled his hat down lower to cover his blushing face.

"Tell me about it." Hong Kong replied in a monotone voice, busy cutting a piece of meat with his knife.

"Haha! It's the _losers who didn't get in the trailer_ table." America teased as he passed by the round table of emo countries.

"Im going to shoot him." Switzerland mumbled as more countries started to laugh at them.

"You poor blokes! Don't worry, no one knows that your countries exists anyways!"

More laughter sounded as they glared at the few nations who did appear in the trailer.

"And you're gay!" Canada tried but was unfortunately met with silence save for a cough in the background.

"...Well that was bloody rude Canada."

"Huh?"

"Yeah dude. Homophobic much? Whats your problem with gay people?"

"I was just-"

"I did not raise such a love hating child. Go to your room Matthieu!"

"What room? We are in a cafeteria and I don't even live with y-"

" _Now!_ "

Canada sighed as he got up with Kuma and trudged out of the cafeteria. He knew he shouldn't have said that, especially when he remembered that he had no sense of humor. 

~Lunch Over~

~♧~

"Waaa! Why are there machines everywhere? Where is all the pasta?!" Italy cried as he cowered from the tall machines in the room. They looked to be in some child factory scene.

"I think this someone inserted their hetalia steam punk fanfiction into this script." Mexico jabbed as he squinted at his notes. 

"Oh shit sorry." America walked up to grab it from him and skimmed it over.

"Wait no, its not mine. I had a lot of transformers in it- Hey Japan is this yours?!"

"Ret me see." Japan walked over and grabbed the papers from him.

"Mmm.. no. I aporogize. Mine had erm.. a lot of rove in it. Yes, rove! Pure rove! Fluff and all that. This must be the script."

"Seriously? Ugh, whatever. Prussia start banging that machine with this hammer." Mexico tossed a hammer at the Prussian. He then threw a wrench at the Italian.

"Here Italy. Act like your Lamborghini got busted and there is a lady watching you repair it."

"Ve~! Now you're talking!" Italy rolled up his sleeves and got to work. 

"Good lord, why is "England stands in front of the sun" written in black marker?!" 

"Do you really need to be questioning genius?! Shut up and film!" England bitched as he brushed imaginary dust off his top hat. Mexico simply raised an eyebrow and obeyed. He can see why the original director quitted and gave him the director's chair.

~$~

"What do we do in this final scene?"

"Just be yourselves and bitch about problems you all caused in the first place." Mexico yawned out as they finally made it to the end of the trailer. They had done retake after retake for weeks now! He was ready to go and he was also pretty sure he left his oven on back home too.

"Easy. I blame America for all world problems." Russia cheerfully began as the mentioned blond whipped his head to look at him so quickly it made a loud crack.

" _ **ME?!**_ I didn't invade entire continents, forced my shit on them, steal their resources, massacred most of the natives, and started slavery! That was all you guys! Well.. just East Europe. You didn't do shit." He cheerfully replied back with his own strained smile. 

"Actually-" Canada started, sweating in the background.

"Well France started it." England shrugged randomly as France merely looked at him in confusion.

"No I didn't-"

" _WELL YOU STINK SO THERE!_ "

"You are so rude to _me_!"

"Well that was easy." Mexico laughed as he panned the camera across the room. He is about to make a fortune with this trailer!

"Kuya, want some- hehe- some puta?" 

"GRRR. Phili! Stop saying that!" Mexico smacked the plate out of the Filipino's hands. That was the last time he left the new selfie loving country in charge of catering. He hadn't stopped offering him puta the entire time, that little weasel! 

"But we have to celebrate the end of this trailer! Here, let's take a selfie!"

A blinding flash traumatized the Mexican's eyes for probably the rest of his life. He rubbed his eyes furiously as the Filipino grinned at their picture and hugged him.

"We are totally gorgeous here!"

"Don't touch me." Mexico regardless gave him a quick pat on the head before he shoved him away. 

"Is the trailer ready?" A man asked as he came up from behind them.

"Yeah, yeah. Here you go Hima." Mexico handed him a flashdrive and glared at him.

"You will regret not putting me in this trailer. I hope the song traumatizes you for the rest of your life." With that, he sashayed away from the man and walked onto the set.

"Trailers over. You all get un promotion!"

"A promotion?!" They all lit up as Mexico smiled and nodded.

"Sanitization Management!"

"WOOHOO!" America jumped in the air and pumped his fist out. 

"No America." Canada tiredly said as he placed his hand on his twin's shoulder.

"Great enthusiasm! Get some mops and start cleaning! Philippines, you come con me. I got some soap por tu."

With that, Mexico led the selfie taking nation away. Once gone, the sound of creaking alerted the remaining cast who looked around and saw the set begin to shake. With one girly shriek from France, a gigantic mess fell around them, the lights going out and leaving them in pitch darkness.

"Haha good luck with season 7!" A distant, long gone voice rang out as the remaining countries simply sighing and beginning to pick up the huge mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No hate to the new countries that are appearing. I was just foolin, Czech and Slovakia are cute. Plus they introduced new Philippines (I'm assuming from what fans had said) so I will be using that character from now on instead of the one I had before. Can't wait for season 7!


	16. Canam-Canas-Canada

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Canada rips Spain a new one after he keeps ignoring his presence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the SpaCan chapter. No shipping, just two countries who need to have some interaction. Already did a FrUs chapter back in Thanksgiving.

Spain and Canada never really talk.

America and Mexico noticed this one day when the Spanish man came up to their bored zoned out table. 

"Hey America. Hey my Mexíco. Hey... you."

He smoothly ran over the Canadian's presence with an apologetic shrug. Canada's shoulders drooped but the brunette continued with his cheery attitude anyways.

"Listen, why don't you all come over to my place tomorrow? I have noticed you are all at _Portugal's_ a lot more than usual. " His eye ticked and his hands formed into fists. Oop. America and Mexico shared a disturbed glance.

"That sounds lovely." Canada smiled, not caring about the clear shift in attitude. Spain ignored his comment and continued.

"Well I assure you will have a much more pleasant time with me than him. I promise! So what do you say?"

He grinned excitingly, bouncing in his spot. Mexico glanced at America who just shrugged. He then looked at Canada who bobbed his head rapidly.

"Free coca cola?" Mexico had to ask.

"Always for you." Spain nodded in bliss. Mexico nodded in return, approval very clear on his face. America also perked up at the word Coca Cola and yelled out.

"HELL YEAH!" 

"Fine."

"O-" Canada opened his mouth but the Spanish man already pulled them all into a crushing hug.

"I'll see you all later! Adios!" The Spanish man was gone as quickly as he had appeared. Canada frowned at his exit, lowering his eyes to stare at Kuma's head. He knew he would not enjoy the afternoon and he was right. 

From having the door closed on him to having no chair to sit on. Canada miserably tried to contain himself time after time when Spain seemingly forgot about his presence. 

"Oops. Sorry Copperland. Here's a Coke."

Spain finally noticed Canada lacking one in his hand. About _2 hours_ after he gave one each to everyone but him. Canada weakly smiled and reached for it. 

"Than-"

"Do you want another one America?"

Again with the ignoring. Canada sniffed as Spain once again didn't let him finish his sentence. America seemed to notice it too but decided to stay silent on the matter. He didn't want to anger the man giving them free coke after all.

"Hey-psst. Manny!"

"Hm?" The Mexican looked away from the creepy doll that oddly looked like him from the corner of the room.

"Did you notice Canada today?"

"Canada?" Mexico let his eyes trail to his silent brother. The blond was currently staring at the rug, deep in thought.

"He's upset." No duh. 

"Yeah dude. And I definitely know why."

"Being ignored. Yes, I have noticed it. Spain does have a habit of ignoring less relevant people for his favorites." Mexico shrugged, looking at the same area Canada was looking at for any clues on why it was so interesting.

"Really?"

"Si. He still doesn't recognize Philippines sometimes. Forgot he had an Asian colony with all the coddling he had done to Romano and me. Well mostly Romano, I would hide." Mexico chuckled. 

"Work smarter, not harder. Niceeee. Anyways, we have to fix this. Look how miserable our bro is." America gestured to the blank Canadian.

"Si, si. Of course. And I think I have an idea." Mexico smiled widely just as their host came back from the bathroom. Spain did a double take at the Mexican and raised his eyebrow.

"Are you okay Manny?"

"Huh? Why?"

"Never seen you smile in my house." Spain muttered as he sat down. He again didn't even spare a glance at Canada who stared at him with shiny kicked puppy eyes. America sucked in his breath and looked at his Mexican brother. 

"Alright, tell me tomorrow."

~>_<~

"Hey wanna bang?" Mexico casually sat next to the Spanish man and put his feet up on the meeting table. He need to worry not about his gay manners for he had told Germany his plan and the German just couldn't say no to his favorite son. Of course, holding him hostage also helped with his agreement. 

"What."

Spain answered, blushing like a schoolgirl who reads smutty Hetalia fanfiction about their gay ass ships at 3 am. Romano silently raised an eyebrow at the Mexican but kept his mouth shut as the Latino pressed on. 

"Like. You wanna fuck? Bend me over in the closet and sla-"

"Have you been drinking?" Spain couldn't stop his face from burning.

"No." Mexico kicked an empty bottle of tequila under the table with his foot. 

"I.."

"Ey, if you don't want to, I can always ask Portu-"

"Fuck you. Let's go." Spain grabbed his wrist and basically flung him out of his seat. Mexico mouthed an apology to a gaping Romano who simply flipped him off after getting over his shock. 

"Ahh wait!' Mexico burped as they were already halfway inside the closet. Damn Spain meant business.

"What?"

"I forgot I have AIDS."

"QUE?!"

"Ah.. don't worry. I got pills for that, you stay here and I'll be right back."

Before the other could respond, Mexico slammed the closet door shut and stumbled back to the meeting room. 

"Alright. Now is my turn." America thought as he saw Mexico enter and sit down in his previous seat while taking a shot. The American turned to the sleeping Canadian and slowly leaned his head in.

"Mattie~" He quietly sang as he softly tapped his brother's head.

"Mm." The Canadian stirred but didn't wake up.

" **MATTIE! MATTIE! KUMA IS EATING RAT POISON IN THE CLOSET AGAIN!** "

"NO KUMA! I TOLD YOU TO STOP DOING THAT OR NO 5PM PICKLES!" Canada woke up angrily and ran with an incredible speed to the closet. America snickered as he and Mexico ran to slam the closet shut and lock it from the outside.

"We are such geniuses!"

"Si! ...Mostly me though!"

~0w0~

Canada winced as he crashed into another person once in the closet. He says person cause Kuma can't be this tall and skinny. Also because it smelled like tomatoes in the room and Kuma smelled more like fish. Smelly bear.

"Did the AIDS pills make you taller?"

Canada went wtf when the other person grabbed his front shirt and pulled him down to the other's height. 

"I-"

"Fucking finally, I have been waiting CENTURIES for you to ask."

"A-"

Again with the fucking interruptions. Even if it was a sloppy kiss, his annoyance still overpowered his mortification. He grabbed the other's shoulders and pulled him away.

"Would you stop interrupting me?!"

~Meanwhile outside~

"HaHAHA!" Mexico and Romano laughed like fucking retards as the camera they installed in there caught the whole thing. What a fucking idiot!

"Can I have a copy?" Japan and Hungary whispered to America who just shrugged and nodded his head. Weirdos. 

"Guys be quiet!" Italy whined as he tried to turn up the old TV's volume. 

"But-"

" **BE QUIET!!** " Germany barked at America, who tried to tell him his fly was down. America shrunk back and looked back at the screen instead. Oh well he tried. 

~In the closet~

"Ah. Please don't sue me for assault. I already have 3 cases!" Spain begged as he didn't release the other's front shirt. 

"Wh- I don't care if you kissed me! I care that you keep interrupting me!" 

"Wait who are you again?"

~Outside~

"oh SHIT!" Romano and Mexico cackled wildly, knowing the Canadian was about to blow up. They shushed each other with small smacks and took another shot of alcohol.

"Damn he's going to get it! Poor dude, never mess with Canada." America smiled sadly and shook his head. He had learned the hard way and so will he. 

"Haha! Shit I want a copy too!" Portugal tapped America's shoulder and pointed to the TV. 

"Wh- Where did you come from?!" Germany was absolutely sure he didn't invite this man to the meeting. He also had all the doors and windows locked???

"Ve~ I didn't know Canada's face can turn so red Germany."

~Closet~

"It's..." Canada muttered out before he grabbed the other by the hair and brought his face closer to his.

" _ **CANADAAA!**_ " He slammed the person's face to the wall with his loud scream. 

~Outside~

Germany winced at the damage he would probably have to pay for out of his pocket. These people sure as he'll won't help him with the costs. Italy screamed im the middle of his calculations though and hid his face in the German's arm.

"BIG BROTHER NOOO!"

"HAHAHA!" 

Portugal, Romano, and Mexico all laughed over the Italian's cries, hoarding around America with cash for copies to be produced as quickly as possible. America's eyes turned into dollar signs as his capitalist blood made him snatch the money. 

"Nice doing business with yall. I got your orders down, will arrive in the mail in 2 days! Amazon Prime baby!"

"Ah fuck! Did I miss the part where he gets his ass kicked?" England ran in from the bathroom.

"Yeah you did." America answered for him seeing as most of them were either laughing, crying, or just continuing to pay attention to the aftermath.

"BLOODY FUCKK!"

"I can get you a copy if-"

'I want it in one day." England took out and shoved a wad full of bills into his bomber jackets pocket and looked at him sternly. America smiled and gave him a thumbs up. 

~Closet~

"Owww!" Spain puffed out a cloud of wall plaster and he started to wipe the debris out of his face. That hurted a lot. :(

"That's what you get! Honestly, I told you hundreds of times that I'm Canada! The country north of the United States! Raised by France, then by England. Thank god never by you! You are horrible, how did Mexico and Romano put up with you?!" Canada paced back and forth in the small space, trying to calm down. While that scream and blow had cooled him down, he felt that the brunette deserved another one. Just to be safe.

"I- I'm sorry erm _Canama_." The name sounded foreign on his dusty tongue. He brushed himself up and ignored his entire face aching in pain.

"I do have a habit of ignoring some people over others. But I should really start to get over it. There is no excuse for me to keep forgetting you. Especially since you slammed my face in the wall."

Spain chuckled and leaned against the broken wall. Canada didn't return his laugh, pausing in his pacing to glare at him.

"So you think this is funny? Maybe I should do it again, have a good laugh after it right?!"

"Wait NO!" Spain held his arms up over his face. 

"Haha! Got you!" Canada laughed like crazy. Spain pouted and put his arms down.

"That's not fu-"

"Punk ass bitch!" Canada raised his fist and once again Spain screamed and raised his arms up. Canada laughed like crazy again at the Spanish man's reaction, smacking his knee in delight. Funny guy!

"Stop it!!!" Spain cried as Canada kept raising his fist at him. 

"Oh alright. That was just your punishment. I will let it go if you promise to never forget my presence again."

"Alright! Alright! I promise!"

"I promise what?"

"I promise... Canata?"

"Eh. Good enough." Canada shrugged, knowing that while he may never get his name right he certainly won't be ignored by him so much anymore. 

"ALSO STOP INTERRUPTING ME!" He yelled to which the Spanish man nodded his head like crazy.

"OKAY!"

"You promise?" Canada lowered his voice back to his small timid whisper. Spain widened his eyes at the attitude change, the purple furious eyes suddenly dulling to show the vulnerability it had before. He wasn't just angry, he was honestly depressed over this whole ordeal.

"I promise Canala." He whispered back, feeling bad for the first time since they entered the closet. 

"Canada."

"Canasa"

"Canasa? Haha!" Canada giggled, eventually getting the other to laugh with him. He then abruptly stopped when arms wrapped around his neck.

"You're too tall to hug!" Spain complained as he crushed the other's windpipe with his embrace. Canada wheezed and brought his arms down to hold him up in the air for a bit.

"Is this better?" The Canadian asked as the other's feet dangled in the air.

"Better! Gracias!" Spain nodded with approval.

Canada hugged him like he hugged Kuma. Finally a hug from this man! He hasn't had one from him that didn't have another person involved in a century. He felt his cheeks warm up as he was finally acknowledged. Finally!

"How about this Canaba? Just the two of us play leap frog. Right now in the hall!" Spain offered as he hung off the tall Canadian and flashed him his signature smile.

"Of course! Come on then Spain, let's get out of this closet." Canada felt warm as he allowed the man to hang off of him and tried the door knob.

~Outside~

"AHH! HE'S GOING TO KNOW WE LOCKED HIM IN! DAD OPEN THE DOOR!"

"I AM NOT YOUR FATHER!"

"WAAA PLEASE GERMANY! I DO NOT WANNA MY HEAD SMASHED INNA WALL! WAA!" Italy cried and shook the blond's arm rapidly.

"Oh no he'll destroy the tape!" Hungary cried out as she launched herself on to the table and curled around the small TV protectively.

"Curl in tighter Hungary-san! Tighter!" Japan yelled out equally as alarmed.

"GO _GERMANY_!" 

Romano and Mexico yelled at the blond as they started to throw things at him. He winced as a glass cup shattered against his skull, making him fume and stand up.

" **ALRIGHT!** "

Portugal threw his boxers at him for good measure despite his confirmation. The German seethed and took off the boxers from his shoulder while he ran like he was chasing Italy over to the closet.

~Closet~

"Is this door... locked?" Canada tried as he kept jingling the knob. He released it and stared at it in confusion. 

"Here let me try." Spain released his hold on him and grabbed the knob. It clicked open easily and Spain held it open for the Canadian.

"You first."

"Hehe. Thank you." Canada laughed as he ignored the running footsteps that echoed away from them and passed through. 

"You're stronger than you look, eh?" Canada added as the other closed the door behind him.

"I can say the same to you." Spain replied back honestly.

"Well then.. leap frog!" Canada ran to the hall and crouched down.

"Haha! leap FROG!" Spain ran and jumped over him. They laughed and continued jumping over each other like morons. Really, they should have more moments together! 

~Aftermath~

"So I have AIDS huh?" Canada asked over a can of coca cola with the brunette one day. 

"Hm? Oh, no. That's what... MANNYYY!" 

He furiously put his coke down and whipped out his blackberry. He punched in the buttons harshly and impatiently tapped his fingers as the phone started to ring.

"What do you want?" A snappish tone come from the other line, clear that the person who called was not something he was happy about.

"You have AIDS?! Who gave you AIDS?! I SURE AS HELL DIDN'T!"

"Huh. Oh, yeah, not the illness tho. I meant uh Advanced In Dental Score. Gotta keep it high so I went to brush my teeth. So... yeah..."

"Oh okay sorry then. Have a nice day~!" Spain cheerfully hung up and noticed Canada's 'are you serious' look.

"What?"

"Nevermind." Canada shook his head and sipped his coke. 

"AH WHEN DID YOU GET HERE?!" Spain yelled after staring at him for about a minute.Their relationship may be better but he does have his random moments. It's a good thing that walls fix these slip ups real quick though!

"You're the best Canaya." Spain muttered as he snapped his nose back into place. Canada smiled brightly at him and sweeped the plaster off his hair.

"I know."

~☆v☆~

"Ooo! Can I touch Kuna?"

"It's Kumalampur But yeah sure!" Canada smiled and handed him the annoyed bear that he misnamed.

"Just call me Kuma." The bear went unheard as Spain squeezed the life out of him.

"Aww! He's so cute!" Kuma let himself go limp. If he attacked this tomato smelling man, Canadoor would be sure not to give him his 3 pm cookie! The horror!

"I know. He seems to like you too! He usually only goes this limp for Alfred and Manuel." Canada praised as he rubbed Kuma's head. Spain grinned and released the poor bear.

"Aww. You like me? Do you want a tomato?" He held a tomato to the bear's mouth. The bear cringed and turned his head away.

"Here. You can give him his 3pm cookie." 

The bear lit up and crawled onto the stranger's lap. Now you're talking! He nearly bit off the Spanish man's hand as he gobbled up the cookie he held. Spain let out a yelp as his hand was spared, reeling away from the bear that was eating like he has never eaten in his life before.

"What a hungry guy!"

"Hm. Oh yeah. He eats a lot."

"..Hey this reminds me.. Do you want to hear a story?"

"Hm? Why all the sudden?"

"I got time. Also, France told America a few. Its only fair." Spain shrugged. Canada took a moment to think if they really had time for a story before he nodded slowly.

"Yeah sure."

"Eee! Okay come, get comfortable!" Canada knew the guy didn't know personal space but he was lucky he loved affection. It made him feel real and having attention was a blessing. He settled his head on the other's lap and closed his eyes.

"Now, this bear eating like a pig reminds me of a little blond. But I'm afraid I had the wrong one."

~Flashback wobble effects~

"Ugh Cuba is such a demanding little thing."

Spain complained after he recieved letter after letter from the Cuban about stuff he didn't like. While he would always hold a place for being his first, the Cuban was most certainly one of the more bitchy colonies. He was stationed in Florida right now, the personification sleeping outside on a bench. She didn't really make any demands but she was insistent that there were certainly no fountain of youths at her place.

"Psh. Liar." Spain rolled his eyes. He continued to write his reply to Cuba's letters, ignoring the door creaking open. It must be Florida wanting to complain about not being fed.

"You can eat later Florida. I'm busy." He dismissed but she didn't respond. He continued to write, assuming she had quietly left. Then he jumped 4 feet in the air when his coat was tugged on.

"Florida! I _**said**_ -!" He cut himself off when he looked down on someone who was not Florida. He stared in shock as the small blond stared up at him with teary eyes and took a step away.

"You're... you're not Florida." Spain murmured as he slowly turned his body all the way and placed his quill down. He awaited the blond to speak but it was clear he had scared the words out of him with his yell.

"Come on. Tell me why you're here." He tried the nice approach. It usually never worked so he was surprised when the chibi relaxed just a bit and started to speak.

"Pouvez-vous m'aider à trouver mon patron?" (Can you help me find my boss?)

Spain froze as the familiar yet a barely decipherable language came out of the boy's mouth. He paused to really let the words sink in, trying to see if they were taking a while to make sense.

"Mon.. my? Patron.. boss." Spain whispered to himself. It were the only words he could translate. The boy's boss. He probably got separated from him. But who can it be?

"Who's your patron?" Spain tried, hoping the young one understood.

"France."

Ah. So it was his neighbor. He rolled his eyes for probably the 17th time today and got up from his seat.

" _FLORIDAAA!_ " He yelled at the top of his lungs. The blond with him cringed at his voice and backed away from him.

"WHAT?!" The girl bursted in the room, annoyed her nap was ruined. 

"Go find Mr France. He's probably here to discuss problems with Hispaniola again." Spain tiredly massaged his temple. Florida looked at him with a wtf look before he realized she had never seen him before.

"He's blond. Stubby beard, speaks another language. Weird hon hon hon laugh. You'll know him when you see him. Now shoo."

He dismissed her. She glared at his attitude but said nothing as she marched off. Spain never really liked his female colonies so much but it was something they will just have to put up with. 

"Right. Now. You must be Alfred." He said after analyzing the boy for 5 silent minutes. He certainly remembers that cute face, such a shame his neighbor got to this one first. 

"Oh Alfred est mon frère!" (Oh Alfred is my brother!) The blond cheerfully said but all Spain understood was Alfred est mon. 

"So you are Alfred! Haha. I got your name right!" He smiled brightly and reached to grab the colony. Not Alfred tensed as he was picked up, looking very scared when placed on his lap.

"I heard from England you have a big appetite. Oh wait, that must mean that France took you over. How did I not recieve this news yet?! Haha!" Spain gleefully hugged the blond. He was living proof England couldn't hold a colony for more than even a year! France already implemented his language in this blond after all. What a failure.

"Ou est la france?" (Where is France?)

"No I'm not France. I should have been like him though and try to invade your land first." Spain muttered in disappointment. He then shook his head and placed the blond down.

"Come. I will feed you. England told me you once ate an entire Buffalo, right? I will get you a horse." 

Spain cheerfully took his gun from the side of his bed and swung it over his shoulder. He may be a savage conquerer but he was a great host. He would expect France to cook Florida a whole cow too. 

"H-Ho.. House?" The chibi tried to pronounce the word but Spain simply shook his head and placed his hand on the other's head.

"Stop before you hurt yourself."

~×v×~

After killing one of his horses and traumatizing the chibi, he started a fire and began to cook the horse's meat. 

"Well I think I'm kind of an expert at cooking meat so you're in luck!" Spain grinned at the shaking blood covered boy. He didn't have no concerns though, his colonies all shook and were covered in blood around him so he was definitely sure Alfred was going to be fine. He probably did have to bathe him though or else France would complain. 

"After you eat, I will bathe you. Shouldn't be so hard!" Spain wiped the boy's face with a handkerchief so he would at least be able to eat without the taste of blood. He was such a good host! 

"Ho-house.." The chibi shook as he saw the eyes of the horse stare back at him from the pits of the flames.

"Really hungry, are you?" Spain chuckled and started to turn the meat. The chibi wasn't hungry at all, just having eaten before he and France arrived over here. Spain couldn't take the hint though and started to pull the cooked horse away from the flames. 

"Here, Im not really hungry so you can eat all of it. Maybe just save a plate for Florida." Spain settled the severed parts on a rug. The blond gulped as the other stared at him expectantly, not needing to speak the same language to know that the brunette wanted him to eat. And so he grabbed a small strip of horse and shakingly brought it to his mouth. 

"Why so slow? Please, eat this piece first!" Spain shoved a whole ass leg at the boy. England had told him on how Alfred finished the Buffalo's four legs in 30 minutes. While it didn't taste bad, the blond wasn't a fan of eating an ENTIRE HORSE. He cried as he pushed the leg away and shook his head.

"No?" Spain stopped smiling when the boy shoved the leg away. He shook his head and turned away from the rug.

"I cooked an _entire_ horse for _you_. Either eat the thing or no patron." He glared as he grabbed the chibi and shoved the leg in his face. The blond screamed in a panicked state but was cut off when he was forced to take a bite. 

" _ **Espange!!**_ "

Spain dropped the blond when another French voice screamed at the top of their lungs. He whipped his head to glare at the fast approaching Frenchman who quickly scooped up his charge.

"You're charge is the rudest guest I have ever hosted!"

"Rude? You were shoving horse meat in his mouth!" 

"I spent 2 hours on it! I wasn't going to let it go to waste!"

"You think he can eat all of that?! You're _insane!_ "

"Well England told me he once ate an entire Buffalo!"

"That's Alfred you Spanish fool! He's my Matthieu!"

Spain froze, his mouth that had been opened for another retort snapping shut. The new information sunk in quickly as he slowly lowered his arms and looked up in disbelief.

"Who?"

"Matthieu. My charge. Not Alfred." France explained to him annoyed. Spain stared at him again but his time realization coming into his expression.

"Ohhhh... Oh." He looked flustered as he took a look at Matthieu's tear covered face. He awkwardly dropped the horse leg and rubbed the back of his head.

"Sorry Matthieu. I thought you were Alfred." 

France glared at him but did roll his eyes and translate for the man. Matthieu immediately dropped his scared look and an identical tired look that France had invaded his face instead.

"Bien sûr.."(Of course) Matthieu rolled his eyes and gave him a look.

"Haha. Yeah.. How do I make this go away?" 

"Wrap that horse to go and tell Florida to stay away from me. She gives me the creeps." France immediately responded as he shuddered. 

"Deal. Keep an eye on Alfred next time."

"It's Matthieu."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll get it right eventually." Spain dismissed as he started to roll up the body parts. Who did France take him for, an idiot?

~Flashback ends~

"You are an idiot." Canada opened his eyes and gave him a funny look. Spain laughed and nodded.

"I suppose I am Mattoo."

"It's Matthew."

"Shit-"

"Excuse me." The taxi driver glared at them from the rear mirror.

"The ride ended 20 minutes ago."

"Oh sorry boot that." Canada handed the man some maple syrup. 

"What, no tip?"

"Oh yeah. Sorry." Canada handed him a plate of pancakes.

"Pleasure to drive you." He told him as they both stepped out of the cab. The car zoomed off and left them standing like idiots.

"What a nice guy!"

"Yeah, really nic- OH MY GOD I LEFT KUMA!!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damnit Kuma.


End file.
